Drained at trying to get my 9 month old to sleep in cot!

[Lizbiz89]

My 9 nearly 10 month old has never been a great sleeper and ultimately ended up in our bed just for some peace. However I'm now trying to get him into his cot. I've been putting him in the last 3 weeks and it seemed like he was finally settling, however now he screams the place down when I put him down. I don't know why he's doing this. He's fine in the day, very happy. But as soon as put him in his cot he kicks off. It's actually draining me now. I hate hearing him scream for every nap and bedtime. Any suggestions?

So don't, and think of another option. Why do you want him in a cot? Because that's what's supposed to happen and everyone else does or is there another reason.

CoSleeping is quite normal in lots of countries, a bigger bed might be the answer rather than him sleeping alone.

Because I have 2 older children that I have to get ready for bed so I need some form of routine for him. I did try putting him to sleep in our bed but he was rolling around so much I was upstairs every 5 minutes in case he rolled off the bed. Just too dangerous. So cot seems the only safe sustainable option.

@Lizbiz89 can you put him in a sling and put the other two to bed, then try again when the nights are darker which tends to make it easier.

Put your matress on the floor.

9 months nearly broke me between separation anxiety and sleep regression. It might just be the wrong time to try this op.

I co slept with my youngest, and we attached a cot to our bed (this was before you could buy a side sleeper) and did some research to ensure it was safe - level mattress/no gaps etc.

Used that from early days, then in time, separated it from the bed and replaced the side but still beside us, and then eventually into a separate room.

Errm... not every parent wants to co sleep.

@Lizbiz89 9 months is a very tricky age, separation anxiety is common at that stage. I know you are busy with your other kids, but could you do some gentle sleep training? Shush pat/ gradual withdrawal etc.. I did controlled crying but I know that's not for everyone.

Do you have a routine for putting him down? Story or song or playing music, cuddly he has in there? Once you get sleep associations with the cot, it's much easier. Though this is easier said than done.

Maybe he can hear your other kids and has just got to the point where he's developmentally capable of fomo? Or teething so he's unsettled? Maybe one of those music light show things would work?

I disagree with pp who say just keep cosleeping, it's great if it works for you, but clearly it isn't.

I didn't say she had to keep CoSleeping but that it was an option if she wanted to many new parents don't because they think it's not the done thing and baby has to be in a cot. Turns out OP is a seasoned pro and it's probably just the LO hearing the rest still being up and about.

Thanks for the replies. Yes he's very much in a routine. Comes up for bath, then boob, then put him down 15 minutes later. I sit with him so he knows I'm there and until this week has been fine. He seems happy enough in the day. Very smiley and content so I don't think he's teething or uncomfortable. This is so out of my remit because my 1st 2 were bottle fed by 6 months so were able to self soothe quite well, where as my 3rd is ebf so he's extremely reliant on bfing to get to sleep. The only way I've been able to get him into his cot tonight is to literally feed him to sleep.

@Lizbiz89 if it's started suddenly I'd put money on teeth, or due to be under the weather soon.

If you look online, there's an Ikea cot that's not expensive that you can hack to be a side car cot to your bed. Might be worth a try if your concern is getting him in his own space while you get the others to bed? I found that a good transition. Side car cot, then in time put the side on and had it in my room next to the bed, then moved the cot into their room. I built a little pillow barrier each evening on my bed so if he did roll onto my bed from the cot he wouldn't roll out the bed onto the floor.

The thing about feeding to sleep is they learn the way to go to sleep is to suckle. They wake and feel tired and cry until they get boob, because that's what they think they need to sleep. It's fine so long as it works for you, I did it myself for ages.

If you can find a way, it's good to split off the idea of feeding from sleep so it's not the last thing he does - is your partner home? Could you feed them partner takes baby up?

Yeah this is something I've been trying to do and was doing quite well feeding a good 15-30 mins before bed so he didn't have that breast/sleep association, but at the moment it's all he will accept. So hard 😫. How did you break the breast/sleep assosiation?

We are going through this as we speak.
We started doing playtime in the cot in the day to get a positive association, maybe your older ones can help with this? Peek a boo over the sides of the cot has been a hit here.
I've stopped feeding to sleep by feeding before bath, downstairs, then doing bath etc. then when we put her down doing pat to sleep then we've been doing a return and reassure when she wakes up.
It has been bloody hard but we had great results the first week 8-9 hour stretches in her cot on her own. Full disclaimer the last two days have been crap again though. Unfortunately I think it's just perseverance with it, I absolutely hated it to start with and it seemed impossible but we got there.

It's years ago now but we did gradual retreat sleep training in the end. Both of my kids would go down fine after a week or so of it. Bloody hard but then so is sleep deprivation!

Just cosleep.

Has your DP tried putting your DS down? My almost 9 month old DD rarely goes down in her cot for me but will do so reliably every time for DH. A lot of the time when I try, DD screams and kicks out, probably cos she's EBF, can smell my milk and wants to stay attached to me.

@Lizbiz89 Get a bed rail for your bed (or better get, for a single bed for your baby!) and cuddle him to sleep. My daughter has been in a single bed (one side against the wall, bed rail on the other side) since she was 12 months old and decided she didn't want to sleep in a cot anymore!

@IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine think this may the only solution I can think of. He will nap in his cot but will not settle in it at night. Best I've got out of him is a few hours before he kicks off. And getting him to sleep is a fight in itself. I'm now having to rock him just to get him to sleep 😫. Did your lo sleep on the cot well before 12 months?

She did, yes, and then she suddenly decided she wanted to be cuddled to sleep! Since then, all naps and nighttime sleep have been in her bed.

Cuddling a baby to sleep and then sneaking away is MUCH easier than rocking them to sleep and putting them down in a cot!