How to stop 21mo feeding to sleep

[3ormorecharacters]

DS is 21 months and still feeds to sleep at the start of the night and during night wakes (usually 1-3 a night). He will settle for others (my mum, DH) with no or minor complaint, but if I try it he just screams and screams. I have a 3yo DD too and don't want her to be disturbed, and also just don't have the time or patience to spend a long time battling over it so always give in quickly and just feed him. But it's getting to the point where I really want to stop, I just don't know how.

I know the obvious answer is for DH to take over for a bit but for various reasons that's not an option for a sustained enough period of time. We are on holiday for a couple of weeks soon where that might be more of an option, but I know DS might be a bit unsettled away from home and I don't want to take away a source of comfort from him or make the holiday stressful for us all.

One concern I have is that DS doesn't really seem to have any other reliable methods of self comfort - DD has always sucked her finger and self weaned quickly because she had this other method of soothing herself. DS doesn't do anything like this and has no special comfort items.

I know there's probably not an easy answer except gripping up and commiting to it and accepting that there will be some screaming, but does anyone have any other words of wisdom?

Do you want to keep breastfeeding? A baby can't understand why he/she is allowed to feed during the day but not at night, it's confusing and will likely lead to a lot of tantrums and upset.

If you want to keep going, then you get your DH to do 2 weeks straight of night settling. Surely it's the least he can do after you've breastfed for so long? That will hopefully reduce the night waking without you having to wean.

If you do want to stop breastfeeding suddenly, you'll still either need him to take on nights for a week or so, or be very strict and committed. It'll be painful (engorgement), I'd recommend ice packs.

He doesn't breastfeed during the day, apart from at nap time (once a day). He eats well and doesnt need the milk at all, it's just a comfort thing. I know the best / only real solution is DH taking over for a bit, it's just really hard for various reasons to arrange that for a sustained period of time.

Could you go away for a weekend. You need to break the habit. Cold turkey.