5 year old can't fall asleep alone, help!

[Coyote72]

For a couple of reasons we've ended up getting into a situation where our 5yo DS can't fall asleep alone and also transfers to our bed every night.

The last week we've cracked him staying in his own bed but only if we take him back twice a night and sit with him. At bedtime we sit outside his door until he's asleep, so he expects the same in the night and wakes 2-3 times!!

So basically he can't fall asleep alone, any advice or tips that have worked for you? He's an only child so don't have to worry about bothering other kids.

Are you still getting up with him a couple times a night? Consistency is important. He goes back each time but don't sit where he can see you.

That said I coslept until 12 but my ds has special needs.

He will probably need to fall asleep alone at bed time first, and then hopefully he will do it in the night. Until then you are probably going to have pretty broken nights.

You could try gradual retreat, where you gradually move further away each night. Or a version where you 'pop off' to do jobs e.g. put washing away but keep coming back, so he gets used to you being away but knowing you will return. Gradually lengthen the time away. This might make him stay awake longer though, as he waits for you.

I would also try to build a positive sleep association with something (teddy or blanket) so he can get confort from that in your absence. I wonder if you could get to the point of using a 2 way monitor in the night? He could stay in bed and speak to you, you could reassure you are there but not go to him? I doubt this would work yet though.

It's quite common for children of his age to not want to sleep alone. Lots of adults don't like sleeping alone either! My daughter slept with me until she was about 6 or 7 I think, I didn't push or try to persuade, one day she just took herself off to her own room and that was that. Are you open to the possibility of co sleeping?

Do you sleep alone? If both his parents share a bed, he’ll obviously see bed sharing as normal and may be wondering why he’s not given the same comfort as his parents. I get why you’d want him to fall asleep on his own if you have house work and other things to do, but is it such a big deal to let him stay when he comes in through the night?

The super nanny thing of explaining first, then putting them back in their bed every time really does work. That said, my 5 year old climbs into our bed at some point every night, so I clearly haven't cracked it 😂. It did work with is brother though. Plus I don't wake up when he comes in, so don't even know he is there until morning. Is he calling for you in the night and waking you up, or just comingin your room?

I should have added - My partner has just has a nose operation and my son tends to punch us accidentally so we've had to get him out of our bed. To be honest, I'd have left it if we didn't find ourselves with an opportunity.

I should have added - My partner has just has a nose operation and my son tends to punch us accidentally so we've had to get him out of our bed. To be honest, I'd have left it if we didn't find ourselves with an opportunity.

He comes trotting in because he's thought of something scary, which is hard to argue with! We are planning to get him a high bed, which he has in his mind will make things less scary

You nailed it with this advice. We have worked on alone bedtimes with us popping off or sitting upstairs but elsewhere and last night he spent the whole night in his bed without disturbing us!

Hi
Ive Just come across this after a Google search. Im dealing with the exact same issue with dd.
Did you fix it in the end? How?

Following as my DS is the same

Hi, gosh I'd quite forgotten this post and that this was an issue - hope that reassured you!?
He is 7 now and still likes to crawl into our bed some time after 3am. We're ok with that now.
But I'm terms of falling asleep alone - after I nearly died of exhaustion I told him I have to go back to my bed in the night and he was just fine with it.
But at bed time it was a long withdrawal process, we sat on the landing, then the stairs, then downstairs. Even now he gets creeped out and likes to be able to hear us chatting - I think that's the nature of who he is. But we do lots of things to make him feel safe in his bedroom like have toys 'on security' and a toy weapon to take to the loo with him in the night

Definitely reassuring that you'd forgotten it!
Thank you.
I love the idea of toy security guards. Time for Barbie to earn her keep!