Hello all,
Second time mum here to DS2 but I feel like the absolute worst mum in the world.
My 8 week old chilled content happy boy has, in the last two weeks, been replaced with an absolute terror and I think I am losing my mind. He previously would do a 3 hour stint at the start of the night to 1.5/2 hour wake ups - totally manageable. I’m not sure if he’s going through a growth spurt / developmental change or something but he is now - and I’m not exaggerating- barely sleeping, day or night. It can’t be good for him and it’s pushing me to the edge. I have realistic expectations - I’m in no way expecting him to sleep through, I’d just like him to do anything longer than 10 minutes - and feel because I’ve been through this before with DS1 I should know how to cope but I’m really, really not.
He is ebf, usually feeds or rocks to sleep. In the day he will drift off but wake up again within 20-30 mins. I’m happy for him to contact nap on me so he gets some sleep and I’m in no rush to get him napping in the crib but even on me he wakes up not long after. We have a carrier but he thrashes his head around and can’t seem to settle. He does take a dummy but seems to have a bit of a love hate relationship with it - it does calm him down when he’s crying and sometimes when he’s been feeding for what feels like hours and hours I’ll give him his dummy and his eyes drift off - but he’s usually awake again very quickly. I get as much fresh air as I can in the day and we spend the days walking in the pram or literally driving around so I can give him some kind of cat nap but again as soon as we stop he wakes up.
Night times are even worse, made harder by the fact I feel so lonely and a complete failure. He will feed to sleep around 8-8.30, at which point I give him to my partner and he does sleep for an hour or two settled on him and I get some sleep. My partner also takes him around 5am and I get an hour before DS1 wakes up. But he has a very intense job, is doing all the nursery runs with our eldest, putting him to bed, cooking dinner and clearing up then taking the baby from me and I’m conscious of how much he’s doing and starting to resent me.
During the night as soon as I transfer baby to crib he wakes up - and he’s definitely awake rather than active sleep. We previously swaddled but he’s starting to roll onto his side so I can’t really do that any more. I Feed him to sleep, hold him up for 30-40 mins to try settle into a deep sleep and transfer him but we repeat this cycle 8-9 times a night. I honestly feel like I have tried everything:
crib on an incline
my clothes in crib
hot water bottle in crib
Purflo sleepyhead in crib (approved for overnight sleep)
Rockit pram rocker on crib
co sleeping - he just doesn’t seem to settle
white noise
swaddle
rocking and sshing and putting down super drowsy
etc etc.
i am losing my mind. I know it will get better but I can’t stop crying and I’m starting to resent my sweet boy which makes me feel even worse. I feel like a total failure - several friends had babies around the same time who seem complete angels and only wake once or twice. I’m considering a switch to formula just to take a level of stress off me as I don’t particularly enjoy breastfeeding and only do it for the benefits - and I just need a break.
i am awake all night long with him sleeping on me until my partner takes over at 5. I just don’t want to do this anymore and in fact I can’t do this anymore. I feel so so awful and not present for my partner or my lovely 2 year old and that i am completely fading into oblivion.
im certain he is over tired and now he is more awake and alert I am playing with him much more during the day and getting some lovely smiles which makes my heart melt. But this quickly turns to tears, frustration and anger when it comes to his sleep.
If you made it this far, thank you for listening. Please, does anyone have any advice. I just don’t know what to do.