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Sleep

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Original poster

ds almost 3 and waking up in the night, didn't used to

32 replies

MNersanonymous · 02/04/2008 11:26

Since we went on holiday a few weeks ago ds (nearly 3) has been waking in the night more.
He wakes at 2am some nights, other nights not until 6am but then will go back to sleep for an hour or two.

He is fine in the evenings.

He recently transferred to a proper bed but this started just before that anyway and he seems quite happy in the bed.

When we go in he either asks to be tucked in better, for his teddy etc.

If it were always the same reason it would be easier to solve but I think it's just a habit he's got into.

He's always been a good sleeper until now. H e does go back to sleep quickly so I can't complain and I know people deal with worse but I'd like to solve this as it is still tiring!

Should I just go cold turkey and stop going in? I'd feel bad about that because he might then end up without his comforter/ covers etc.

I am totally boring/ uninteractive when I go in already and it's not helping.

OP posts:

fluffyanimal · 02/04/2008 12:32

I will follow this with interest as I am in virtually the same position! So I have every sympathy with you MNersanonymous, but no advice at the moment! My ds is just 2 and was always a good sleeper but over the last few weeks has started to wake every night and cry Mummy Mummy. I think he has started occasionally having nightmares but whereas the first one or two wakings might have been because of this, now I'm sure it's just a habit. When I go in to him he's always kneeling up in bed, so I don't see him readily going back to sleep if left on his own. I refuse all requests for milk or to be taken into bed with us, I just cuddle him, no talking, no light on, and then put him back down when drowsy.

I really really don't want to just leave him to cry as occasionally he's had a genuine reason for being awake, e.g. wet pyjamas or a temperature. How do I break the habit of him waking?

fluffyanimal · 02/04/2008 13:18

Bump

frasersmummy · 02/04/2008 13:32

Our ds started this about 2/3 months age.. he will be 3 next week

he would come through to our room demanding cuddles. Because he never did this before I presumed bad dreams and did cuddle him in our bed for an hour or so the first few nights

It quickly became apparent that cuddle time was going to become habit so 4 nights in we changed tack.

As soon as he appeared we picked him up, took him back to his bed saying its still sleepy time .. night night

3 nights of this- he soon realised that it wasnt worth getting up

fluffyanimal · 02/04/2008 13:36

Thanks for the reply frasersmummy - trouble is, both MNers and I are in the position of going into the child, rather than the child coming to us, and we are both already as uninteractive as possible! Have you any other suggestions?

Original poster

MNersanonymous · 02/04/2008 13:59

Exactly fluffy - I just don't know how much less we can do short of not going in at all!

It is quite tiring - nothing compared to a newborn but I'm not used to it anymore!

I've tried telling him that if he wakes in the night he needs to 'sort himself out' (not in those words' which has cut it down a bit - immediately post holiday it was 3 times a night.

But at a loss to know what to do next. Does your little chap have naps in the day still? It seems to make no difference with mine as to whether he has napped or not!

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fluffyanimal · 02/04/2008 14:09

My ds seems to be gradually outgrowing his daytime nap. He is at nursery during the day and some days he sleeps, some days not. At the weekend, if we go out in the morning he'll usually sleep in the car on the way home, but he might not have a nap if we just stay at home. It doesn't seem to make a difference whether he naps or not - I always hope that no nap will make him nice and tired, and all that happens is that he goes to bed earlier.

All my friends say when this happened to them they just gritted their teeth and left the LO to cry. But I simply can't bring myself to do it, and DH would probably divorce me if I tried! Have we made rods for our own backs?

Original poster

MNersanonymous · 02/04/2008 14:24

I don't know. I have always been really good at not going in too quickly etc so it's never turned into a problem before.

I have a friend who literally left her little one out of earshot pretty much from 3 months so she couldn't possibly go in - that's something I just couldn't do just in case he was ill or something.

Yikes, maybe we need to try and not go in so quickly?

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terramum · 02/04/2008 14:24

DS went through a similar period of waking in the night after his 3rd birthday (which also coincided with him changing from a cot to an adult bed). He would go down alright in his bed but wake in the night & come into our bed. It was a bit of a pain for a while, especially as DH couldn't sleep very well next to him & had just stared working again so needed his sleep...so he usually ended up in DSs bed after he had come in to cuddle me....but we managed & after a few months of it happening on & off it stopped again.

I think it was a combination of:

a rather long period of growth spurts (he was eating & bfing masses back then as well I seem to remember) and/or development phases
needing to feel secure & safe (we were going through a fairly hideous time housing wise & were threatend with eviction for most of last year)

We moved into a new house just before xmas last year & it did start up again after that, probably due to the change etc...but he has settled back down again & rarely wakes at all now, even if he wets the bed

Original poster

MNersanonymous · 02/04/2008 14:25

p.s. I think I have been rushing in too early recently - partly because he was recently potty trained so no nappies at night means I'm more anxious I guess in case he needs a wee (which he hardly ever does)

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fluffyanimal · 02/04/2008 16:24

Terramum, I wonder if the development phase has anything to do with it. DS's speech is accelerating at an exponential rate at the moment.

MNers, I wonder if I should try leaving him for a bit. The trouble is, he starts off by shouting for me pretty loudly, and just gets louder! If it was just sleepy whingeing I would leave him.

Original poster

MNersanonymous · 02/04/2008 17:38

Interesting as ds is having a speech spurt too - he has come out with some much more grown up phrases today which made me really surprised. He has been a bit late talking well so it's funny!

