Leaving my toddler overnight

30 replies

SilentRefluxAdvicePlease · 23/07/2024 21:45

In eight weeks’ time I plan to stay away from home overnight, for one night, for the first time since my toddler was born. She is breastfed and wakes 2 to 3 times overnight to feed. She becomes very upset if I try to refuse and will not usually take milk or water from a cup in the night. She was also a bottle refuser. I am very apprehensive about leaving her overnight at all and have considered not doing so. My husband will be with her and this will be a kind of ‘trial’ for a wedding we have been invited to attend the following month, when my parents will look after her overnight. Does anyone have any tips for how my husband and parents can soothe her if (when!) she wakes in the night and I am not there? Thanks so much in advance.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Galoop · 24/07/2024 19:40

Ayeyourebeingadick · 24/07/2024 09:36

Can you evidence that night waking for a toddler (and in this case an infant) isn’t good for their development? A quick feed a couple of times a night could be better for them than as the OP describes, a long night of upset and distress. And again, they don’t WANT to night wean.

https://parentingscience.com/night-wakings/
Night wakings are entirely, biologically normal. It’s such a shame people scare parents into thinking something is wrong and they’ll ’damaged their child when it’s absolutely normal. Parenting is hard enough, let’s support families to do what’s right for them.

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OP and others can do whatever they want, but it's also good for people to be aware of other information too. That's how we learn, instead of being unnecessarily defensive. Personally I welcome other points of view when it comes to my parenting. Also, I thought we were talking about a toddler, for an infant of course this is different and 'normal'.

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 24/07/2024 19:46

No need to wean.

But you do need a few nights where DH feeds her through the night with a bottle of expressed milk.

And he needs to do this in a different room from you.

Bonus - you get some extra nights of sleep.

Rowen32 · 24/07/2024 21:21

Ayeyourebeingadick · 23/07/2024 23:10

Oh FFS, the answer is always to tell a woman to stop feeding her child instead of supporting her to continue.

OP, if you want to continue feeding your little one - it’s totally possible. I left my first child 3/4 times between age 1-2 while still feeding throughout day and night, I genuinely didn’t believe people who said ‘they were fine without me’ but truly they were, I pumped while away and we picked up the next morning, it was like they knew I wasn’t in the house and settled fine for my husband.

It’s super overwhelming, but it’s totally doable and there’s only one way to find out! It’s 1 night and your baby will be safe/loved with their dad.

I'm speaking from experience, in my case what you're suggesting led to hysterics and what I ended up doing led to calm - we can all share what's worked for us

Rowen32 · 24/07/2024 21:22

Ayeyourebeingadick · 23/07/2024 23:42

You’d almost think the OP asked how do I wean my child? Is it any wonder BF rates are so low.

If you’re happy to continue and it works for your family, continue. Listen to the responses on the question you actually asked.

I answered the question asked, I speak from experience

Galoop · 24/07/2024 23:57

And just to add waking 2/3 nights isn't sustainable long term for most (judging by so many posts here when it goes on for years and years), so I was coming from a place of concern and help. Not giving OP a hard time at all.

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