help with sleeping

[rascal1979]

Before LO was born I was adament that she would be in her own crib and (stupidly) thought that after a feed she could be winded and go to sleep. HA!

She is now 16 weeks (was 9 weeks prem so 7 weeks corrected age) and is cluster feeding from 4pm/5pm til 10pm then sleeps til 11 or 12pm feeds then sometimes goes in her crib and sleeps til 2am or 3am (but could be just til 1am and doesn't always settle in her crib so ends up in with me) when she wakes for a feed Then there is little chance of her going back in her cribs because she

1. Cries and cries and cries
2. is sick everywhere - is a sickly baby

The easiest thing to do particularly in my sleep deprived state is to let her fall asleep on my chest in bed with a blanket over her.

However I'm not sleeping cos I'm worried about SIDS - she is still under 6lb so really tiny to have in bed with me.

I know I can't do the crying out method yet and TBH don't think I ever will be able to...and cos she is sick so much putting her down in the middle of the night often means changing her and the sheets loads ( ie 3 times in 20 min the other night)

Am I being a bad mum? Am I making a massive rod for myself?

People have told me that you can't 'spoil a baby' until it is 6mths old but she seems to be getting used to going to sleep on/with me and I'm sooo knackered.

If I'm not 'spoiling her' how do I cope wioth this lack of sleep?

Bit ramble-y sorry! but please help me

They don't read the manual do they?
Someone more knowledgeable with proper links will be along in a minute, I suspect for fwiw:

• co-sleeping, if done 'properly' is not, as too risky, as I understand it. Things to watch out for are:
• overheating - your lo should never get under your duvet
• check there are no gaps your lo could roll into (eg at edge of mattress)
• I THINK the latest guidelines suggest sleeping with you between baby & partner - esp if you're bf you are likely to be very sensitive to her position/movement.
• avoid drinking or drugs, which can greatly increase the risks (you & partner)

At 7 weeks gestational age, you really can't spoil her, imho. Just do what makes your lives easier. Fwiw, I did 'never-in-our-bed' with ds, and co-slept with dd - of the two, dd was & is a better sleeper.

Sicky stuff - have you tried sleeping her on a towel/layer of muslin, so you can just scoop that into the wash rather than the sheets?

And coping with the tiredness? DO, do DO sleep when she does - don't tidy up, cook, ring your mum - go straight to sleep . It WILL get easier!

HTH

PS If the more knowledgeable people don't come along - try starting a post with co-sleeping/prem babies in the title

Oh, and crying down - there's a whole world of discussion on that one (I'm in your camp), but I suspect even the most pro would say 7 weeks is very early to think about it.

PPS, sorry - you might also want to think about reflux (very sicky baby & not settling to sleep on back. Does she settle better/sick less when more upright (eg carseats, when held?)

Thanks Mybestfriend hopefully some others will have some ideas soon!

She's actually just gone down to sleep - after falling asleep on me - in her crib - been down for about 20 min - which is unheard of at this time of night......

When we co-sleep she is either on my chest or beside me BFing. Sheis always under just her blanket not the duvet.

She has muslin cloths under her head in the crib or in our bed so yes just change these but oftnen is sick on herself so needs a change of clothes too, whichin itself leads to more sick more often than not!

If I'm honest the sickliness is really gettingme down but the GP, HV, Paediatrician says it's normal for a prem baby and to give her gaviscon only of we need to but this means using a bottle whichI really don't want to do even for 1 feed a day....

rascal, it's just so damn hard at the beginning isn't it? Poor you.
I am no expert but wanted to bump
Put a LARGE towel around the matress so that if she is sick then you can just whip the towel off and don't need to change the sheet
do make sure ytou rest when you can.
love to you and hope you have a good night

bumping for you

5 don't want to sound harsh, but basically she's a tiny baby and she needs lots of milk and lots of contact with you. Why don't you just have her in bed with you? She's far safer in with you (unless you smoke or drink or do drugs) Don't even think about spoiling her - how can you spoil someone who doesn't even realize she's not part of you yet? Cuddle her up and sleep together. Put a folded cot sheet under her so if she's sick you can just change that not the whole bed - and remember, this is just a tiny piece of your life. This too will pass.

