Please I'm going to loose my mind

[Tiddybiddy247]

I need help.
I'm going to loose my mind. I have a 12 months old who I co sleeping with. He cannot sleep without a boob. He needs to be boobed to sleep. He has always been a terrible sleeper. I haven't had more than a two hour stretch of sleep in 12 months now. But for the last few months he's been waking hourly or every 30 mins. He needs a boob every time to get back to sleep and that can take 30 mins. I'm feeling ill and I'm scared I might hurt him because I get so cross I might scream!
I'm solo parenting. Baby just screams and screams if I take my boobs away. I'm lost. Don't know how to break this cycle but I know I can't do it anymore.

Put him to bed in his cot, in his room.

Go to bed.

Remember: always put your oxygen mask on first.

We've all been there!

Do you want to stop breastfeeding? If you do, that's perfectly fine, and may be what will break this cycle. How is he doing with foods?

I’m guessing you’ve tried a dummy and no luck? I know they aren’t great but in this situation could be worth it. Otherwise I agree with previous poster, just put him in his cot. It’s not perfect but it’s way better than hurting him because you are sleep deprived and trying to do this all by yourself and at the end of your tether, and no one should judge you for that, you included. You want to keep him safe, you recognise you are reaching your limit, you are a great parent and once you’ve had a bit of sleep you can work out your preferred strategy for a longer term solution. If you’ve got any source of white noise you could try putting that in with him, it can help. I really hope you get some sleep OP, hang in there, and don’t hesitate to ask for help from your GP / health visitor / any relatives who could even watch him for a couple of hours while you nap.

Dummy. Switch to whole milk or follow on so you know they have the calories. Own cot and sleep train (ie. Cry it out).

It’s hell for 48 hours but then they will sleep through the night. You have to just trust the process.

It sounds dramatic but if alternative is you dieing of sleep deprivation in a car crash then I am sure the evils of cry it out are better. Only you know if you’re at this stage. I was and I have zero regrets. Except that probably I should have done it earlier.

Do whatever makes your life easier. If that means sleep training, do it. If that means carrying on the way you are with extra support around your daytimes, do it.
Do you work? Is your child in nursery/childcare at all? If so take a week off work (unpaid if necessary) and use it to simply rest and get lots of sleep while they are in their care.

Thanks for your input everyone. Here's what I've tried...white noise machine, dummy and he has never taken it. He only has boobs when he's going to sleep. He has plenty of snacks and I make him three meals a day but he usually just nibbles bits until dinner when he eats much more. Sometimes has a bottle of formula around 5pm. But that's been a battle to get him to accept.

I don't have any family around and he's not in nursery (yet!) we are about to relocate to another town so didn't want to make too many changes at once. Up until this week I thought I could cope. I was ok with breastfeeding and he was sleeping better. In bed at 7/7.30 and slept solid until around 11.30 midnight. Then maybe four wake ups until 6.30 but little wakes where he'd go back off within mins and so would I.

But every couple of weeks it is like this for a few weeks and it's hell. I thought it could be teething so am giving him Calpol and I'm not sure it's doing anything.

I tried cry it out once and it was awful just awful. I don't have the strength to do it. He was clinging to me begging and choking on his tears...I just keep hoping it'll get better as he gets older but...

Are there people you can hire to help with this kind of thing?

Are you a single parent, OP?

Sorry, just seen you are. Perhaps you could hire a nanny if you can afford? To give you a break?

Ok here's the thing I'm not technically. My husband is here but he works away all week, that's why we are relocating. So Monday to Friday I'm on my own and he can't help at night because he doesn't have a boob. He's really keen to sleep train. He sleeps in the spare room and wants to get back in the bed

He's super helpful on weekends and takes the baby as soon as he wakes up and lets me sleep in.

Baby usually needs a nap around two and a half hour after waking up so comes back to me in bed. He then has a two hour or hour and a half nap around 1 or 12.30.

I just wish I knew how to break the boob sleep association.

I also had a very traumatic birth and was separated from baby in the beginning. I think I suffer a lot of mum guilt because of that and am still trying to make up for his crap entrance to the world

Hey lovely! You must be exhausted!

I have a 14 month old who I sleep trained. He sleeps 12 hours a night and can put himself back to sleep if he wakes.

Can your LO put himself to sleep? We started with day time sleeps then moved to night time when we stopped rocking him to sleep. He must be absolutely exhausted from all that nighttime waking. If you don’t mind me asking what’s your daytime routine?

Ours at 12 months and still now. Up at 7/7.30 breakfast. Snack at 8.30. Bottle just before sleep at 10am. Wake 11.30 I wake LO or they’d fight their next nap. Dinner between 12.30/1.30 it just depends what we’re doing. Sleep about 3 for half hour, again I wake LO or they’d fight bedtime. Shack when they wake. Tea at 5. Bath then bottle at 7pm then straight to bed. You’re daily routine can have a big impact on sleep too.

I tried cry it out once and it was awful just awful. I don't have the strength to do it

It will be WAY easier the 2nd night. By the 3rd or 4th he will go to sleep without bother and you won't look back.

It sounds like you don’t want to sleep train and that’s ok. Please don’t feel you have to, I know a lot of PP have suggested it but honestly if it’s not for you do not feel forced into it.
I also have (had) a very high needs co sleeping, boobie obsessed LO. Up until 3 weeks ago she would wake every 2 hours for boob. I didn’t mind so much as most of the time, like yours, it would be a quick feed and back to sleep. But I am now pregnant and we decided things had to change. The massive key to our changes has been my partner. I know yours works away a lot but is there a time when he won’t be? Can he take some time off to help?
My LO is now night weaned (she is 18 months though so not sure if you are ready for this completely) and she sleeps for much longer stretches, when she wakes my partner either gentle rocks her back or does a shush and bum pat!
It was a very gradual change for us, I never refused the boob during it but my partner tried first every time. My partner got her to sleep at the start of the night. We never let her cry it out as one of us was always with her. Some nights were really really tough where she wouldn’t sleep for hours but 3 weeks in and these seem to have stopped and she sleeps a lot better.
I just wanted to offer an alternative perspective to sleep training. It must be so hard when your partner is away but I would honestly have a really serious talk with him about how he can help the transition.
Good luck and if you need any more info, just ask. I hope it gets better for you xx