Worried about sleep

[elderflowerspritzer]

I'm not pregnant yet but hope to be soon. Me and DH have been trying.

I'm very worried about the first few months of having a newborn and wonder if anyone can help me.

My DH has a chronic health condition. Basically Crohn's disease and chronic fatigue. He is not going to cope with being up at night. Even at the moment, if he doesn't get 9 hours sleep, he's a bit of a mess (and even sometimes when he's had loads of sleep, he's still exhausted).

He also has to spend about 3 hours a day in the bathroom with his Crohn's, so I will be on my own a lot.

We both want to be parents very badly and I can't wait to welcome our little one as and when they come.

But the first few months scare me. I think I will basically be doing it by myself and DH will end up in the spare room. He also works full time.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you get through it?

I'm a bit worried I will resent him even though he needs his sleep for health reasons.

I exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months so nights were on me mostly.

It wasn't brilliant, but I don't think it is even if there's two of you - the times dh got up to settle ds when he was past newborn and not neccessarily needing fed I couldn't sleep with him crying anyway.

You get through it and past it and it's not forever, plus there's loads your dh can do to help you rest at other times, eg getting up early mornings or doing evenings and you going to bed early, and giving you lie-ins wherever possible.

As long as you're both a team and both pulling your weight it doesn't matter if you have to play to your strengths at times.

Dh did early wake-ups from 6 months onwards so I wasn't often one of those mums who's up with the toddler at 5am - result for me imo!

I survive (and feel okay) on far less sleep than I was capable of surviving on pre-children. I think you just adjust to how much sleep you’re used to getting.

It’s not just the newborn phase though.. just to warn you… we’re currently going through the worst phase so far with a 3yo and teething 7 month old taking it in turns to wake up all night.

Before I had kids if I had one “bad” night.. say 5-6 hrs sleep I’d feel really tired the next day. Now every night I get less than 5 hrs total of broken sleep and I’m actually okay.

Your DH can take the baby early in the morning, in the evening and at weekends so you can catch up a bit too.

Get help sorted when pregnant to give you a break in daytime.

Thanks all. Good to hear that people manage. I guess I know that really but I still worry a lot! He can't really help in the early mornings either as that is when he's up in the bathroom. He has to spend about 2 hours there in the morning. Yes it might be a case of getting paid help @JDob

Nothing wrong with paid help if you need it, and if you are keen to stick to breast milk then it's okay to express and allow whoever is helping, or your husband, to give it in a bottle. My partner did that from when our little one was 3 weeks old so I could get 4 uninterrupted hours of sleep, which was a lifesaver! Also, some babies actually sleep well so I hope that when you conceive and have your baby, you get lucky in that respect.

I was breastfeeding and on maternity leave so I did all the nights. We slept in separate rooms wgrn they were babies. I was completely exhausted some days and felt OK on other days. The thing is, I didn't have to get up early and go to work or use my brain so I just got through it. One day at a time. It was hard but manageable. On the particularly sleep deprived days I'd take it easy and spend a lot of time on the sofa. It also helped to see the mum friends i made at baby group. We were all in the same boat and all very tired. We'd often just relax at each other's houses.
At the weekends DH would take DD out so I could have a little rest.

Thanks @teaandkittehs and @SallyWD , that is all very reassuring. Yes fingers crossed we get a good sleeper and that I can make some other mum friends!!