3.5 year old - 2 hours plus bedtime nightmare

[EllaWinstp]

We have a 3.5 years old daughter. Up until a couple of months ago she was the best sleeper. 7:30pm to 7am no dramas. She doesn't nap during the day and nothing has changed in our life / environment.

Bedtime is 7:30pm. We have a good routine. Dinner bath with the nanny then brushing teeth and stories with me or my husband. Now there is about 2 hours of drama ensuing. She won't stay in her bed, she won't be quiet . She won't play quietly or anything. She just opens the door and screams until we come (and we do come because she wakes her little sister up sleeping next door). We need to reach a breaking point of crazy rage and then she eventually falls asleep.

We tried everything. A gentle approach , a strict approach, staying with her until she falls asleep etc. Nothing works we are at our wits end. We both have big full on jobs and the sheer stress of it all, not to mention no time to ourselves is killing us.

Is it a phase? What else can we try. We are desperate

As you say she screams until you come, do you think it might be attention seeking and wants to spend more time with you?

Could you do the 'rinse and repeat' of going to her and just saying "time to sleep' whilst returning her to bed? No conversation other than that and just keep doing that each time she screams.

What is she screaming about once you go to her? Why is she still upset? Are you arguing/ shouting and escalating emotions? I would stay with her and then just sit, maybe sing to calm her, cuddles, a chat. She must be tired. Maybe extend her storytime and add in chat time about her day until 8pm and then sit with her in silence for a further 30 mins. Talk about with her before bed time, what she wants. If she stays in her room after you've left, she gets a star towards a treat.

You have had it easy with her by the sounds of things, so I think you can take a blip of bad sleeping and sacrifice a bit of your own time for that.

Nanny must know her well, what's her advice? Is your DD just pushing boundaries generally or is she really just wanting more time with you? If it's boundary pushing generally, how does nanny deal with it in the day?

@PrincessOfPreschool we tried the reward chart it doesn't work / she doesn't care

When we go in and say "time for bed" she just screams some more so yeah there is an element of escalating emotions for sure you're right.

She definitely is pushing boundaries with us but she is an absolute angel with her nanny and when Nanny puts her to bed because we are out she's fast asleep by 7:45pm...

It may be a cry for more time then as she's getting older. She might feel like teeth and stories isn't enough. I would either start your time with her earlier or go on later, depending on your schedule, and definitely build in some quiet play/ drawing or cuddle/ chat time not just teeth and stories. I think an hour and a half is a reasonable amount of time to have with a parent in the evening. You and dh can take it in turns so the other gets a night off.