10 month old screaming at bedtime

[bk1981]

DD is just ten months. Bar brief spells of her being able to settle herself to sleep she has always been fed/rocked/cuddled to sleep. This was never much of a problem as bar growth spurts/odd phase etc she slept through the night and had decent naps.

For the last few weeks she has been really hard to settle at bedtime. If I try to cuddle or rock her, she'll snuggle in initially but then kick me away and get annoyed. If I put her in her cot then she's instantly hysterical. Patting, shushing, singing etc doesn't soothe her. Picking her up again soothes her untill she gets annoyed and kicks me away and the cycle begins again. At it's worst, she's screamed for two and a half hours before eventually passing out in my arms.

This week, we've switched to my partner settling her at bedtime as she falls asleep much quicker for him than me. He does a pick up/put down style thing with her and she's generally asleep within half an hour although still very upset 😭. Some nights she sleeps through, others she wakes once (never at the same time) and I feed her to sleep.

For the first nap, I put her in her cot and walk out of the room. She cries for less than a minute and then goes to sleep no bother. Nap two she either feeds to sleep or is cuddled to sleep with no crying or pushing me away. Sometimes this doesn't work and she'll cry for maybe ten minutes before falling asleep by herself.

I have no idea what's going on at bedtime but I can't stand seeing her so upset and feeling like I have no way of comforting her. She definitely has separation anxiety and is teething but giving Calpol/neurofen doesn't make any difference. Does anyone have experience of similar/words of wisdom?

I did find 10 months there being a period of unsettledness at bed time and separation anxiety but it passed as quickly as it came.

I'm no expert but we had an excellent nursery nurse who helped us with sleep who told us to stick to one method to settle them at night and for everyone to use that same method (we used a hand on chest and shushing which worked for us.). You seem to be using different method for settling to sleep for naps/sleep each time and I wonder if that is causing confusion for your baby. It may be now as well that when the baby is upset (and of course you should always comfort them!) that all the additional singing, picking up, rocking and patting is also causing additional stimulation if they are tired. I'd agree one method with your partner for comfort/settling and stick with it for a week to see if it helps.

It feels more like DD is picking the method rather than us at the moment 😂 but I know what you mean. I haven't tried just leaving her in the cot at bedtime as she gets so upset and I don't know how long she would cry for. I hope it passes soon 🤞

When ours cried in the cot, we would go in and put our hand on his chest and shush. We wanted to make sure he knew we were there and he wasn't left alone but also to help him to get to sleep. It is very difficult when they cry and its right to be responsive. Hope it settles for you!