Is her bad sleep due to naps, separation anxiety or regression? HELP!

[Mummaneedswine]

I need some advice as I am struggling with understanding what might be causing My 9 month old to be so difficult to get to sleep , it’s genuinely starting to make me depressed. I feel like the evenings suck every ounce of joy out of me and I need something to improve.

My 9 month old was a good sleeper until the 4 month regression. I feel like that regression never really ended but since she hit 8 months her sleep has become even worse. She takes so long to get down, cry's when I leave the room and if I stay unless I'm in touching distance. She seems restless when trying to fall asleep and is waking up constantly throughout the night and sitting up or standing and crying. I've tried being in the room but not interacting with her so she doesn't get inconsolable but even that takes around 45 mins for her to fall asleep on a good night and she's still not happy during it. The only thing I've noticed is if she's on my bed which is next to her cot she will be more content and roll around trying to get comfy. That's not a quick way to get her to sleep but she doesn't cry and seems to prefer that. But as soon as I put her back in the cot she's up and crying again.

I'm not sure anyone can help as I feel like everything is such a pickle, her naps are all over the place despite my best efforts and bedtime is a battle but anyway to give an insight her routine is as follows:

She wakes up at around 5-5:30am daily. Her first nap is at 9am (I have tried to get her down earlier but she won’t). Her naps vary so much but prior to this she used to sleep for around 1.5hrs I’m lucky to get 20-45 mins from her now. Her second nap is around 12 and again varys. Regardless she wants a large wake window so usually shows signs of being sleepy 5+ hours after her last nap. I've tried a consistent bedtime but because her naps are everywhere she's either overtired or under-tired. I'm lost on what to do.

My gut feeling is she overtired and her naps aren't in the right places but I've tried getting her to nap earlier and longer but she rarely manages it. Is there any tips anyone can give or insight what it could be the root cause.

I have looked for a sleep coach for advice but it's not affordable for me at the moment. I tried the smart sleep app from pampers and it didn't work 😔

She does sound overtired- and it sounds like you are her sleep association to get to sleep. Does she sleep all night for you once she is asleep? If so, then she'll definitely be waking up and self settling through the night so she can do it, it's just the initial nodding off bit which could well be associated with being overtired/too wired, and it'll be why it's hard for her to wind down. Do you have a calming bedtime routine?
I'm not an expert but I'd be tempted to do whatever it takes to maximise sleep for a week or so- stay in the room with her to fall asleep, hold her hand, try the most fail-safe ways of napping at a good time- drive or walk in the pram? At about 2 hours after wake up, then 3 hours after she wakes up from that nap go for another drive/walk, then 4 hours after she wakes up from that- bedtime routine and bed. Hopefully once she's more rested she'll settle easier and you can start to do a gradual retreat type thing where you go further and further from the cot every night. There is an 8 month regression too and that might not be helping matters 😬