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Sleep

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Original poster

Struggling at night time with newborn

17 replies

AWilliams24 · 30/07/2024 07:48

Hi everyone,

I am a FTM with my 3 day old and while I know we’re in the very early days, night times are proving to be very challenging. Our LO will not settle in her next to me in our room, so we’ve been staying awake pretty much constantly downstairs while holding her - she also won’t settle in her bassinet downstairs either. We just can’t get her to settle when she is put down and she needs to be held at all times of a night. Obviously this is making things a bit difficult and with my emotions sky high, I don’t know how much longer I can cope.

Does anyone have any advice for getting newborns to settle on their own and maybe some insight into your evening/ nighttime routines? Thanks all!

OP posts:

MulberryBushRoundabout · 30/07/2024 07:53

Honestly I know it’s horrendous but it’s also totally normal. Your little baby has been curled up warm and rocked inside you for their whole existence, and now the world is big and scary and what looks like a cozy soft next to me to us is like a slab of concrete outside in winter to a newborn!

If you have a partner who is playing their part and anything other than a long distance lorry driver (or maybe surgeon), then the easiest option for the first few weeks is to live in shifts. Have one of you sit up with baby while the other gets some sleep.

Lunamoon23 · 30/07/2024 07:53

Have you tried a swaddle sleep suit? X

Porridgeislife · 30/07/2024 07:53

I think at this stage you might need to look into what can change to help your baby. Your baby is brand new and all she knows is your warm tummy so it’s not a surprise that she wants to be held at this stage. You can’t really impose a routine on a baby so young.

Have you tried a dummy or a noise machine, or a swaddle suit?
Dummies aren’t ideal when you’re trying to establish breastfeeding but sometimes needs must.

Is your partner also on parental leave? Can you look at sleeping in shifts? If you are breastfeeding, you could also look into safe co-sleeping.

Hang in there, it’s really tough to be running on zero sleep but at this stage your baby needs you to meet her needs.

flowertoday · 30/07/2024 07:56

Congratulations 🎊. First days and weeks with a newborn are hard. Your baby won't want to be away from you and will cluster feed in the evening and feed through the night if you are breastfeeding. The only way is to go with it.
Having baby's bassinet or crib right next to your bed should allow.you to hopefully transfer them after a feed so you can get a bit of rest. A baby sling is a good shout , one of the cloth ones so they can be right close to you.
Don't expect too much of yourself or you baby. Xx

MapleTreeValley · 30/07/2024 07:58

Keep trying to put her down - one time it will unexpectedly work and she will stay asleep! Until then, take turns with your partner to sleep.

Blu3Bell · 30/07/2024 08:06

My baby was the same, by about a week old he was miles better. I used to stay up all night holding him whilst watching tv (partner was/is incapable of holding him and not falling asleep) then hand him over to partner or my mum so I could grab some sleep in the morning.

Having a routine when they are that tiny is impossible, but I found trying bedtime after 10pm was easier. Baby is now 4 months and starts crying for bed at 630! He still struggles with napping in his bed, but will sleep in cot overnight from 7ish to 5ish with a couple of wake ups. I know It's hard right now, but it does get better.

DreadPirateRobots · 30/07/2024 08:08

If you are breastfeeding: cosleep.

LemonAndLimesAndAllThingsNice · 30/07/2024 08:11

This is just par for the course I’m afraid!

For the first 3 months DH and I would take it in shifts, so one of us would sleep 7pm - 1am and the other would sleep 7pm - 7am, then we both got a good chunk of sleep. Sometimes we would do alternate nights.

We were EBF so on his time with her DH would bring her to me to feed and take her away again to wind/change/settle.

We had a sling, so she would sleep on DH while he played video games and with me I would watch tv.

It doesn’t last forever, and I miss those days! Google the 4th Trimester - it’ll make more sense.

You just need to manage your expectations about sleep and how it will look different for a while. Being able to put baby down in the cot and for them to sleep while you sleep in your bed is unfortunately too much of an ask right now!

Sailawaygirl · 30/07/2024 08:18

I used to for a evening walk at 9 with baby. Then sit on sofa cluster feeding till baby fell asleep on me deeply sometime between 10 and midnight. I listened to audio books to keep awake while baby was trying to sleep

Attictroll · 30/07/2024 08:20

Totally normal for first 6 weeks with mine.we lived in shifts a bit. A sling helped loads I still can see dp with ds in a sling working on his lap top after I woke from a much needed nap.

The sling also helped us manage to sit down and eat as a couple although it involved not to much over hot food 😂

Enjoy your new born but it's very tough - I always found life easier when they got to 6 months.

WingBingo · 30/07/2024 08:22

This is the stuff no one tells you. I had no idea you couldn’t just “put them to bed”

its totally normal and will pass.

peonyjam · 30/07/2024 08:22

It is so so hard. Do you have a partner? And are you breastfeeding? My husband would bounce on a ball with our newborn in a stretchy sling and he would settle in there while I got some sleep then we would switch and I'd just sit up breastfeeding. We slept in shifts. Sometimes we did fall asleep with the baby on our chests because we were so exhausted. There is a way to make this safer and I wish I'd known about it. Have a look at Happycosleeper on instagram if you're on there.

Machiavellian · 30/07/2024 08:25

Look up 4th trimester. Your baby has been inside of your body for 9 months. Of course they're not going to like sleeping separately and in a bed. Co sleep.

Hedgehog23 · 30/07/2024 08:26

Does baby wake up if you feed them to sleep and then put them down?

Either consider bed sharing (which worked for my youngest) or if you have a partner, take turns at night so you can get some sleep.

it’s really tricky with a wee one who doesn’t want to be put down.

ButterCrackers · 30/07/2024 08:29

Breastfeed lying down in bed and your newborn will sleep and feed. They’ve just been born so need the close contact and food source 24/7.

Twocents · 30/07/2024 13:45

Try BF while in cuddle curl (safe co-sleeping position. We had to do this as she wouldn't sleep in the moses basket. We put our mattress on the floor. After a month we could get her in the moses basket. I'd try the next to me after a couple of weeks. Might be more likely. Agree with PP, no-one tells you they might not sleep in a cot/next to me/moses basket!

Bcdfghjk · 30/07/2024 13:52

We had to do shifts. Do you have a partner? If so, even if they go back to work they can still fully participate in the shifts. I did this while breastfeeding too and they would wake me up to feed if needed. If they are on leave just now make sure you do shifts all through the day and night to try and get as much sleep as possible.

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