At breaking point - Will only nap in baby carrier

[PinkPepper95]

Help i can’t cope anymore 😭 baby (14 weeks actual/ 7 weeks adjusted) will ONLY nap in the baby carrier, it doesn’t matter who’s wearing it but will only nap there. We used to get good contact naps after a feed but now will not do this either. It’s been 4 weeks of this now and I am at breaking point. My back is in agony, I’m exhausted because he won’t let me sit down. I’ve lost the plot today and have said some really horrible things that I can’t even bare to type out. DH is currently out with the baby (in the carrier!) and is helping out as much as he can when not working. But what I really need is for baby to sleep somewhere other than the carrier 😭

how long is this going to last for?
I just can’t keep on going like this at all

Oh this sounds so rough. The lack of sleep
is torturous and I’m so sorry you are in the trenches atm. Would it be an option to enlist a relative, friend, or paid help (e.g. a doula) to come and take baby to walk around the block for even just 30mins a day? Feeding lying down and cosleeping worked with my LO but I understand you will have tried absolutely everything and that hasn’t worked for you :( It will pass and I’m sending you sympathy and solidarity in the mean time.

Breathe. This is really really shit right now. But I promise it will get better.

Is it just naps? How is overnight sleep? Is baby screaming or "just" whining (babies are noisy creatures)? Are you breastfeeding?

The reason they want you stood is because your heart rate changes (so I understand).

Have you tried (I'm sure you have tried some of these but just in case):
White noise
Weighted blanket
Sleep nest (not recommended for overnight sleep)
Pram (you can get an artificial rocker that looks like a rocket)
Stroking babies nose to soothe
Use clothes that smell like you as a sheet.
Car seat (will baby sleep in the car?)
Introducing a reading sleep routine, this could include baby massage (I was skeptical about it but had a sleep baby afterwards) or a warm bath
Cranial osteopathy (a friend swears by it)

If breastfeeding: cosleeping, let baby suck to sleep whilst you nap. I'm a big advocate of safe cosleeping.

I'm really sorry it's crap right now and I know "it will get better" feels really unhelpful when you're in the thick of it.

Relaxing sleep routine not a reading one. Although reading can help.

@PurBal thank you so much for all your suggestions, we have tried some of these but not all!
The car seat- we are working on him being ok in the car seat at the mo, lots of times he cries!
I am breast feeding.
Weirdly (don’t want to jinx it!) but nighttime sleep is ok.. I can sometimes even put him down awake and he will get himself to sleep after a feed!?

My child was a nightmare to get to sleep, so I got the pram, put her inside and sang a rhyme to her whilst pushing the pram back and forth. Could take a few minutes but worth the hour or so peace I got.

@LeontineFrance I managed to get him to sleep in the pram today whilst we were on a walk but he only slept for 10 minutes of the 40 minute walk and would wake up the second I stopped pushing!

It's very early days. Is your baby crying all the time? Are you always trying to put them down? Newborns usually sleep a fair bit, but not all the time. They can be fussy, but they do need a lot of feeding too, and some just like a good yell. You need to enlist other people's help, sleep when they do, get someone else to do chores. Have you tried a baby sling or carrier? Dad can wear it too. Look at feeding, and see if it's going OK? Try and get up at the same time everyday to try and get a bit of routine. Bath and bed same time too. Get fresh air most days, good for both of you.

@JDob it’s more that he gets soo tired and will not sleep, only in a baby carrier! We get up at the same time everyday, but when you say bath and bed, how does this work for a 3 month old? He won’t settle properly and be put down into bed until around 10.30pm? sorry silly Q, clueless, tired first time mum here!

Ah it’s so tough. Mine was just like this and it got to the point where I had to bounce and wear the carrier to keep him asleep. He only allowed me to do this too and would sleep for no one else.
Then one day around 4 months it changed and he would need a rock but then contact nap without the sling. I did nothing differently. He just wouldn’t settle in it. The carrier got uncomfortable for him I think and he wanted to be more horizontal. It was great progress as I could finally sit down and have a rest as he slept.
Then the even better news, around 6 months he no longer needed contact naps and would sleep in his cot for all day naps.
Looking back he was just so little, had reflux and the world was so new and probably overwhelming. He just wanted to know I was there. I spent so much time stressing, researching and worrying about “bad habits”. The only universal truth in baby sleep is things change all the time and there are tweaks that can be made (try first nap of the day as a contact nap/cot nap/pram nap without any expectations and rescue with a carrier nap if need be) but ultimately a new phase will be just around the corner.
Rope in as many people to wear the carrier to give your back a break and make sure it fits properly. In theory a well fitting carrier won’t cause lots of pain. A local sling library should be able to help with fit.

@PinkPepper95 I’ve jsur found this old post and wondered how your baby’s sleep is doing now? My baby is currently 14 weeks, 7 corrected and will only sleep in the sling. My husband is currently walking round the garden with him.

How’s the sleep now?

@Anothertiredteacher ah reading this has bought back a lot of memories!! Congratulations. It’s so hard having a premature baby and I’m convinced it makes them extra sensitive! Our boy is now 18 months old and is still such a sensitive little soul. He co sleeps most of the night and still breast feeds, I’ve been unable to wean him so far!! But.. things did start to get better around 6 months regarding naps, one day he was just happy to fall asleep in the pram on a walk or was happy to be transferred to sleep. Something that really helped my mindset was looking into the Possums approach to sleep and trying to ignore all the wake window/ sleep training things you see online and just stop obsessing (easier said than done when you’re in the trenches!!). Anyway, my LO’s sleep hasn’t ever really improved (other than naps) but he’s so fun, such a bundle of love, so much fun to spend time with, it all gets better and better and things feel less tiring and less all consuming I promise. And for lots and lots of people their babies do start sleeping better!!! Hope this helps, I remember this feeling so so well and wish I could give himself a hug so sending all of that to you. You’ve got this xx

Yeah this is what we did. Mine didn't nap in her cot til she was over 12 months, but we used the buggy inside - also used a Rokit which helped, and if out we got a little bluetooth speaker to play white noise so she wasn't woken by a sudden noise nearby. If the nights are OK, I would really try and relax about naps. Mine has never napped much and I spent ages stressing about it but now we've accepted she just takes most of her sleep at night. I recommend the Possums approach, which is about getting out and doing things you enjoy, and letting baby nap on the go, when they want to, and not following 'wake windows' or schedules. Baby sleep, both day and night, is going to change constantly, it doesn't improve in a linear way! Just do whatever works to get baby and you as much sleep as you can, don't worry about 'habits' or the future.