Seeker - don't get me wrong I am NOT complaining - I realise that sheis a tiny baby. BUT recommendations for prem babies weighing under 2.5kg at birth (she is just that at 16wks) is not to co-sleep - although I can't find out why and no health prof will say that co-sleeping okay.

However I am knackered and feeling down and so want to do the right thing by my aby

I'm sorry - I didn't meant to sound unsympathetic. The word "spoiled" pushed my buttons - but I've calmed down now.

Don't they recommend kangaroo care for premature babies? Could you put her in the middle of the bed and lie down beside her (banishing dp to the spare room for a while if absolutely necessary?) YOu need sleep - find the way that gets you as much as possible!

You can give gaviscon to bf babies. the easiest way to liquidfy the gaviscon is a bit of water and the powder in a small lidded container then shake hard! Syrine into mouth cheek, voila. Nurofen sell their medicines with syringes that don't have pointy ends so a I feel a bit safer than the normal ones.

rascal - I hope you know how FANTASTICALLY you are doing to be feeding a prem baby like your dd! There are so many obstacles in the early days - give yourself a huge hug.

Some thoughts - if we call her 7 weeks old her behaviour is fairly normal for a baby that age - so hang in there.

Do you think reflux may be a possibility - the stomach acid coming back mixed in with the milk can "burn" the bottom of her oesophagus and make her very irritable and tearful when she vomits. Ask the GP about gaviscon? Perhaps raise the head of her moses basket a little?

Don't worry about not being able to leave her to cry - she's far too young to understand. For it to work a baby really needs to have a little idea of "cause and effect" and at her age that's expecting a lot!

I agree with your reservations about co-sleeping at her size - but she's growing and will be big enough soon. What about swaddling? Does she like that?

You need to catch up on your sleep during the day I'm afraid - gie yourself a week off doing anything else, don't get dressed for a week so you can drift back to sleep whenever you have the chance.

You really don't have to change her if she vomits on her clothes at night. It's disturbing for her to be jiggled around; she won't get a chill or anything. Just do the muslin thing for the sheets.

Keep going....you're doing great!

Hope you had a better night.

Of course - had forgotten the size restrictions for co-sleeping.

And I hadn't cottoned on that you're managing to bf - that's so brilliant - well done The good news is that when she is big enough to co-sleep, the two of you should have an easier time, if you still want to do it.

Humm, does anything (other than being on you) help her calm down? Could you sleep on a mattress/sleeping bag next to her so you could put her hand on her tummy over the crib (worked for ds) How does she sleep in the day?

Cargirl's gaviscon tip sounds well worth a go. DS was very sicky, & I agree - it is incredibly wearing.

Is she smiling yet? Sounds like an odd question, but I was amazed how much of a difference it made to my mood when both of mine started smiling - you suddenly get some 'give back' for all your hard work. I noticed it esp with ds who was slightly prem - you've just had so long of 'just giving'

Rascal. Poor you. Its so tiring. My DD (now 18 weeks) had awful reflux. We gave her gaviscon with syringe (she's BF) and it didn't help. But doctor prescribed renitidine and that made the world of difference. She's still very sicky, but sleeps now (well, a bit) and is not unhappy anymore. It really is worth seeing the doctor as it can be sorted easily.
secondly, I go with the others. if she's happy sleeping on you and you can bear it, then do it. She's so tiny, and it won't last. My understanding is that they love the feel/sound of your heartbeat and that SIDS is much less likely with that present. DD sleeps quite a lot in a hammock that someone lent us and that is brilliant. and she loved being really well swaddled which helped her to sleep better.She sucks her thumb now, so I don't do it, but she loved it to start with. Hang in there.