3 week old doesn’t sleep

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She barely sleeps, I’m worried it can’t be good for her?
During the day she is up almost constantly, We get out for a walk everyday and we try tummy time or just singing and talking to her but if she’s not eating she just seems tired and frustrated.
She may do a contact nap for 2 hours if we’re lucky but she doesn’t want to be put down at all.
I have blinds open and lots of light during the day and then we do a nappy and clothes change, dim the lights and try to be calmer for bed time. From around 9pm she will then sleep for an hour in the next to me, wake up to feed, sleep for an hour and wake up to feed until the morning, it probably totals around 7 hours sleep overnight. I don’t really want to make the house dark and silent during the day just so she’ll sleep, and I was told this is bad for her, I have obviously tried it though and it’s still hit and miss if she’ll sleep or not.

She does seem to be hungry all the time but midwives not worried about her, she’s gaining plenty of weight, nappies are normal, she’s been like this since day one.

Any advice or hope at all?

At 3 weeks they dont have a circadian rhythm so the light/dark shouldnt impact her ability to sleep.

Is she doing the contact naps during the day in daylight?

Have you got a sling? Will she nap in it?

It's totally normal for babies to want to be held all the time especially under 3 months

She cries in the sling, it seems like she feels restricted and she doesn’t like that. She doesn’t seem to like anything for too long, if I put her down she’s ok for 5 minutes then she cries, so I pick her up and she is happy for 5 minutes, then she seems annoyed at being held, so I walk around or bounce her, and she’s happy for 5 minutes, and then she hates that too.
She is happy eating, and sometimes she is happy if she can fall asleep on me after eating. But I can’t eat, sleep or go to the bathroom if I’m holding her pretty much 24/7 though, which is the current situation. My dh can hold her for a bit, but she eats so often that he can’t take her for very long because she is crying for me to feed her, and he’s at work during the day anyway.

and yeah contact naps are in the day light

I just feel so tired and like I’m not recovering from the birth because I can’t sleep or eat properly or look after myself at all, and it’s impacting my ability to look after her as well as I want to. Obviously I’m covering the basics like feeding and changing etc, but I want to be able to do more for her.

This doesn’t sound like unusual sleep for a 3 week old I’m afraid, especially only wanting to sleep on you. Are you breastfeeding? If she’s falling asleep while feeding this still counts as sleep. Wanting to be just on you and breastfeeding round the clock is what I’d expect at this age. I’d have a look at safe bedsharing, you’ll likely get more sleep this way especially if you can learn to feed lying down on your side.

I empathise deeply with you.
She is really really tiny; at 3 weeks they don't even realise they've come into the outside world yet so daylight, peace and quiet in the house etc has very little impact. They also can't really be comforted by anything other than your presence, physical touch and food. It's such a hard period and I struggled with it massively. Being hungry all the time sounds normal; though it's exhausting for you.
My baby also had very low sleep needs and that stayed the same until she was maybe 8 months old, though of course she settled into a rhythm long before that. I really promise you it does get better and it will change. It's all a phase, though that never actually makes surviving the phase better.

You can eat, go to the bathroom etc. you just have to be happy to pop her down whilst you do those things and whilst she might grumble, it's just realistic that you can't hold her 24/7 esp if she doesn't like the sling. Bouncer seat for when you need the loo/shower/food are good. We had a little portable moses basket we moved around with us for when we had to use our hands. Sometimes they just grizzle whatever you do, it could be so many things. Them learning how to use their voice, gas, other discomforts, growing pains etc. it's definitely not a reflection of how much you are and aren't doing for her.
It sounds like you are doing an incredible job and are doing as much for her as you possibly can and she is lucky to have you.

You have my up most empathy because these early days are tough! But it sounds completely normal, you’ve got to do what you need to do to survive. I used to push my newborn around the house in his pram so I could make some food or a cuppa, I had a baby chair upstairs that I’d move around or take into the bathroom so I could shower. Failing that babs had to get put in his cot for a few minutes while I done what I needed to do. Sending solidarity to you and lots of good sleep vibes.

Thank you everyone for your kind words
I just feel so bad when i put her down and she cries it makes me cry too. I feel like I’m being selfish leaving her upset or hungry or uncomfortable, just so I can have a snack or something. I know it’s not reasonable to think I can stop her crying all the time but that doesn’t help in the moment

You are no good to her starving or crossing your legs because you’re so uncomfortable needing a wee. Your needs matter too and she can wait a few minutes, even if she’s crying.

Sounds very normal to me, don't worry. I barely left the sofa at that point unless it was for a wee or a shower. Cluster feeding, lots of short naps, wanting to be held a lot. They've been inside you for 9 months so realistically all they want is milk and the comfort of your warmth, heartbeat and smell. You can't spoil a tiny baby with too many cuddles at that age, they don't even realise they're a separate person to their mum yet.

Hopefully you have a supportive partner but just do what you can at this stage. I found grazing easier, picking at bits like a sandwich, hummus, crisps etc and lots of fluids from my spot on the sofa. It felt like weeks of feeding, cuddles and just recovering with a few dog walks thrown in there. I'm sure you're doing a great job, baby will find their rhythm eventually.

We’re biologically programmed to feel distressed when our baby is crying so we respond to them quickly, it’s such a visceral response I don’t think most mums are prepared for until it happens.
I generally did just hold my babies, sleep with them, feed them all the time, but also you need to be able to eat, shower, go for a wee! Letting them cry for the length of a wee/shower won’t hurt them I promise. But outsource as much as you can and settle into the sofa with chocolate and a good show, as you say you’re recovering! If you have a partner leave the cooking and housework to them. All you need to think about is you and the baby

It's normal and it does get better. A 3 week old doesn't need tummy time and won't recognise day / night yet.

Thanks my HV said I should be doing tummy time. I wasn’t then (8 days) and she told me off

Thank you everyone
your comments really mean a lot to me

Have you read up on the fourth trimester? It’s totally normal for your tiny baby to want to be held.

Yes, I’m aware. But I need to sleep myself and i didn’t think it was totally normal for her to barely sleep at all. For example she’s been awake for 4 hours straight now, everything I was told suggested shorter wake windows.

When they are overtired, it can be incredibly difficult to get them to sleep. It's easy to fall into a cycle of overtired = doesn't sleep = doesn't sleep for very long.

It will pass but it is difficult and of course you need to sleep yourself. Do whatever you can to make that possible.