6.5yo waking multiples times EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT

[BakedBeany]

Hey. Blended family. DSS is allowed into Mums bed whilst staying there (always has been and apparently will be allowed to continue for as long as he ‘needs’ it)

When staying here, we’re trying to sleep train and promote the beauty of sleep. Had numerous conversations about why sleep is important, made bedroom a really cool place etc. but he’s still waking multiple times every night and wandering in wanting to sleep in our bed. Not having nightmares, bed wetting etc. Just wakes up and can’t self settle.

It’s like I’m back to toddler years, when I sleep trained my DD. The whole family is affected, and it’s not healthy for DSS. He’s walking around with black bags under his eyes and totally hyper during the day. He literally can’t sit still.

Any thoughts/advice?

im firmly of the belief at 6.5, there should be no need to keep waking and come into parents beds multiple times every night. What’s going on here?

should also add, he shares a bedroom with his brother - who sleeps like a dream, but also woken with these night time antics.

Maybe he's been affected more than his brother by their parents splitting up? Sounds like he needs reassurance.

Stop trying to 'sleep train' a child who has two homes. You're just upsetting him and causing confusion.

im firmly of the belief at 6.5, there should be no need to keep waking and come into parents beds multiple times every night. What’s going on here? Doesn't matter how firm your 'belief' is, the child is telling you otherwise.

Stop confusing him, he needs a bit of kindness.

ive a child a similar age who can’t sleep on their own. Nothing I’ve tried has worked

You say he's totally hyper during the dayI. Is he neurotypical? ADHD and ASD can cause sleep issues that you can't train out.

Rude. But thanks for taking the time to give your opinion.

Rude. But thanks for taking the time to give your opinion.

It had crossed my mind - his Dad has ADHD 🤔

Then it is quite possible he does too. So will you approach this issue differently if DSS does have ADHD?

You can't 'sleep train' when he doesn't have consistency, it will just make him more confused and insecure.

Could you put a floor bed in your room? How often is he with you?

My DS has ADHD and didn't sleep through the night until he was nearly 7. I know it's frustrating but there's nothing you can do. It was a bit like a switch flipped and then he just started sleeping through.
His dad has (undiagnosed) ADHD too. DS wasn't diagnosed until he was 9 but looking back the sleep was one of the (many!) clues.

Ds did this last year for a few months, he’s 7. It might have been a bad dream, getting up to go to the loo and didn’t want to get back in his bed alone, or a noise woke him etc. At first it was frustrating as it is like going back to the baby days. He’s always been a great sleeper and settles himself off at bedtime no problem.
I realised he needed that comfort in the middle of the night when it was dark and scary. We had a quick cuddle in my bed and I walked him back to his own. Another quick cuddle and he was sleeping again.
If he does this at home then it sounds like he’s looking for the comfort of his mum. I’d go with it - obviously I don’t know what your relationship with him is like so it might be your partner who he comes to in the night. Have conversations about it during the day so there’s no pressure about it. And gently return him on a night.

It seems very possible that he's finding things emotionally difficult, and his younger brother is less affected as his parents not being together has been normal for longer.

Give him lots of empathy and reassurance.

My eldest was still spending time in our bed at his age. We had to change it I was pregnant and there was simply no room. Dh would lie down with her to help the transition.

It's really understandable that kids want to sleep close to their parents. Adults get to sleep next to each other, why not them?

My child who is slightly older came in three times last night.

It's not as unusual as you might think sadly.