Co-sleeping with toddler and newborn?

[i83]

If you co-slept with your toddler, did they stay in with you, when you had your newborn too?

Did the newborn wake the toddler every time they cried?
Did you feel that actually, the toddler would be better off in their own room after all?

We have co-slept with our son, who is now 16 months old. It’s worked very well for us.
He sleeps in his cot so has his own space but with one side taken off and it next to our bed.
He sleeps so well and is in a great routine. We like him being in with us and not on his own.

I’m now 3 months pregnant and am wondering where it would be best for our toddler to be sleeping, by the time the new baby arrives.

The options are:

• Transition him gently into his room, starting very soon, with his Dad sleeping in there with him (to start off with at least)

The cons to this are:
Me and my husband will be sleeping in separate rooms for however long.
My husband will have to sleep on a mattress on the floor, next to our son’s cot (which he doesn’t mind but it might not be great for his back)
My husband might not get very good nights sleep for a while, during the transition at least and he has a very stressful job which he needs to be switched on for!
Our toddler’s room is right next to ours so he might wake up when the baby cries anyway.
I didn’t think he’d be sleeping in his own, till he was a bit older.

Or…..

• Both toddler and newborn are in our room, in this format… Toddler in cot, then Dad, then me, then baby in next to me crib.

This is what I think I’d prefer but I’m worried about our toddler being woken multiple times in the night.

Well done if you’ve got this far, sorry for the long post!!
Any thoughts or advice please?
What did you do?

I think the advice is that when cosleeping it should be ONLY you and the newborn in the bed. But then again, you also do know how big your bed is!

We did option 1 - DS slept with DH in one room, me + baby in another. But DS has always had a full-size single bed, rather than a cot bed. And ended up moving to the spare room anyway, because he liked the novelty

Your toddler will soon learn to sleep through the baby, the set up with toddler one side and baby the other sounds good.

We did dad sleeping with toddler in big bed - toddler moves a huge amount so after a few trials it didn’t feel safe or comfy to have all in one bed. Also they woke each other and toddler used to be upset as I was cuddle curled around newborn - was actually heartbreaking! Just be prepared that toddler may want you more and do the transition so they don’t blame baby for it.

every family is different so you will figure out what works for you. The only thing I will say is that my husband also has a stressful job the stereotypical one where people say oh well they absolutely do need sleep…. But he manages to do the toddler wake ups! I don’t think it’s a get out of jail card, it’s a we need to figure out how to maximise sleep for everyone!

Thanks so much for the replies so far!

@hedgehoggle how old was your DS when he moved into the spare room?
Was this while you were pregnant still or when the baby arrived?

@Priggishsausagebore thats reassuring to hear!!

@Psychologymam is Dad still in with toddler or how long did he have to stay in with him, till your toddler was ok on their own?

we are plannkng to have baby in next to me, me, toddler in the middle then dad (super king bed)

it helps though that toddler sleeps in her own toddler bed for naps and goes down for the first bit of the night in her own bed- so it isn’t constant

we are going to transition toddler to the bigger (now guest room) with a double bed so someone can settle and potentially sleep with her if the family bed and side car cot doesn’t work for any reason

So I can’t remember when this happened but dad stays in his bed now and he comes in (he still does this every night and he’s 4 but it could be 4-5 in the morning). It wasn’t a big issue - we just said it would be more comfy in bigger bed and he could run in whenever he wanted so he didn’t mind this at all. Best of luck with it - it’s a busy time!

I co-slept with my toddler and newborn. I was in the middle of the bed with toddler and newborn on either side of me. I found that in the early stages you're very tuned in to your baby and once she starts crying you'll jerk awake immediately quickly pop her onto your breast. I don't think my toddler was woken up regularly by us.

DH moved out to the kid's room where he could get uninterrupted sleep.

I really enjoyed co sleeping!

@honeytoasttea sounds like a good plan! Do you mind me asking how old your toddler is now and how old they’ll be when the baby is born?

Thank you @Psychologymam !

@Appleblum we’re the same, we really enjoy co-sleeping!
How did you find changing the newborn’s nappy in the night? Did that wake your toddler at all?

@i83 Hi, sorry for the slow/no reply! He was about 2-just 3 I think, but originally he would wake once in the night and end up sleeping in bed with him. I just LOVE the cuddles too much! Then when I was pregnant I started phasing in my husband going in instead of me.

No jealousy about the baby sleeping with me when the baby was born, but DS is 3.5y old so I think that helped. Plus he hogs the big bed in the spare room now which I think he quite enjoys!