Keeping this kid in bed?!

[Redfin17]

Ok so it's the age old story - we (reluctantly) moved DD2 - so far a great sleeper - from cot to bed (well, took the side off the cotbed) 3 months ago at age 2.5 after she started climbing out of the cot and it became dangerous. Childproofed her room and made sure there was nothing too fun/stimulating in there to distract her.

We knew she wasn’t ready to understand that 'imaginary' boundary once the cot side was gone, but had no choice. We expected some resistance to staying in bed from day one, and we got it - have consistently applied the '100 walks' method (I think some ppl call this the supernanny ‘back to bed’ method) for this, but three months on she still won’t stay in bed and it can take 1.5- 2 hours to get her down.

We have a consistent bedtime routine, and blackouts on the window. We shut the door when we put her to bed (always have) so it’s properly dark. She self settles and sleeps through once she finally stops getting up. At 2y and almost 9mo, her nap is in the process of dropping - we don't put her down for one at home and cap it at 20 mins if she drops off in the car. The Childminder (who has her 3 days a week) will sometimes let her sleep ~40 mins if she seems tired: I don't love this but tbh have to admit it doesn't seem to make much difference to bedtime either way.

This is driving me nuts - anyone got any ideas? Or just stories of survival!!!

Bed guard for a more physical boundary?

Later bed time for a week or so, so she's really tired and you can do bedtime quickly? Then bring it forward 15 mins every day.

Have you tried sitting with her to get her to sleep? Fully understand that yiu don't want to do that for 2 hours, but she might settle quicker if she knows someone is directly watching her and feel safe.

Thanks all! She has a bed guard, and i have been trying sitting with her this week - she just wants to sit up and talk to me and it all takes even longer! Time of bedtime so far seems to make no difference - we've tried any tim 6- about 7:15. She is up 6:15 most days so its not too much night sleep. I am at a loss!

Leave her to it?

Just shut the door and let her do what she wants in her room and she can fall asleep when she's ready.

I'd go with this.

Stairgate on the door, a few quiet toys she can play with or books to look at and leave her to it. Also I’d tell the childminder not to let her nap, she’s peak age to drop it and it’s very typical that it starts to mess up bedtime- we did the cot -> bed transition much earlier but still had the same issue when the nap needed to go. Finally, 11 hours at night is about average for this age so if awake time is 6.15pm I wouldn’t attempt to put her to bed before 7pm even without the nap.

At this age stay with her, but only if it's not for a ridiculous amount of time. This is what I did with mine - to begin with took about 15 minutes until they were asleep but then when they got used to it I would leave when they were in bed and sleepy rather than sleeping

Do you not have any gaffa tape???

gentle return to bed nonsense for a couple of nights, daytime nicely nice chat about staying in bed & having more energy to play the next day, the fun things we'd do. Then a call up the stairs for a few nights ' go back to bed sweetheart. I'll be up in a few minutes, then after a few more nights, bellow up the stairs 'BED'. Combined with chats about. Big Girl Fairy Bed (which she loved) or going back to the Baby Cot. All done in less than a week.

Believe me i'd happily leave her to pass out on the floor while playing but she's not faffing in her room - we shut the door and she gets out and opens it.. on repeat for 1-2 hours. So shutting the door does nothing. If i stay with her silently lying/sitting beside her she'll stay in the room but it's at least 45 mins of her trying to talk to me and getting out to badger me if i don't answer. If we go downstairs and leave her to it she goes into our room and will be jumping on our bed, falling off and hurting herself, or - if DD1 falls asleep during all this, let herself into her big sister's room and wake her. Beginning to think stair gate on the door might be the only way - have avoided to date bc (apart from not really liking the idea of locking her in!) i would also imagine that means the door won't shut so she'll be able to see lights from other rooms/ hear big sister going to bed and be even more wound up ... she is honestly impossible!

I went with a stair gate when my DD was at that stage. Still shut the door but she couldn’t get out

https://www.argos.co.uk/product/7167922?clickSR=slp:term:babydan%20gate:4:42:1
In case this helps-
I bought this gate and attached it to the outside of the doorframe so I can completely shut the door.

We had a stairgate across the door for a while. Didn't need it for long once our little one got used to falling asleep in bed alone. Worth a try!

This looks fab as it might work at the top of our stairs. Thanks for the link!

I’m no expert but my guess is she just isn’t tired enough, hence why it’s taking 1-2 hours on her own and 45 mins with you.
im in a lot of sleep groups and 6-7pm seems to be too early for a lot of toddlers
maybe try 8pm and see what happens

my son did 9pm today but he did have an hour nap: he will be 3 in November. As he still naps we don’t dream of getting him to bed before 8/8.30, and he usually sleeps until 7.30

Aww. This is what I do when my son comes through to me every night:
I pick him up, bring him into bed with me, we cuddle and he falls straight to sleep. Then I do too!
Every single night...
They're just little once and they want comfort so I don't see the harm in it.

For initially going to bed I read to him until he falls asleep. That usually takes 10-20 mins. I could never leave the room, he just gets up and follows.

Definitely sounds like you need a later bedtime and then lay with her until she’s asleep.

Once I accepted that my little girl needed a later bedtime it made evenings a lot less stressful.

Not quite the same, but my toddler was getting up repeatedly during the night and coming into our room and a reward chart worked wonders.

We had one where he could put stars in. He understood that if he didn’t get up and come to us at all, he would get 3 stars. If he was only up once, he would get 2 and anything else he would only get 1 star. There were about 15 stars in total and then once it was full he was allowed to pick a toy from a little box of treats I had.

We started with only getting one or two stars for the first week or so, but then it got a lot better quickly until we didn’t need it anymore and he just stays in bed.

Could you try something similar?

Hold the door handle until she settles.

She’ll stop trying pretty quickly once she realises it’s pointless and then that way you’re not actually locking her in.

Why would you want your child to think you had locked them in their room? They will probably learn to stop trying but that wont necessarily be a good thing!

My point was that you’re not locking them in as apposed to using a stair gate.

@LuckyMumofTwo I have thought about this but cant really work out when we would give a sticker - when did you give it, and how old was your LO? I tried telling mine she could have a sticker in the morning if she stayed in her bed, but she just got super upset bc she couldn't understand not getting it right now - i think maybe she doesn't yet have that maturity to understand a reward or consequence is related to a behaviour unless it is immediate!

@Hungrycaterpillarsmummy @Atthe i know so many ppl who do this and am not by any means averse, but unfortunately my experience has been that BOTH my kids just take me lying with them as an invite to chat/play and then wont even entertain sleeping, and then kick off when i eventually have to give up and leave their room. It also doesn't work if it’s their Dad putting them to bed - if someone is going to lie down with them, they’ll both just scream and insist it is me. Different story if they come in to us at night, when they'll just climb in and drop off, but at bedtime it just doesnt work for them at all! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Our first born definitely only wanted me but when I was pregnant then subsequently gave birth I couldn't be there for his bedtime every night and he just had to suck it up. It took a week or so but he now is fine interchanging between me and DH.
Also yes, my son will talk and talk if I let him but I tell him that's the end of the conversation and it's sleep time now and if he talks again I just close my eyes and ignore him I til he stops and settles down. Then I'll stroke his head or whatever