10 month old doesn’t sleep

[Eastlondonmummy]

Hi everyone,

I'm at my wits end, my 10 month old son has never slept through the night and the last 6 weeks wakes EVERY hour of the night. I’m a mess now and no one seems to offer me any real help.

I've been to the GP and they put him on a diary free formula……I don’t think that’s the issue but he is drinking 5 bottles a night so I’ve gone along with it and no difference. Health visitor suggested giving him water in bottles at night, still no difference he will just drink that and awake again an hour later. It is literally ruining my life, his behaviour is awful, his appetite for real food is rubbish and I have a 5 year old daughter and I work, my husband has lost all patience with him and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Has anyone paid for a sleep program that actually works? We really aren’t in a financial position to pay out but we are desperate for a change and there just doesn’t seem to be any free help out there, he goes to sleep ok but just can’t stay asleep past 2 hours at a time.

Any guidance appreciated!

thanks in advance x

Get an actual sleep consultant to help you, it works. All the best, sleep deprivation is the worst

It could just be a habit. Waking at the end of every sleep cycle and wanting your attention.
We did controlled crying for exactly this reason. It worked in a couple of nights.

It could just be a habit. Waking at the end of every sleep cycle and wanting your attention.
We did controlled crying for exactly this reason. It worked in a couple of nights.

Have you tried controlled crying OP? You sounds desperate, it's worth a try.

Thanks guys, we did have a go at leaving him to cry and he gets himself so worked up and in a frenzy but won’t give in (such a stubborn boy!) my husband wants to just leave him to cry all night but I’m unsure I can let him get himself in such a state but very willing to try this again at the weekend, did you go in every ten minute or literally just ignore? We did it with my daughter and she slept through straight away but she was never a bad sleeper like him. She gave in after say 20 minutes but last time we tried it was over an hour of him screaming the street down!

We went in at 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 etc. I'm not going to lie - the first night was awful. It took several hours for her to sleep. I was sobbing myself and decided to clean the kitchen because I couldn't relax. She got herself into a terrible state. It was just awful.
However, the second night she cried for ten minutes then slept. Woke up at 1am, cried half heartedly for a few minutes (I didn't go in then because i knew she'd get more agitated if she saw me) then slept the rest of the night. By the third night she slept 12 hours and we haven't looked back!
I'm sure people will tell you it's cruel and that he just wants a cuddle. Believe me, teaching him to sleep is an act of pure kindness. It's a gift to your child. My DD was transformed once she knew how to sleep through the night. She was calmer, happier, no longer aggressive. They need to sleep. I was also a much calmer and more loving mum once I was sleeping again. We tried all the gentle sleep training methods, but they didn't work. Controlled crying changed all our lives for the better.

Thank you, I needed to hear this! I wouldn’t consider myself too soft and had no problem leaving my first to cry for a bit and I totally agree with everything you have said. He is so so stubborn and gets himself in such a state which makes me upset and my husband angry but your right I think we need to be cruel to be kind, going to try this tomorrow night when we both have the next day off and see if we can crack him!

What you need to remember is that the child knows he hasn't been abandoned. That first night my daughter cried for hours and got into a frenzy - she knew we were there. I was going in and comforting her, I also spoke to her through the door. She knew I was there, she just wanted me to get her up - or to get her back to sleep again. The crying was pure frustration, she wasn't thinking I'd disappeared and left her alone.
You need to get beyond that stage so they realise they can get themselves to sleep without your intervention. It really is the best thing for them. No child benefits from waking up every hour and getting into a terrible state.

Dummy? Co-sleeping?
Some babies just need more reassurance that their parents are there.

Also getting angry at a 10 month old for waking up isn't great, it's normal baby behaviour - just extremely tough for the parents

My youngest wasn't a great sleeper, she would wake up most nights and end up in with us the rest of the night, but at least we all slept.
She is 9 now and sleeps in her own bed all night so I don't think it's a massive problem if you let them sleep in your bed. No teenager still wants to sleep in their parents bed!

At that age, he definitely doesn't need any bottles during the night and if he's getting them, that may explain his rubbish eating during the day. He's now got used to waking in the night and it will take a while to break that habit. I ended up doing controlled crying with dc1 at about the same age and it changed everything. I understand it isn't for everyone though.

