There’s so much talk about ‘sleeping through the night’ for babies, the kind of holy grail. However, am I correct in thinking that many babies will still wake for a feed or two, even if they’re sleeping 7pm - 7am for example? I had always assumed that ‘sleeping through’ meant no wake ups, but I’ve since heard differently and admit that I’m struggling to see how that is ‘sleeping through’.
The context for this is we’re wondering whether to implement some kind of sleep training, or at least some changes for our 18 week old. We think we’re in the 4-month regression, though so far it hasn’t been too awful.
LO will generally head up to bed around 9, and fall asleep between 9.30 and 10.30, depending on the night. Routine of nappy change, pyjamas, final (bottle) feed of expressed milk/formula. Bath some nights, around 8 - 8.30. Sometimes DD will fall asleep very quickly after the feed with very little input from us aside from holding; sometimes more rocking/shushing is needed. Generally we put down in the crib about 10 minutes after she is asleep.
In the last few weeks we’ve had some ‘false starts’ where we put DD down in the crib but she wone either immediately or very soon after. We have generally managed to resettle with some rocking etc. Some nights she’s needed A LOT of settling before even attempting to put her down - generally rocking & shushing - which we think is probably the 4-month regression. So recently it’s sometimes been more towards 11 that she’s actually asleep.
Then she generally wakes anytime between 3 and 4.30, feeds, and goes back to sleep. Sometimes it’s easier/quicker than others. Last night for example she was awake at 4.30 and asleep again at 5. Other nights, it can be 1 hour+ to feed & settle her. So she can sleep for up to 6 hours in one go, some nights more like 4-5.
Generally, she’s awake again between 7 and 7.30.
We’d like that she starts going to bed a bit earlier, so we have more of an evening. We generally go up to bed with her at the moment. We’d also like that she learns how to fall asleep herself, so it doesn’t need the rocking/shushing from us. And eventually of course we would like that she sleeps for longer & longer stretches at once.
I think she is learning to self settle to some extent: I’ve been hearing her in the night thrashing around, sometimes even letting out a little cry or two, but she seems to settle back down and presumably either go back to, or stay, asleep.
The sleep method my DH likes the look of is a kind of modified Ferber/TakingCaraBabies, putting her down awake & then checking in at intervals that gradually increase. It’s only for the initial put-down, and any wakes before midnight, after which it suggests feeding to sleep is ok.
My concerns are, if she starts going to bed much earlier, will she not also wake a few times for feeding? In which case, from my point of view, is the system we currently have, with essentially one wake up from a later bedtime, worth sticking with? I can cope at the moment with going to bed with her between 9-10.30, dealing with one wake up, then back to sleep until 7ish. But if she was waking at say 1am and then again at 5ish for a feed, is that better or worse for me…?
Or maybe we should be working to gradually bring bedtime a bit earlier, maybe 8pm, and allow her to hopefully lengthen her sleep stretches that way?
I’m also happy with her waking around 7/7.30, and have read that a common issue with sleep training is that it can result in very early wake ups, which I’d want to avoid if possible.
But, we do want to try help her fall asleep independently…! So confused by it all really.
It seems to me that sleep training and the ‘sleeping through the night’ idea doesn’t really mention wakes for feeding and managing those from the parental perspective. I’m sure some babies do sleep 7 - 7 without any wake ups, but I’m not sure whether our 4-month old is really ready for that physiologically.
Any advice or perspectives welcome. Sorry for the essay!