11 year old suddenly struggling to sleep

[Musicmum40]

Hi! First post here and desperate for ideas and suggestions.

After sleeping brilliantly from the age of 2 and going out like a light every night, my ds (11) is suddenly really struggling to sleep.

This began last week while he was staying at Granny’s with his cousins (f: 12 and 8). We got a call to pick him up as he was too hot and couldn’t sleep. Went for him and he slept fine at home.

Cutting a long story short, he is now struggling to sleep at home too, with every night getting progressively worse. He is becoming very upset and is over-thinking and over-analysing the reasons why he is struggling. He has already told himself that he isn’t going to sleep tonight and I’m now dreading bedtime.

He’s always had a brilliant sleep routine, which I suppose we have been a little more lenient with as it’s the Summer holidays, but this is nothing out of the ordinary compared with summer holidays in years past. He will be starting high school in September, which I know is a source of some anxiety but he says this is not what is causing the sleep disturbances. We’ve tried asking what else is worrying him or whether he has been sent a message/seen something online that’s made his anxious but he says it’s nothing like that and he doesn’t know what’s causing it.

Could this simply be down to growing up/growth spurts/approaching puberty? I’d be really interested if anyone else has had a similar situation with a child of the same age and what you did to remedy this as I’m running out of ideas.

TIA

It seems obvious that it is high school causing this, even though he doesn’t think it is.

Yes, if he is about to start a new school it is almost certainly that.

Lots of outdoor exercise and daylight will still help.

I would say it's school as well. I often don't know what caused my anxiety at the time but afterwards I have a lightbulb moment and think it's was xxx. Plenty of exercise, downtime, friends and a healthy diet without too much sugar (junk). IMO try not to pressurise him too much into saying what's wrong as this may contribute to the anxiety if he doesn't realise what's causing it.

OP I could have written your post about my 12 year old daughter! Exactly the same. Amazing sleeper from 7 weeks old and then suddenly up with her in the night. She was crying and anxious… I ended up sleeping in bed with her. Ridiculous. She could easily identify that it was about high school however that didn’t stop it. I also think it is puberty .She did get slightly better after e induction days.

in the end I treated it like sleep problems with adults. Good sleep hygiene etc but the most helpful thing was helping her tackle the anxiety about not sleeping… as they have been good sleepers all their lives they have no mechanism to cope with the anxiety. I reassured her that you can’t die from no sleep… that you can function ok on very little sleep, that you will catch up the next night if you have a bad night… that she was transitioning to being a grown up and grown ups don’t go out like a light and then sleep solidly for 12 hours etc etc. this has worked! She is now much better. She takes time to go to sleep but doesn’t panic like she used to… reassurance! Good luck op… it has made me happy to read your post that’s someone else has gone through this too

11 year old daughter 🙄

Thank you for your responses. Last night was slightly better- he went to bed at 9.00pm and was asleep after about an hour, but the was awake again at around 3.30am. I’ve reassured him the he did get a good chunk of sleep and that it’s a really good starting point. I hope this is the start of things improving as I am struggling too with worry and lack of sleep.

He’s now also adamant that he’s never going to be able to sleep anywhere but home because this started at Granny’s. Any ideas for this as we have tickets for a show next Friday. Would it be better to:

a) Sell the tickets and just not go
b) Go, but ask Granny to come and sit in with him at ours
c) Make him stay out and hope that he settles?

Thanks all

Isn’t this what the new Inside out 2 film is about? The sudden onset of anxiety at this age and not knowing what to do.

Maybe let him see the film.

It’s definitely about school, even if he isn’t actively thinking about it. We all know what that feeling is like, end of summer going back to school! It’s really horrible.

It’s also probably coupled with puberty/growth spurt so if there isn’t already one, I would put in a supper before bedtime. Toast and a hot drink or cereal or something.

i think carry on as normal and get him to adapt by reassurance that his anxiety is disproportionate. If you give in to anxieties then they never go away as they are never challenged.