1m old: daytime napping

[MoreThanRubies]

How can I get my DD2 (1 month) to nap in a cot/swing/pram in the daytime? Asking because I need to have arms free when I’m also caring for DD1 (3).

DD2 is quite a cuddly baby and even though she sleeps in a crib at night (thankful for that), in the day she really only naps in arms, a sling or (safer) cosleeping. I desperately need to be able to put her down sometimes when I have toddler DD1 too.

DD2 wakes after 5 minutes in swing or carry cot or pram even if put down deeply asleep. If put down awake she cries until totally wound up and then needs feeding and soothing in arms again.

I hate the sling and don’t want her in it all day. We don’t have a lot of help. I know DD1 is only tiny and I need to go with the flow, but I also need some options and ability to not be holding her all the time because I have other responsibilities too.

Did anyone find any tips that helped them put their cuddly baby down once in a while at 1 month?

TIA

Hot water bottle so you can warm the cot or pram a little before you pop her in it and then she won't notice the change so much as you'll be transferring her from one warm snug spot to another.

My little one is 2 months old and older almost 3 so very much in the thick of it like you.
I try and get us out of the house every day to toddler groups etc so that the eldest has other little ones to play with.
If they are groups I'd been going to a while, everyone wants to see the new baby so you might get offers to hold them. I also found baby slept better out and about in the pram too - probably all the back ground noise.
If you're open to it, it might be worth checking if you've got a local sling library to find one you'd get on with better. I've found mine a lifesaver for getting things done.
It does get easier - baby is having more awake time so will go on the play mat or bouncer happily. I hope this helps xx

Oh dear, I read this as Im old - daytime napping and thought yes, that’s me I always feel like a nana nap.

Congrats on your new born and good luck getting the sleep sorted🌺

Is it worth trying a different carrier? I hated the sling too and got a baby bjorn mini on eBay which was waaaay better.

@Greyscale1 I used the same strategies. We were out of the house for a large part of the day with toddlers, coffee mornings , supermarket , bottle bank trips and all the parks.Pop home for lunch and then out again... Occasionally in desperation I would get us all in the car , have a short drive for an errand and time it so that all three of us could then have a short nap. I'm hugely in favour of slings for cuddly babies ; could you ring the changes with those? If it is any reassurance DC2 quite quickly got interested in watching DC1 for amusement and in that sense it was easier.

Thank you everyone - there are a few things here I’ll try.

I think that, while I’m an affectionate parent and enjoy the cuddles, I’m not naturally an attachment parent. The sling and contact naps, in conjunction with breastfeeding just feels a bit much right now. I mostly miss being properly present for my older DD. Even little things like being able to easily wipe her bum or get down at her level are hard with a baby strapped to me.

DD2 doesn’t currently settle for “nighttime” until midnight or later - although she sleeps in a crib after that - so I’m missing my evenings too, as DD2 is always on me or DH (possibly even more of her favourite sleeping place than me!) all my waking hours.

Looking forward to the end of the fourth trimester!

Could she have her daytime nap in her crib if she sleeps well there? Are you doing routine you do for bedtime for naps? E.g closed curtains, white noise, sleep bag (or whatever your nighttime routine looks like) It’s not always possible, but I’ve always tried feeding my babes at the start of the wake cycle rather than when they need to sleep, one so they feed for longer and don’t just fall asleep, but so there’s time for good stimulation and tire themselves out.

May be a stupid question have you tried a swaddle. Do you have a next to me crib that helped me as your still close and can slip away easier.

You could also try some soothing sound like a shusher or white noise.

I might have missed it, but have you swaddled? I have a nearly 7 week old laid on my lap at the moment. I should be able to put her down in her Moses but she’ll only stay down if I swaddle. She’s actually just pooed so I’ll have to change her, which will wake her up so she won’t be napping 😂.

Like your DD2, DD doesn’t usually go down at night until 1am so it makes the days and evenings very long! Hope you find a solution!

