30 months of hell

[9567REW]

I want to rant, I am also open to advice/guidance and sympathy.

I have a 2 ½ year old boy, he’s bright, funny little bit naughty. Essentially a normal 2 year old except I think we’re an outlier when it comes to sleep.
bathtime is 7pm (work/nursery/teatime) bedtime should be 7:30 but the routine is milk on mummy and daddy’s bed, then needing both of us around until he sleeps- which is getting later and later last night it was 9:30pm. We then transfer to cot and he wakes at 2am ish and husband brings him in to our bed, where he gets more milk and often sleeps. Up at 6 for work wake baby up at 6:45 nursery and done (1 hr nap at nursery)

Me and my husband both work full time, 40 hours a week, me slightly more with a couple of late finishes midnight/2am not unheard of. We did split parental leave 6 months 6 months. He did the second 6 and I was away from home a lot which is where the co sleeping crept in.

we tried to sleep train aged 13months- he out screamed us by hours for 11 days, I didn’t really have buy in from husband on the cry it out though, I think he felt I was being unkind when he was crying for mummy.
I got him into the cot and then to sleep holding my hand. But then the current situation crept in.

it is breaking us, we get no time as a couple at all, we’re perpetually sleep
deprived and grumpy. I am worried that child is not getting enough sleep to develop and that he’s too old now to sleep train, and as a colleague of mine pointed out I worry that I’m damaging him but not teaching him to sleep.

I guess I just want some idea that no it’s not normal and won’t magically get better without some action (husband’s hope). If anyone has any ideas how to fix this I would be grateful.

He's 2.5 drop the daytime naps.

You don't have an outlier, DD was over 3 before she slept through. But I do agree you need to drop the nap. If he's going to bed that late then he doesn't need it.

The waking in the middle of the night is the last thing to tackle. Drop the nap first and sort out bedtime. At 2 1/2 you could consider putting him in a bed rather then the cot (we had to move DS out of the cot at 18months as he could climb out of it in his grow bag believe it or not so decided a low bed was safer). But if he's safe in his cot it maybe better too still keep him there to start with, he needs a night time clock (one that shows when it's sleep time and when it's wake time) and some bedtime music along with I assume you do a bedtime story. Then you do the sleep traning again, yes we did a lot of hand holding to, it should be easier now he's a bit older.

To be honest we sleep trained DD, but with DS I didn't bother and by 2 1/2 he was going to bed with DD in their bedroom together. But I think it helped he was sharing with his sister. Lullaby bedtime music helped and DD fell asleep to that for years.

Agree with those above. Unfortunately you may have one of those that grows out of the nap a bit early . . . .

2.5 is not early for outgrowing needing a nap it's pretty much the typical age.

Thanks everyone, we’ll drop the nap maybe put him into a proper bed and see how that goes.

fingers and toes crossed

It's interesting that he does his bedtime routine in your bed and then you transfer him. From his point of view he goes to sleep in your cosy bed with you guys and then wakes up all alone!

I would definitely start with his bedtime routine in his room with him then the gradual retreat method so he is less dependent on you to be in close contact with him to get to sleep.

If you have room it could be worth considering getting a double bed. Both of mine were in doubles due to circumstances (moved from cot into spare room) and it really helped as we were able to settle them in their bed comfortably and if they woke in the middle of the night one of us would go into their bed to settle them (sometimes sleeping through sometimes just a hug was needed). It meant that if they did wake and one of us had to sleep with them then at least we got an ok amount of sleep in comfort.