Ok how about we make a pact and both try and leave them a bit longer tonight and report back (commiserate) in the morning?!?

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skyatnight · 02/04/2008 17:56

I have this problem with dd who is just 3. It has been going on for a few months. Some nights, nothing. Other nights, between 1 and 5 wakings. When I go in, she is sitting up crying, scared of the dark. It is not possible to leave her as she just gets louder. I have assumed it is some kind of nightmare and she generally goes back to sleep once I have cuddled her. It can get very wearing. No advice. I'm assuming it is a 'phase'.

bobsmum · 02/04/2008 17:58

Dd is 3 in June and doins this too. She's definitely having nightmares - a quick cuddle always settles her.

Last night she woke up whimpering 'I'm so sad, I'm soooooo sad" - was heartbreaking

terramum · 02/04/2008 20:25

Could you ask him to come & find you if he has a problem in the night? DS was always fairly independent & did it on his own LOL....but it did make it much easier to deal with the interrupted sleep is all I had to do was mutter yes when he came into our room & asked to sleep with us....some nights we didn't even notice/remember him coming in & would just wake up the next morning to find him there snoring

mumfor1standmaybe2ndtime · 02/04/2008 20:35

So glad I just found this thread, last week or so ds has started waking in the night screaming for mummy etc and tonight he wont go down, he has spent an hour crying and screaming - very unusual. He is 3.

Just left his bedroom light on and he is 'reading' in bed, so hopeful he will drop off!

fluffyanimal · 03/04/2008 09:18

Update: well after a huge tantrum over going to bed (he wanted more and more stories), DS slept through for the first time in at least a fortnight! To paraphrase Monty Python's dead parrot sketch, he must have been shagged out after a long squawk! Anyway, we'll see what tonight brings..

Bobsmum - bless your dd!

Original poster

MNersanonymous · 03/04/2008 09:25

my ds was ok until 7.05 when he woke saying ' tuck in tuck in!) which is better although that's still too early for him as he has a late bedtime. Better than recently though. I hope tonight is the same as that's much more bearable than 6am!

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skyatnight · 03/04/2008 11:42

No sleep-interruptions last night.

desperatelyseekingsleep · 04/04/2008 14:19

Interesting, my ds (3 in June) has just started doing this too, evern since the clocks went forward. He wakes about once a night and either wants milk (which he hasn't had in the night since he was 6 mnths old!) or a cuddle etc. Last night he woke screaming in absolute terror about spiders in his bedroom... Dont' know what the answer is, but I'm assuming (hoping!) it's just a phase that will pass.

skyatnight · 04/04/2008 14:31

dd woke twice last night. Each time she was upset about her 'blanket'. Basically she had kicked off the covers. I don't know why she can't sort it out herself but it seems I have to go in and tuck her in again. Grrrh.

Original poster

MNersanonymous · 04/04/2008 17:20

That's exactly like ds Skyatnight - I really think they just want to find a reason to get us to go in. Ds for the first time in 3 weeks actually didn't wake up last night - bet it won't last though!

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skyatnight · 06/04/2008 11:52

MNersanonymous - I don't know about your ds but I don't think dd is doing it on purpose, so maybe he isn't either. Last night there were no interruptions. I think she just wakes up in the night in the dark and is confused, so starts wailing. I don't like being woken up for something stupid like her having kicked off the cover but hopefully it is just a growing phase thing. dd is still not night toilet-trained so I will have to go through the bed-wetting phase next. People say it gets easier after the age of 4. Good!

Original poster

MNersanonymous · 07/04/2008 22:33

I think you're right. Last night he'd lost his teddy. He has asked for the light to be left on on low (he has a dimmer switch in his room) the last couple of nights. Maybe I'll get him a nightlight in the hope he'll be able to sort things out better by himself.

It's such a shame as he was such a good sleeper!

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bergentulip · 08/04/2008 09:04

Hhhmm.... my DS1, also 3 in May, is also waking most nights. He'll want to crawl into bed with us (fine usually because as soon as he is asleep I take him back to his bed, where he stays happily), but the last week or so just seems WIDE awake.
He'll get cars out to play with, his teddy, bring it all into our room. Then demand a drink of milk, or water, or his blanket.

When I tell him it is nighttime, go to bed, see you in the morning, or try and return him to bed, he then starts moaning and crying. I try to ignore him, but he gets louder and louder.

I am sure it is related to the arrival of DS2 four months ago. DS2 was in the room with us for a while, and getting lots of nighttime attention, so I can easily see that DS1 felt left out, so came to our room as well, but now they both sleep in a room together, and disruption is pretty minimal. So, he should not feel like he is still missing out on stuff.

Bedtime is no trouble at all. And sometimes he will sleep through til 7, as he used to. But, this habit at 2am onwards is getting worse, not better!!

Original poster

MNersanonymous · 08/04/2008 09:30

Bergen - probably naive of me or obvious as I don't have a second dc but could you try telling him he has his younger sister for company and it's his 'job' to be there with her - make him feel all grown up?

There's a lovely book called Clementine and Mungo (can't remember the author but it is published by Bloomsbury) about a brother and sister who share a room.

Ds actually didn't wake up last night and slept til 7.50 - hurray - I feel so much more awake today! I'm going to get him a night light so he can see to sort anything out e.g. lost teddy better.

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