Just here to offer a bit of long term (hopefully) consolation
I have DS almost 4 and DD 2 and a bit.
I massively struggled in 4th trimester as she just wanted to have contact ALLLLL the time and DS was so tiny still.
(we did pram naps swaddled only and contact naps in a stretchy wrap pretty much all the time, I didn’t crack the whole napping on her own thing really for those first 3 months sorry, not even at night she had to have my nip in and around her mouth all night so we coslept, I was tired, lonely and cranky)
BUT since 3mo she has been the BEST sleeper ever. I mean. Awake to feed until about 7 months twice a night then slept thru
Now at night time, pretty much since 7mo, when she’s put down in her cot, it’s like she’s dead. Seriously. Don’t hear a peep. Never had a sleep regression. We have to wake her every morning or she’d sleep til noon.
Its not forever and you can do it ❤️

Persistence!l just keep putting her down, sometimes if you lie by her with a hand on her stomach so you are still in contact . Increase the time you move away from her. Some babies like white noise . Also agree with swaddling if she has a strong startle reflex. I think most second children have to just learn to lump it eventually as older kid will always need you for something, hence why there is such a difference between 1st and 2nd born kids!

Following. In exact same situation, also a month old except he won’t sleep in his crib at night either so is in bed with me, and he’s my third. I am utilising the sling but he’s v big and I get sore!!

My DS (2nd child) was the same. I would cradle him with a baby blanket so he stayed warm when put down, sometimes this didn’t even work. I found white noise to be a saviour and also put him in pram so if he did stir I could rock him back to sleep. Good luck

edited for typo

Nothing worked for mine, looking back it feels like I held her for the best part of her first year. She was my second too, luckily my eldest was 5 when she was born but still it was tough. I was completely touched out, I ebf for 6 months and she fed ridiculously frequently; I literally had 40 mins to an hour between feeds during the day.
The only thing I can suggest is what was already said, good carrier/sling and engaging as many other arms to hold her as possible; and time outside where she's more likely to sleep in her pram. Unfortunately this is perfectly normal human newborn behaviour; little buggers are wired to be held or their instinct kicks in telling them they've been abandoned and aren't safe.

Sorry if this has already been said but if you can get to grips with the sling it makes such a huge difference in my experience! I really loved the soft sling (piece of material that you tie, mastered through YouTube tutorial!!) as feels the most compact and it led to really solid naps. But I get that with a toddler it is easier if baby is able to get some sleep separate to your body. Pram bassinet was my next best option as I could rock it more easily if she woke. I know that you have to be careful with overheating but I always made her quite cosy with a blanket. Good luck.. those first few months adjusting to having two are tough!! And it’s sooo normal for babies to want to be held the whole time. Things will keep shifting and I always think older children can accept more than we realise when it comes to the arrival of a new sibling xx

She is still only young.
but do you put her down the same way as she is in the crib?? Swaddled etc?
i would put her in a maybe use the hand patting until she falls off rather than pick her up when she cries might help her self settle
i also think that’s when we used a dummy

or making sure your out of the house around nap time so she has to fall asleep in the pram will make it easier

Would you swaddle her tightly?

Thank you everyone!

I’ve had some success in the past couple of days:
In moving pram timed according to wake windows, swaddled
In static carrycot, swaddled with dummy, patting her chest

In each case she’s only napped for about 35 minutes (one sleep cycle?) and they’ve involved a fair amount of action from me. However, it’s given me hope that we can maybe work on this and I’m not doomed to contact naps for the next year…

I’m a little jealous!! I’ve held my little one for 4 hours this evening and been pinned to the sofa as he has needed a nipple in mouth continuously. No easy feat with two others 🤦🏽‍♀️😂 dad is currently walking around with him in a sling so I can eat and then I’m taking him to bed. But there’s been a lot of screaming everytime I take him off the boob or put him down this evening. He’s 5 weeks now, hoping this improves soon 😂🙈 which obviously it will, as I know. But it’s hard, you’re not alone ❤️

Thank you @saffy2 ! It’s very hit and miss. I was pinned to the sofa all yesterday evening, then got ready for bed accompanied by crying as I can’t be attached to her all day every day and still do luxury things like, y’know, showering!