Tips for 18mo night weaning

[StarShine23]

We have an 18mo who has always breastfed to sleep & co slept. My wife is now pregnant with twins, so is struggling with this (tiredness, aversion, reduced milk) so we have tried night weaning.
I have taken over nights, baby has a cup of milk before bed and water in night if needed. she goes to sleep ok after a rock and sleeping transition. however when she wakes (every 1-2 hours) she kicks off because all she wants is breastmilk.
I've tried shushing, patting, rocking, slinging. nothing works. my wife has come in to try to settle her back down on the breast but her milk has reduced so much in just the week that we have been trying this that baby ends up more frustrated, and wife is getting really upset.
The only thing that seems to work for me is rocking her for hours on end (she wont let me sit down so my back is killing and its not sustainable) or her pram, whereby she can sleep for 4 hours in there whilst i crash on the sofa. But this doesn't feel safe or right in the long term.

Any of you lovely people have any tips or words of wisdom?

It does sound difficult. Have you tried Dr Jay Gordon's gentle night weaning method?

What's her food intake like in the day? Is she getting plenty of protein and fat?

And have a read of 12 alternatives for the all night nurser

You need to leave her in her cot in her own room. Keep going in to reassure but don't pick her up she will settle eventually and each night should get easier. There no easy way to solve it without some crying I'm afraid.

Has your wife tried being elsewhere? I went away for work for 3 nights at 18 months and used that as our weaning. Might be easier if she's not in the picture to offer the breast and confuse the little one. It really only took a few days and they were fine with a cuddle to sleep. Good luck

Don't listen to people like PP saying you 'must' leave your baby to cry alone in the dark, in their cot. Tbh in this situation as her milk is drying up anyway the kindest thing might be gently weaning altogether. It will be confusing for your toddler to be getting only a tiny bit of milk. And I say this as a BF mum of a one year old. That way you or your wife will still be able to comfort baby when she wakes in the night and within a couple of weeks she will be sleeping better.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I dont know how to respond individually, but answers to all:

We're not going to let her cry it out on her own, we don't believe in that approach personally. We are decorating a bedroom for her and are going to get her a Montessori bed, but that's the longer term plan. Our main focus is the gentle weaning and trying to find ways to soothe her back to sleep.

She's not a great eater unfortunately, really hit and miss with appetite and what she will actually eat. She wont eat any meat at all, spits it our or plain refuses. She will eat fish and lentils at least. And cheese on everything if we'd let her.

Thanks for the recommended reads, i'll take a look and see if there are any extra ideas we can try.

Wife is sleeping in the spare room, so she's there as a back up, but i'm trying to manage the getting to sleep and settling without her (to varying degrees of success)

My main challenges are:

• DD freaks out when I pick her up to try to settle her as she's mostly asleep.
• I've tried waiting this out, shushing, singing but it often escalates and i end up calling wife in to settle her on the breast
• If she is ok with me picking her up, she will only let me stand and rock her, no sitting until she is really deeply asleep. This is wearing my back out

For those that have gently weaned, what approaches did you / your partner use to soothe baby back to sleep whilst they got used to sleeping without breast?

Thanks

Hi all, just a quick update from us:

3 months on from this our little girl has now slept a few full nights in her own bed!!

We bought a rocking chair to ease my back and I've phased her out of cosleeping by putting something between us so she's got less used to waking up with someone. Gradually built up the amount of time she slept in her own bed.
Been a slow but gentle process.
Thanks again for your support x

That is a great update. Thank you.

You’re doing a cracking job and nice to see and fully hands on dad. Good luck going forward with you little family.