Please don't leave him to cry all night. That's abusive and wrong.

Your husband gets angry at a 10 month old crying? That's awful. Plenty of adults need a drink in the night between the hours or 7 and 7 by the way...

And for the PP who said they don't feel abandoned when you don't pick them up and cuddle them, of course they do. That's how babies understand love and comfort. It's biological.

Solidarity, my 10 month old’s sleep is terrible at the moment.

A few points to consider:

How much sleep he is getting in a 24hr period? Is it too much for his age?

Length of naps, how close to bedtime these are. Could you cap naps?

Feeding at night - weaning from breast milk is not recommended before 12 months, unsure if this is the case for formula if I’m honest. But too much milk overnight definitely can cause lack of appetite in the day.

Any other symptoms - teething? Signs of reflux? Any signs of allergies, wind, discomfort? Baby could want milk to soothe reflux or discomfort.

Developmental? Trying to process new skills?

Any kind of sleep training won’t resolve the issue if there is a reason for the poor sleep.

I hope it improves soon for you both!

My 10 month old boy is exactly like this. We cosleep but he still wakes me up a lot in the night for milk. I’m breastfeeding though so admittedly it is easier not having to get out of bed to make up a bottle. No advice but solidarity! They won’t need us this much forever. Can you reduce hours at work temporarily?

Oh and if you do want advice that doesn't involve leaving babies to cry and causing attachment issues then Lyndsey Hookaway is good.

It always baffles me how some people don't see babies as full human beings. Wonder if your husband would want to leave a five year old to cry all night.

That's really tough, OP.

If he's waking as often as he is then you might want to make sure there's not a medical reason for it - have iron levels checked, make sure no issues with tonsils or adenoids (does he snore or sleep with his mouth open at all?), consider if there's any possibility of allergies or oral ties that could be affecting sleep too.

It may be none of these things but always worth considering as if there is another reason you may struggle to solve focusing directly on sleep only. You can also think about sleep pressure and whether he needs less day sleep / later bed time.

Thanks to those for your solidarity and advice.

Please don’t judge myself or my husband, I didn’t come here for that, when I say my husband gets angry I obviously don’t mean that is directed at my son, he is a teacher, he understands children but is angry at the situation because he is so so tired, we are all struggling to function. He needs to sleep, he has been moved onto diary free formula by the doctor to ensure that it isn’t pain. I’m pretty sure it is just a built in bad habit that needs breaking, he of course doesn’t need all that milk overnight but we have got into a vicious cycle of giving him a bottle constantly because that’s what soothes him back to sleep.

He is developing great and doing all the lovely things he should be doing at his age apart from sleeping! He does nap but not usually more than an hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon.

like I say, thank you for advice, co sleeping isn’t for us but we are willing to try other methods that have worked for other people before we pay out for a sleep consultant.

as adults we are at breaking point with the tiredness but the point is we want this for him and his health as it isn’t doing him any good, it isn’t a case of us just being selfish.

Yes but babies can get into a habit of waking every sleep cycle (every 45 minutes to an hour) and believing they need a parent to get them back to sleep. Of course it's lovely to pick up a baby and cuddle it. All parents want to reassure their babies. However, if you have many weeks and months of a baby waking up screaming every hour you stop being being able to function. You can't safely look after a baby, drive, go to work or whatever. You stop being a good parent. Most importantly it's very damaging for the baby not to have quality sleep.
My DD was waking up 45 minutes at 14 months. This went on for weeks and I became a wreck. She became angry, agitated, restless and aggressive. I tried giving her a cuddle to get her to sleep - hundreds of times!! I tried co-sleeping but she still wouldn't sleep. I slept on the floor of her room for two weeks, didn't work either. I tried gradual retreat. That didn't work. So in desperation I tried controlled crying. Within two nights she was sleeping through, 7pm to 7am. She was sooo much happier, she ate better, she smiled and laughed more. I regained my sanity.
If you think it was a bad thing that for two nights I didn't pick her up and cuddle her, you're wrong. She knew I was there. Me intervening in the night had caused her poor sleep and that had such a devastating impact on her and me. The very short term distress resulted in a much happier baby and mother.
It didn't stop her calling for me when she needed me. She still called out if she was ill or had a nightmare. She just realised she could fall asleep on her own.