5 month old waking frequently throughout the night and only settles when fed

[Sotired2024]

My 5 month old DD has been waking lots throughout the night for the past 5/6 weeks (I think it's part of the 4 month sleep regression) but unfortunately it seems things just keep getting worse. She was sleeping well up until the regression started (only waking once or twice a night which was amazing!). When the regression started, she used to be able to be rocked back to sleep by my DH if she woke not long after I'd last fed her, but now she breaks into hysterics unless I feed her back to sleep, even if she fed back to sleep only an hour beforehand. She has been doing fine with her weight gain - she is on the small side but has been sticking to her 9th centile line religiously since our rocky start (she had a tongue tie and a hospital admission for bronchiolitis before she was 1 month old so things were very up and down with her weight in the beginning) and the two most recent times I've weighed her she has actually been on the 14th centile which I was really happy about. Once she is fed back to sleep at each waking, she does then allow me to transfer her back to the moses basket, but generally she's awake again anywhere between 60-120 minutes from the start time of her last wake.

When she goes to feed on me in the night, she isn't really drinking, she is mainly doing it for comfort (I don't hear many gulps from her, she seems to just like having the nipple in her mouth). I realise people might say that I need to break the feed to sleep association but I honestly just don't feel like I can cope with the crying considering how sleep deprived I am at the moment. In the daytime, she will only nap in the sling or during/after a feed. In the sling she can nap for up to about 1 hour 45 minutes (her first nap of the day is always the easiest) but if she falls asleep after feeding she will only stay asleep for about 20 minutes on my lap. She is very sensitive and doesn't cope with being transferred out of the sling or off of my lap so I am always trapped whenever she naps. Depending on how well she is sleeping, I can sit down when she is in the sling, but sometimes she won't stay asleep if I sit so I have to continually bob around which is so tiring. Once it gets to the afternoon she doesn't really tolerate sling naps and so I end up stuck on the sofa feeding her while she dozes on my boob (which is what she is doing right now!)

I'm feeling so trapped and down with how things are going at the moment. I feel like I can't ever get a break (she barely sleeps on DH in the sling anymore - when he's tried recently she's slept for 20 - 30 mins max). She went through a really bad pram hating phase (which she's slowly getting out of now, though it's still very hit and miss) which meant every time I left the house she was in hysterics and I would just power walk to wherever I needed to get to, then come home and cry myself because it was so stressful and I felt like such a failure. She also hates the car seat but again she is doing slightly better with that again recently (if we sing nursery rhymes the whole time) and she does occasionally fall asleep in there again now (it used to be a sure fire way of getting her to sleep as a newborn). I can't drive so taking her out in the car isn't an option for me without DH here.

I really don't feel comfortable with sleep training or cosleeping so I don't know what the solution is for us. I just feel like I need a break sometimes but considering how she is in the pram/car I don't feel like I can ask any family members to take her for a walk/drive to give me some breathing room, and if they were to watch her for a bit at our house, I know I would struggle not to intervene if I heard her cry while I tried to have a little nap or something. Some older family members have suggested weaning her early to see if that helps but I'm worried to do that because she's not very steady with sitting up yet. Also I think the suggestion plays into my anxiety surrounding her weight and makes me feel like people think I'm not feeding her enough (I struggled a lot with that in the beginning when we had our feeding problems related to her tongue tie and her weight yoyoing up and down).

Has anyone experienced similar and come out the other side? I'm just feeling so anxious and alone at the moment. 🙁

Oh @Sotired2024 bless your heart! You sound so stressed out and anxious! And in all honesty you sound like how I have felt in the past with my DD (now 15 months). I can assure you that you are doing absolutely nothing wrong and your DD is just being a baby. Every thing you have described is completely normal.
My DD fed to sleep (and mostly still does), I had contact naps all the time. She hated her pram and car seat. Very similar!! But honestly it’s completely normal.
You don’t need to wean early. I would suggest you look at cosleeping options - honestly it’s a life saver and if you master lying feeding you can snooze while LO feeds. If you really don’t want to do that you need to find ways of getting more sleep. Get some help in the day and please get some rest! I’ve never sleep trained either and wouldn’t so understand where you are coming from!
Follow Lynsey Hookway on insta for some scientific understanding of baby sleep. It makes me feel so much better.
you are not alone, many women feel like this but honestly you are doing the best for your DD. That’s amazing (tough, but amazing!)

If it’s for comfort could you try a dummy?

Has she got a dummy?

@Brightandbreezey Thank you so much for your reply, you've made me feel heaps better. It's all so hard and some of the mums I've met at groups have made me feel a bit rubbish (not internationally!) about my choices and made me feel like maybe I'm just doing it all wrong and creating problems as their babies seem to be able to self soothe already and my DD seems to need so much support to sleep.

@FlameTulip @MolkosTeenageAngst we've tried lots of times but unfortunately she just keeps spitting them out and then she gets herself worked up. I don't know if maybe it's a bit late to retry introducing one?

