Hoping someone will answer. Need kind words.

[AgathaRose]

DH of ten years walked out this evening. Quite minor quarrel over usual parenting issues -how to handle bedtimes etc-. Suddenly he was shouting and coming towards me threateningly. I said he should go and he did. I don't know if it's for good.
Utterly exhausted as full-time mum of demanding two year old and 5 month old who still barely sleeps at night. Been feeling very very blue and tearful for a few weeks as well.
For the last week severe cracked nipples with terrible pain on feeding have meant even less sleep.
Feel so tired. Don't know what to do.

I am about to go to bed as have an early start in the morning but hope that some space between you even for tonight, will help to diffuse things a bit.

As a side issue- I'm a sleep & routine consultant and will happily help with a free routine if that would be of any support?

Email me a 'diary' of a 24 hour routine including naptimes, feeds, and any activities and I'll do my best to help.

I hope things seem a little brighter for you in the morning and fingers crossed somebody who's a little more awake than I am will post some more helpful advice for the 'here and now'.

Cant read and run. Poor you.

You need two or three days of sleep

You need help with your 2yo during the day.. maybe if someone could have her for you a couple of days this week and you GO TO BED for a catch up it would help. Is this possible?

You're so run down I'm sure that must be an additional reason why your nipples remain so severe. Can you talk to a breastfeeding counsellor.

I have no idea, obviously, but I feel sure your dh will be back. He will be under huge stress too and while that's no excuse for the "threateningly" he hopefully has shocked himself into seeing you need more help.

I don't know what you should do either AR, but am sending you big hugs.
Have you a friend / family you can call to come over tomorrow to take them off your hands so you can sleep / rest for a bit?
Hope it goes Ok tomorrow. maybe your DH just wants a break from the situation - nothing personal - maybe he's knackered also?

Anyway hugs your way {{{{hugs}}}}

Has he been supporting and helping you with the kids? Breastfeeding can be tiring and draining, so with a toddler to deal with as well it's no wonder you're exhausted

Him shouting and behaving in a threatening manner is definately not on at all.

My email address is: nurseyjo 1973 @ hotmail .co.uk

Hi AgathaRose you said it was quite a minor quarrel so maybe its just because you are both stressed out. I am sure he'll be back and you can work it out. Try to get some sleep.

I'm so sorry, it's such a stressful time when they are that age. I hope things are better in the morning and that you get some sleep. Can someone baby sit for you, even just for an hour, so you and DH can go out - even just a walk in the fresh air - a short break away from the children and the house?

Bugger. I walked out today on my family. Dp sat on sofa complaining of something or other, DC doing my head in. I needed space, me time, time doing nothing for no one. I never, ever have "me" time. Today I cracked. All I did was drive out, pick up a newspaper, then sat in the car reading cover to cover. I needed it. I came home fresh, new approach to the crap that's going on.

I have also been at the other end when DP came at me with hands around my throat. I left for safty reasons with the DC, and legged it a good plane journey between us.

We did Relate, they helped/saved us.
That was 4 years ago. Fortunatly, we both have the "tools" to sort ourselves out. Me going for "a drive" today, helped DP realise that I was having a hard time.
I didn't want to shout, i've been doing that all week at the DC. I wanted DP to spend a day with DC so he could understand a "full"day.

As I am typing this post to you my DS4 (almost 11) is wandering around shouting downstairs 'I cant go to sleep.' I am panicking because my H of 30 years is due home anytime from work. Oh my love I know how you are feeling.

If you do have family or friends close by do 'use them' and please try to sleep.

Problems like this are always so much worse at this time of night. I will be thinking about you. Try to remember there are thousands of great mums, just like you, all thinking the same thoughts you are right now. Some of us are lucky enough to be on MN.

Keep singing the song 'things can only get better.' If you live in the Bolton area bring them round to mine and we will moan together. xxxx

Agathrose, You'll get though this. Because you are strong and you have to. Ignore the twat, get on and deal with life. It'll make you a stronger, better, more attractive person I bet!!! It's in you. Go girl. Enjoy the fact you can mn whenever you want, you don't have to..... just do what you flammin well want, when you want. He's weak for walking. Where's his back bone, the spinless MF. It's hard, really hard bringing up DC. Should you ever gret together again. Make a point of himhaving DC on his own for a day.

Thank you all so much. What wise and kind people you are. MN is a godsend.

Can't get help with sleep for now, but in better moments i can see clearly that it's not forever and that thought does keep me going.

Sixer i love your escape route. -Isn't it amazing what a great difference such small things can make. I haven't managed to read a paper cover to cover for three years, but I once resorted to sitting under a bush all evening.-May sound barking, but it restored my sanity.

Shabster I'm nowhere near Bolton, but I'll be thinking of you too. You're lovely.

ShinyPinkShoes, thankyou so much for your incredibly kind offer. Can't think clearly enough to record anything right now, but will try to do so soon. I'm sure that just the exercise of observing and recording would help me to see what's going on myself.

Thank you again for giving up your time.