HELP! 23 month old STILL waking multiple times a night. Becoming unsustainable.

[pistachiopastry]

Hi all! After some advice/help please!!

Our 23 month old DC has never been a good sleeper, rarely sleeps through, and wakes up crying / screaming about 3-4 times a night so one of us has to go into comfort them (by lying down next to them on the double floor bed).

From about 4:30am onwards one of us has to lie down with them for the rest of the morning (usually DC is then up for the day around 6:30am) otherwise they will just keep waking up/ not go back to sleep at all!!

I'm due another baby in a couple of weeks and no idea how we will cope as it's becoming unsustainable and making us a little resentful too.

DC gets PLENTY of activity and attention in the day. I'm a SAHM, take DC to lots of playgroups, classes, play dates, park etc and we spend at least half the day outside in fresh air. DC eats pretty well and is developing well otherwise. DC isn't ready to drop daytime nap yet (1-1.5 hours) and bedtime is usually around 8pm.

PLEASE let me know if there's any way we can stop these night wakings!!!!

I’m sorry to say that’s just the way some of them are. DS1 was the same.

What we did do for a while actually was make him a ‘nest’ down the side of our bed. He must have been 3 or 4 but it was for a good few months and instead of us going into him in the night, he’d come into us and sleep there. So we didn’t have to get up. Then you both can still be in the room to attend to the new baby too.

DS1 didn’t sleep through for years, DS2 was an epic sleeping since day 1 so don’t worry too much about this new baby! DD is 2.5 and woke up twice last night which is usual for her. I’m not really sure how you’re supposed to stop someone waking up if you're asleep yourself.

Our DC was and is the same. He will be 3 in a couple months.
We co sleep and bedshare / also sleeps in his own floor bed in the same room.
That is his personality he just needs a lot of comfort and closeness.

I had DS2 3 weeks ago and we all sleep in the same room. It is working out fine for now.
Have you tried having DP put DS to bed and then go to sleep in the same room try that for a few weeks and then slowly move out / away from DC?

My DS1 if he wakes in the night he just wants to be assured we are still close sometimes he just gets up looks and goes back to sleep sometimes he just needs a cuddle. We meet all his needs and he sleeps great now. We mived him to the floor bed when he was 20months old. It took a few months to get him used to it but now he often sleeps through the night without waking.
We are just going with the flow.

In my culture and my husbands culture it is very very very normal for children to room share and bed share until they are 4/5 years old.

I’m sorry to say that’s just the way some of them are. DS1 was the same.

I agree. My dd was the same. Still woke up multiple times in the night at that age. She's just turned 4 and wakes once in the night most nights.

Purely anecdotally, I think this runs in families (nature, not nurture, something in the brain). I've always slept terribly, which I get from my Dad's side, even though I never lived with him. I've always had vivid nightmares, scared of the dark etc. I can tell my dd has inherited it.

I think the only think to do is accept it.

Practically speaking, we changed dd's bed to a double bed once ds was born. Then if she needed us to, one of us could bunk in with her while the other could look after the baby in the master bedroom.

If that's not possible you could get a blow up bed in dc1's room

Thank you all for the advice. I think you're all right - ultimately it's down to the temperament or personality of the child and there is no quick fix. I was hoping there would be a magic solution but realistically knew there wouldn't be. It just feels like everyone else's DC of the same age doesn't do this (in my circle anyway), hence my slight frustration.

We do have a floor bed in DC's room and lie down next to them to get them to sleep at bedtime (or sometimes still resort to rocking!!), and that's how we resettle too. Might explore the option of moving DC into our room (on a mattress) for a while too if it doesn't improve....

Do they know how to get themselves to sleep independently? What is the bedtime routine?

Most children aren't able to learn one way of falling asleep at the beginning of the night (whether that is rocking or cuddling or parent being with them) and then spontaneously teach themselves to resettle a different way when they stir in the night.

No one, child or adult, completely 'sleeps through' the night, we all stir and resettle regularly. So if your toddler is falling asleep one way - then wakes in the night and everything is different - they are likely to freak out and need help again to resettle.

Basically, whatever you do at bedtime, you need to be willing to do the same whenever they stir in the night.

I would always go for self settling at bedtime with any props/crutches being things they can independently access without needing your help - comforters, dummies, white noise that can play through out the night.