@Sotired2024 its a personal choice whether you want to have contact naps or not. I honestly just enjoyed them but I did have a very supportive partner who did most of the chores at the time so I just got comfy and enjoyed the snuggles!!
I still breastfed my DD to sleep for her nap but I roll away when she’s asleep (I have a floor bed) and put the monitor on and get on with some bits!
I’m not going to lie it’s been tough sometimes and my DD is still needing a lot of support with sleep. But I have definitely found that stopping comparing with others and focusing on what works for me and my DD and just rolling with it as best I can is the only way to get through the tough times. Honestly you’re doing a great job and sleep will improve eventually whether you change things or not!

Oh bless you. My 6MO had similarly good sleep (as in 1 or 2 wakes) pre her 16wk jabs, and then after that it's been more like 3 or 4 wakes (or more...). She recently turned 6 months and has just had a few nights of just 1 or 2 wakes which is bliss! Pretty sure it's not the solids that's done it because we had 4 days trying solids and continued the bad sleeping, then 2 days without solids and those were the good sleep days! Hard to tell but my current thinking is that moving from pram to pushchair and being out and about with people and outside made the difference, as she really enjoys being in the pushchair and able to see so much more than just the sky haha. I don't know what your plans are with moving to a pushchair/stroller but might be worth a try?

Also my DD feeds to sleep and only naps in the day either on my lap post feed (20 mins tops) or in her carrier post feed (can be an hour and a half!) So similar to yours. Might be worth looking at a carrier as opposed to a sling in case that's more comfortable for you/you can get away with sitting down in it more? I've been watching TV with subtitles while she feeds and naps lately to avoid distracting her haha. Sitting on the edge of the sofa so I can sway while sitting, or jump up for a bit of swaying every so often when she stirs, helps too!

My DD doesn't have a dummy, but does have one of those teether things with the handle, which she has on occasion nodded off with! It's handy cos it can't fall off her hand once she's got the right grip on it. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0BX466R1R/ref=sspa_mw_detail_0?ie=UTF8&psc=1&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9kZXRhaWw

Much sympathy, you will get through this, and I hope you can get the support you need to get enough sleep to function in the meantime bless you. You are a great mum and doing amazing, try not to lose sight of that x

My baby is 21 weeks and we’ve had bad sleep from the regression since about 3 1/2 months 🫠 sleep deprivation is so so hard.

I also only do naps in the sling or carrier and find that if I prop about 3 pillows behind me so that I’m only on the edge of the sofa but still supported he lets me sit down. It’s not the most relaxing but at least I’m sat.
Mine also wouldn’t sleep in the car or pram and after having a bit of a meltdown about being trapped last week he randomly started to do both at the weekend!
I have co slept to help with the frequent night wakes, it doesn’t stop him from waking but mentally helps me that I don’t have to keep getting up.

I found myself constantly googling 4 month regression and got so stressed about the thought of sleep training but trying to just trust he’ll do things in his own time 🤞🏼and instead of worrying about how he naps just doing whatever it takes to make life easier at the mo.
I hope things get easier for you and wanted to let you know there’s someone else in a similar situation.

DS2 was exactly the same, so you have my sympathy! He's still a rubbish sleeper to be honest, so I'm not sure I can claim to be over the other side, but I can tell you that we did treated him the same as DS1, who was a much much better sleeper. Sometimes they're just not great sleepers! You're definitely not a failure.

Does she like being in the sling when it's not nap time? DS2 would contact nap on DP, which was a great help, but liked being outside generally so would happily be in the sling with my mum. My mum couldn't get to grips with the sling herself, but I could help her get it on then go for a nap. I also would struggle to hear if DS2 was upset, but I also think it's really important that DP was able to soothe him and to a certain extent that can't come without exposure and being left just the two of them. They had three months off together and while it was tough at times when I was working at home to hear DS2 upset they're now great together. Let your DH step up.

You've been spoilt. What your describing is pretty standard. You just have to survive it. My first was 18 months before going longer than two or three hours between wake ups and feeding back to sleep. They don't wake for milk. Boob just helps them nod back off quickly again

If you're used to having several hours between wake ups then temporarily go back to shifts with your partner and sleep elsewhere with headphones on when you're not on shift could be a short term solution.

Personally I'd look into safe co sleeping. It's much life much easier with my subsequent babies as although the wake ups are just as often one of us can pat and shush etc whilst not being fully awake every time.

It all passes. Don't make massive changes to your life or routine because it's almost all out of your control anyway. All you can do is set the right environmental conditions for sleep. The rest is down to baby.

My 3rd child is like this! I'm not sure how close yours is to 6 months, but mine improved a lot with weaning and really went for it so i think she was hungry and doing little overnight feeds as overtired (she's 6 months now, this is why I'm awake at 4.20am as I'm so used to being awake). She was also a good sleeper until 3.5 months. It's suddenly so much easier, 1 wake a night.

Only other thing that's odd to me is moses basket. I know you said 3rd centile but I'm really surprised she's still in it at 5 months and not in a big cot? It might be it's too restrictive or mattress is too soft now or that she's too heavy and can feel the hard bottom part now (even if she is small, it could be uncomfortable?) Just a thought, some moses baskets are better than others (mine all outgrew them by 4 momths max). You'll get there mama.

That's exactky what they should be doing

Expectations around baby sleep need to be taught in antenatal classes. We're doing parents and babies such a disservice here trying to make them birds we leave in a nest when they're carry mammal babies meant to be with us all the time.

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