Help! Son is so hard to get to sleep

[PixieBoom]

I desperately need help 😫 my 22 month old son takes 1 hr/1.5hrs to get to sleep every night. I realise to some this is good but he has to have hold of my hair the whole time, he climbs all over me, and I'm so touched out and so sick of having this battle every single night.

For context, we have a single bed in his room with a cot. We give him his milk, read his book etc on the single bed and that's where he falls asleep, then we transfer to the cot. At some point in the night he will come into bed with me, and he stays until the morning as he's up between 4:30-5:30. He will not fall asleep in the cot, if we put him in there he will scream until he's sick.

My partner does try to settle him himself but sometimes he will scream until he's sick because he wants my hair.

I realise I've probably made a rod for my own back but any advice would be greatly appreciated 🙏🏻 xx

What's your daily schedule?

Sounds like u need to get into a decent routine. If u bath at night swap to morning baths, and move bedtime to when he is actually tired. Stop the letting him climb all over u bedtime is bedtime.

How much is he napping during the day?

We have breakfast at 6, then will go out in the morning, lunch at 11/11:30 then nap 12/12:30 depending what time he was up. He usually has 1.5-2hrs. Then dinner at 6, bath at 6:15, book, milk, bed x

He has 1.5-2 hrs x

How and where does he nap? Routine?
Do you have the same problem getting him to sleep then?

To me it sounds he needs longer wake window after he wakes up from his nap. At that age my DD needed around 6h.

My DD is now 26 months and needs 7-8h. If I take her to bedroom too early we spend 1-2h awake so no point.

We have similar problems with our DD so I really sympathise OP, and I can’t suggest any magic solution.
How long has the hair thing been going on? Do you think it’s feasible to transfer his allegiance to some other kind of comforter (that isn’t part of your body!)? I only ask as my DD really likes touching my hair at bedtime, sticking her hand in my mouth (despite my attempts at stopping this), or chewing my fingers, but then recently I offered her a pyjama top of mine to chew on and that seemed to work a bit. Then when she woke in the night she was asking for ‘mummy pyjamas’ so she clearly did get some comfort from them.
I would also echo PPs re wake windows. My DD needs at least 7.5 hours now.

Recently went through same issue with my son. I found he needed more activity/to be tired out more in the afternoon. He used to spend too much time in the pram on school runs etc and I got him to walk everywhere and be started falling to sleep straight away. We have a similar routine to yours.

Get the Ferber sleep training book.

I think you need to get him in the cot whilst he's awake, so he learns to fall asleep there. Can you try and replace your hair with a teddy or blanket? More activity in the day? And look at Ferber method to.

I would restrict his nap to 40 minutes and shift back bedtime half an hour.

Some DC don't need as much sleep as others and some completely outgrow needing daily naps by 2!

I wouldn't worry too much about trying to change the way he falls asleep at this age (despite what some people suggest it is quite normal for children to need to have a parent close to feel safe enough to fall asleep) but it just sounds like he's not tired enough of enough - as others have suggested just shorten the nap or do bedtime later and see if that helps (you'll probably have to do it for a few days before you might see a difference).