Breaking the feed-to-sleep habit

[feelingmywaythrough]

My daughter is 14 weeks old. She is neither a brilliant sleeper nor a terrible one and things are going well for us. We have a very flexible routine in the day for naps, following wake windows and an eat-awake-sleep pattern, with varying degrees of success when it comes to self-settling, all of which I’m happy with given her age and stage. When it comes to bedtime, we have a much stricter routine – bath, feed (breastfeed then bottle top-up), bed. It works well and she tends to go down easily.

I am conscious, however, that we’re feeding her to sleep. I know some people will say this doesn’t matter, but I would like to gently start to encourage her to self-settle at night too, so that when the time is right we can start some gentle sleep training. Does anyone have any tips that could help change this pattern? I know I could give her her feed before her bath, but I wouldn’t want her to be sick after that big intake. Advice appreciated!

She’s far too young to self soothe. At this age she still doesn’t realise she’s a separate person to her mother. If you want to try different techniques to get her to sleep then layering actions such as patting her bum and rocking her while feeding her is a start. Then remove the feed and continue the associated behaviour.

Thanks @GodspeedJune. She does occasionally self-soothe when she goes down for a nap, sucking her fingers before going to sleep… and she has no trouble drifting off in the main. It’s the feeding-to-sleep routine I’m looking for tips for. Associated behaviour sounds good. I wonder if anyone could shed light on whether feeding before the bath is a good or bad idea, for instance.

At 14 weeks I wouldn't worry. Mine naturally stopped feeding to sleep (although still had milk before bed up to about 2.5 years) around 6 months. We didn't remove the bottle at 6 months but they would put it down then settle to sleep.
We never fed before bath because to me bathing on a full stomach of milk seems harsh on them.
I'd stick to a routine that works for the time being rather than changing things up.

That’s really good to know, @SJC2015. A lot of people warn against it feeding to sleep, so it’s encouraging to know she may just grow out of it, esp. if she’s not doing so in the day.

I agree with you on the bath thing – I can’t think of anything worse than having a bath with all that milk sloshing around inside me!

We split the last feed - half at 5.30, then bath, massage, songs, dim light and 2nd half before put down at 7ish.

Are you being influenced by social media or some other source when you mention 'a lot of people ' warning against feeding to sleep?
Please bear in mind there's a lot of people who have a monetary interest in scaring you into thinking feeding to sleep is some kind of terrible sin that needs 'fixing'. At 14 weeks this is a really young baby and things change so rapidly especially with sleep, what works one day won't work in six weeks time and you'll find something else.
I really ruined the first few months of motherhood being scared by "bad habit" rhetoric and it's time I'll never get back and I so wish I'd just chilled out about it.
If it becomes a problem by all means go ahead and try and make changes but you haven't mentioned that it's actually a problem for you? Self soothing will come when baby is developmentally ready

oh @PearlSnake I hadn’t even thought of that! In all likelihood, yes… such is the power of the midnight scroll! That is quite eye-opening. Thank you xx

Please don't worry about creating bad habits. Just be responsive and go with it and enjoy your baby. I fed to sleep for 18 months then decided to stop breastfeeding and managed to just cuddle my son to sleep instead, it was absolutely fine!

Also FWIW, Sleep training isn't really a thing, don't pay for it.

Baby and toddler sleep is not reliable predictable or linear. Your baby doesn't need fixing.

Meant in the kindest possible way - I know it's hard!

Girl I have been there and worked myself up into a total tizzy about it.
Please beware of anyone that creates a 'problem' and wants money for the 'solution'.
All babies are different but I thought mine would never do it, at 6 months she stopped falling asleep on a feed and 'self soothed' in her cot (accompanied by a horrible whingey noise that really made me miss the peaceful breastfeed and cuddle). And then along will come teething, learning a skill, mercury being in retrograde and it'll all go out the window anyway 🤣
Try not to worry too much about something that's not a problem presently, as hard as it is!

@blueberry23 @PearlSnake thank you both. It’s lovely to be advised to just enjoy it - and that’s what I’ll do.

We sleep trained at 5 months and it worked well. Baby was fed to sleep naps and night. It didn't take long at all and he quickly got it. Now 6 months and goes down great!!!!!

I don't think it would have been as succesful any earlier and it sounds like your on a great track!

We fed to sleep till around eight months when it suddenly stopped working. We then cuddled to sleep until it stopped working at nine months and sleep trained at ten months.
Every baby is different so try to do whatever is currently working for both of you and change it when it's not.

Honeatly you can try lots of things but if the baby is not developmentally ready then it won't work and will just be torture.
Inhave some friends who's baby accepted the feeds being dropped with little fuss. Then my DS1 who acreamed bloody murder. He was not ready until we night weaned at 20months. Every child is different. And some are ready at 6 months some not until 2-3. Sleep doesnt fully mature until age 5.

Omg snap! I jumped on the sleep training bandwagon at 6 weeks! And that damn huckleberry app. I tried alp thensleep training methods and it was just screaming hell every night.
Nearly sent me into PND. I came across IBCLC Emma Pickett and my life changed. Also Dr William / Bill Spears Pediatrician who talks about developmental readiness.
After that I just did what I felt was right and listened to my gut. Got udgment from people but DS1 is theoving and very happy and bright child and we have a close bond.

When we weaned at 20months DS only took 4 nights to sleep train at night. Where we just held him and put down sleepy but awake with little reaistance. Now at 2.5yrs old we still stay in the room and cuddle but he goes into his bed and self settles. And we can leave the room.

Every child is different.