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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

anybody managed to (gently) teach an older baby to fall asleep by themself?

11 replies

sparklyshoos · 13/04/2008 21:29

DS is 13mo. Never been a great sleeper, but he manages to sleep through from 7-7 maybe 2 nights out of 7. The other nights he might wake 2 or 3 times and needs one of us to settle him back to sleep...the problem being he doesn't fall asleep by himself at bedtime.

I took months to help him fall asleep by himself in his cot, but only i could settle him at bedtime or in the middle of the night (BF until 12mo), so DH started trying to settle him at bedtime and succeeded, which was great, but managed it by lying down with him on his playmat then transferring to cot when asleep. Now he won't fall asleep any other way and it's the same when he wakes at night too.

We're not going to do CC, have read NCSS and the Sears sleep book, but I just can't pick up a book on this again and would love to hear of any success stories for helping an older baby learn it's ok to fall asleep by themself, by GR/GW and how long it took / what you did...please. I need hope and sleep!!!

OP posts:

busymum1 · 13/04/2008 21:45

Parent at my daughters dancing had this and her child was SIX she always did the same as it was easier suggested she tried changing bed time routine so child was in her bed and she sat on chair next to bed 3 days later moved away from bed After week mum came back said could not believe how easy it had been but could not break middle of the night tears etc when mum was too far away suggested that she remained calm and persevered but gave child a t-shirt with her scent on so she could still be close to her mums smell (weird how kids link smells with parents to settle them)this was amazing as when she woke up she cuddled teddy wearing her mums top and settled back down. I know this child was older but she had been same all her life after two weeks middle of night waking stopped and now mum sits down stairs does not go into her at all this has worked now for over a year GOOD LUCK

Original poster

sparklyshoos · 13/04/2008 21:51

thank you so much busymum1! that's good to hear...any other stories also welcome...

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bran · 13/04/2008 21:55

When ds came to us at 10.5 months he had always been rocked to sleep in his foster family's arms. We tried a few approaches, but one of the things that really helped with the night-time waking was an attachment toy (a soft boy-doll in our case). We attached him to the toy by making sure the toy was always there when he was comforted, e.g. if he fell and cried we would pick him up and comfort him and also pick up the toy and the toy would comfort him too. When we put him to be we would kiss him and the toy good-night and the toy would kiss him good-night, so the toy was part of his falling asleep routine. It took a few weeks but after a while he would only cry for us in the middle of the night if he couldn't find the toy. We could still hear hime wake up now and then but he re-settled himself by cuddling the toy.

Warning - make sure that you have more than one of the attachment toy as it would be a nightmare if you lost it.

Original poster

sparklyshoos · 13/04/2008 22:04

thanks bran, will give that a go - we've tried to get DS attached to a comfort toy and have the softest cosiest teds, to no avail so far, but will try your tips. (He loves a plastic jingly egg-ball, his toothbrush or teething ring and happily falls asleep with these for his naps , maybe we should let him take one of them to bed see if it helps???)

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paddington99 · 13/04/2008 22:06

Having your sleep disturbed is horrible, and I really feel for you. IMO, 13 months is still pretty young to be going to sleep alone.

I can reassure you that it's possible to follow any old routine at bedtime and during the night, without 'spoiling' a child's ability to go to sleep on their own. I cuddled my son to sleep until he was nearly 2 and a half, and I always cuddled him back to sleep when he woke in the night - which after the age of about 15 months was hardly ever. From this point onwards, he happily went to sleep on his own. He's now 5 and still a beautiful sleeper.

I couldn't have done controlled crying either, although I'm sure it works for other mums. If you're not happy with your routine now, can you gradually start pulling back - start by putting him in the cot just before he goes to sleep. If he cries, get him out, and try again once he's nearly asleep again. If you usually touch him on the playmat, keep touching him in the cot at first, then maybe just sit next to him. I did something similar and I think it took around 4 weeks - quite a long time compared to CC, but it worked for me. Feels like forever at the time, but it does pass!

Try and go easy on yourself. For a baby of this age, do whatever gets you through the night most easily. I truly believe you can't spoil a baby.

BTW, I would give anything for one more night in the rocking chair comforting my baby.

Good luck

PuppyDogTails · 13/04/2008 22:10

I'm in a similar situation sparkly so I'm watching with interest. DS also loves his toothbrush and will still be gripping it when he's fast asleep!

My problem is that if I don't judge it right and he's slightly too awake when he goes in his cot then he stands up straight away. Then it can take ages to get him to settle. If I judge it right then I can stroke his back and shush him to sleep.

nobodysfool · 13/04/2008 22:10

We used this.The remote control feature is great as you can move further and further away from dc.I wouldn't put it in the bed as they can just press the pillow and restart it manually but just outside of arms reach is fine.

www.amazon.co.uk/Fisher-Price-Winnie-Pooh-Sleep/dp/B00005BZD5

paddington99 · 13/04/2008 22:11

Just read some of the other replies and can echo these great tips - my son still has a fleece blanket in bed!

PuppyDogTails · 13/04/2008 22:11

That's a really comforting post paddington.

nobodysfool · 13/04/2008 22:13

Paddington99- please tell us your son is 25!

Original poster

sparklyshoos · 13/04/2008 23:12

thanks all for the lovely messages - paddington, thanks for that, we've felt so strongly that what we're doing is the right thing as we want DS to feel confident that we love him and will come when he needs us and hope that he'll just grow out of it when he's ready, so maybe i should stop worrying so much.

we've spent a fortune on comfort toys ( the taggies @ £18?!!, the cot mobile that clunked, played lights on the ceiling that woke him further) then I spent his birthday money on lovely bedding for his cot, which actually really seemed to help, but still happy to try on recommendation, so keep them coming!!!

puppydogtails - sometimes it's not just the toothbrush, - I was in the chemist one day and the lady asked me what he was clinging onto in his sleep and looked at me so oddly when i said oh it's his nappy cream!!! the things that become normal in life eh?

thanks for all the replies, off to bed now, but will check again tomorrow, nite nite.

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