Newborn co-parenting

[Sarmhdkr]

I have a one week old (first baby). I understand that I am very lucky as my husband is super helpful with her. However, he has come up with an arrangement (which I did initially agree to) whereby we split the nighttime duties so each can get some rest. I stay in the bedroom and him in the spare room and we switch at each feed. This sounded like a good plan but I feel more and more as though he is in control of everything and I’m not that much use. It’s not a long term solution as we will have to get a more stable routine as she gets older. I don’t like going to bed and leaving her in another room (not because I don’t trust him but I do worry ). They’re just in the next room with the doors open but it feels wrong. Yesterday I didn’t wake for my 4.30 alarm so he just kept her all night so I could sleep. I know he is trying to be helpful but I was upset when I woke up and realised I had missed her feed and it made me feel like I had failed her.
Another night I accidentally gave her the wrong bottle, we’re not yet succeeding with breastfeeding and I generally just seem to make mistakes because he has been doing so much more than me.
It just makes me feel like I’m not a good mother to her but I’m scared to talk to him about it as I know he’s trying to help me. I feel okay during the day but when bedtime comes around I feel really inadequate and almost as though it’s a worry that this will affect my bond with her. How do I approach this?

Oh sweetheart, it sounds very normal that you want to be close to your baby throughout the night. You are postpartum and it’s really important in the early stages that you and baby stay close - it’s instinct! You are not a bad mother, you are tired and exhausted from birth and it can be distressing not having your baby close.
If you are wanting to breastfeed (if you are not, ignore this) it’s important you are close in the early hours of the morning as her latching at night will help your milk to come in properly. Prolactin peaks between 2-5am so if you are feeding your baby then it will help production.
If it’s making you upset I would really try and talk to your husband about it. Find a time in the day when you’re both as relaxed as you can be and try and talk through what’s concerning you. Do you have an idea of what might work better? Can you take more control of the night and DH help from 6am onwards so you can go back and get some sleep? Have a think about what might work better for you and chat. Tell him you are grateful but you want (need) to be close to your LO. The first few weeks are so tough, good luck x