8 month old will not accept any reassurance. Only sleeps in arms.

[CyanZebra]

Our child is 8 months. We have tried pick up put down for over a month but there has been no progress. He rolls on to his back and cries - it is not possible to reassure him. Rubbing him, patting him, shushing him, he cries then screams. He will ONLY sleep in our arms. He will ONLY stop crying in our arms.

Sometimes, once he is asleep, we can put him down. But only for the rest of the sleep cycle. Then he will roll on his back and cry, it will be about 30 minutes. Pick him up to reassure him, then what? Put him down and he will cry, hold him and he will sleep. Put him down asleep and he will wake up and cry. Then nothing will reassure him until he is picked up. It's an impossible loop and doesn't get us anywhere at all.

I just have no idea what to do. People online complain saying their baby wouldn't do more than 2 hours. 2 hours?! I wish!

Have you been in this situation? What did you do for a baby who wouldn't accept any reassurance? Is it time to give in and cry it out? I could "cry it out" in the cot when he wakes while offering reassurance - even though he clearly doesn't find it reassuring?

I feel like nobody else has ever been through this. Nobody online talks like they have experienced it, it's all "oh I only got 90 minutes sleep at a time". I would LOVE to get 90mins sleep. Try 30mins and 1-4hrs total a night! There must be somebody else who has been in a situation this bad?

All babies are going to be different, and all parents are going to have different views on what they feel comfortable with. It sounds like he hasn’t learnt to settle himself with sleep cycles . Cry it out doesn’t have to be brutal

Co sleep?

Oh bless you that sounds incredibly rough. I know you've probably tried everything (and I'm no expert), but just in case - as I know trying to think while sleep deprived is hard in itself - is there anything you can do to help him feel comfier after being put down? Your arms are warm and cosy - is his bed too cold in comparison? Are his clothes, nappy and (guessing this is what you use?) sleepsack comfy and keeping him the right temperature? Is there anything background noise or lighting wise that might want tweaking, or cot space. My LO is generally sleeping much better now she's in a big cot in her own room, but not always. I breastfeed her to sleep then put her down on her back in the cot, bum first then gently lowering her head down, shushing and with a hand on her tummy and a hand stroking her hair if needed. I have the baby monitor so I know as soon as she stirs and can be back shushing her if she's only half awake - or pick her up for another cuddle and feed if needed. The last couple of nights at bedtime we've had two or three cycles of feed, put down, wakes 30 mins later, repeat (with a bedtime story after the first wake when she's not as starving haha). But then she does sleep for longer on about try 3 (touch wood).

Other things can be naps, when they are and how long, solid food, when he's having that in relation to bedtime, bath time, bed time, bed time routine... There are so many variables it can feel impossible trying to get all your ducks in a row for that good night's sleep, and even when you think you've cracked it they can still keep waking! Babies are all different and of course struggle to let us know what the problem is, if they even know themselves.

Hope you are able to find ways of getting some sleep yourself - shifts with your partner if possible - as everything is so much harder when you're exhausted yourself. Radiating that sense of calm and safety and peace for them to stay sleeping is so hard when you're so desperate for some shut eye yourself.

Much love and sympathy, hope things improve for you soon!