When your baby wakes in the night, how can you tell if he needs feeding or if he just needs resettling?

[BellaBear]

I feed him everytime he wakes, but is that wrong? (He's 10+3)

There is no pattern to his nights except that his first sleep is usually his longest (2-4 hours) (but not always).

He wakes between 2 - 6 times between, say, 9pm and 7am

Sometimes he returns to sleep after a feed, sometimes he falls asleep while feeding, then wakes on being out down.

Sometimes he feeds for 5 mins, sometimes longer, never longer than 15 mins

I always fed back to sleep when ds woke. Sometimes I would try to settle him some other way but if this didn't work (which it usually didn't) I would end up feeding. He knew what he wanted!

It's not wrong if you don't mind doing it. If you do, then just try to give him a cuddle or a stroke, and leave the room and see if he persists. If you are bf'ing, it might help if you get someone else to try as he may associate you with feeding.

10.5 weeks is still pretty young but with mine there was some sort of pattern developing then (in fact, dd was sleeping through). Controlled crying isn't really an option for a few months yet (and not much fun when you do get to it) but you can try just holding and comforting him without feeding if you feel that he isn't that hungry. My midwife also recommended rubbing the baby's cheek gently and, if he turned towards your finger quickly and tried to latch on, that was a sign of hunger. Not sure how much I believe that one...

no, I don't mind doing it! (well, inasmuch as I don't mind being awake at horrible o'clock in the middle of the night!) It's just you hear people say that their baby was up at so and so a time in the night and they had to be resettled and my thought is always why didn't you feed them, so I figured that there was a difference between the sorts of wakings. Maybe when there is a bit of a routine, you can tell your baby doesn't need feeding because he never usually wakes at that time?

Are u breast or bottle feeding??

I always feed my 5 month old when he wakes. I have tried just resettling hjim a few times but he is having none of it lol
it's bloody tiring but he'll grow out of it I'm sure.

How heavy is he? Body weight can help to determine whether babies are physically capable of going through the night without feeding. He's probably around the age when he may be able to go longer at night, but is he big enough?

My daughter's boy twins are 10 wks and 4 days, and have started going from 10.30 to 7 in the last week, but only since she began a Gina Ford -ish routine. They used to go from 8pm to 3 am, which isn't too parent-friendly, but now she gives them a "Baby Whisperer" type dream feed at 10.30 and they will go most of the way to 7am. Sometimes a dummy can help a baby snooze back off when they wake but aren't really hungry. this is what she does if need be. It works very well.

They weight 12lbs 15 and 12lbs 6 .Bottle fed now.

I always fed both of mine whenever they woke at that age except for during the first few hours of the night when I was awake (say until 10pm or so), when I would try to settle them without feeding. I've only just stopped feeding ds (10 months) at night...he was waking and being fed at least 3 times a night and I was starting to lose the will to live, so I got tough. But 10 weeks is still teeny tiny. I guess you could always have a go at setling him without feeding first, and see if he'll go back down, but I'd probably just stick with the feeding for now, if it's working.

thanks for all the replies

he's breast fed

a week ago he was 12 3, just under 50th percentile

he was up three times between nine and seven thirty : 11.30, 2, 5

My DS was a regular 11pm, 2am, 5am feeder from day 1 (3 hourly round the clock).

By about 10-12 weeks, I did find i could settle him without a feed at 2 and/or 5 by cuddling him in bed or by giving him a dummy or reswaddling. I/my DP tended to try settling for 5 mins or so, but if that didn't work, i'd feed him.

I kept the 11pm feed going til 7mo when he wasn't really that bothered about it. But now he's 9mo, he seems unsettled and has gone back to extra feeds in the evening! Babies, eh?!

just do what ever is best for you both. I always bf dd back to sleep as it lets us both get more sleep.

she goes to sleep in her cot, then wakes up in the middle of the night and i bf her, while we both go back to sleep.

sometimes i don't even remember bringing her in my bed as i'm still half asleep. works for us... lol

could be a problem when dp has to get her back to sleep tho, if I ever go out for the night... lol

So what happens if you don't feed him?

Ds is 16 weeks (9 weeks from his due date though). Weighs 13lb ish. Dh wakes him for a feed at 10pm. Then if he wakes before 4am we try to settle him without feeding. Because I know if I do feed him, he won't actually be that hungry (am bottle-feeding, so easy to tell!). So when he cries, I leave it for 5 minutes before I go in (unless he sounds frantic). Then I give him his dummy, stroke his head. Try walking up and down with him a bit if that doesn't work. If he is hungry at this point, he will get really cross and shouty. If not, he'll start to drop off.

But the reason I do this, is because I don't want to waste a bottle - I've only got one bottle of water and pot of measured formula ready upstairs. When I was bf'ing dd, I used to feed her every time, it was easier. OTOH, she did start to wake more and more frequently as she got older and eventually I had to stop feeding her every time (every hour and a half!) and then she got rather cross with me. She came downstairs an hour ago, said she couldn't sleep and could she have some milk - nothing changes!

I don't know what happens if I don't feed him!

BUT we had five hours (FIVE HOURS!!!) sleep in a row last night and he only woke up twice (TWICE!!!)

It's a miracle, I tell you.

At some point we are going to be able to put him in his cot, and then at another point we'll be able to put him to bed and then stay downstairs and, I don't know, maybe watch television or something. These are great days, I tell you.

Thanks for all replies!
xx

I'm not sure there is any right answer here as it depends on you and the baby. I think that the only way you can tell is by trying to re-settle and seeing if it works, if it does - fine, if not then feed. Re-settling can be way more tiring for you in the short term, but you might find (as I did) that he sleeps through sooner. My DD2 would sort of reach a plateau and wake at the same time every night and after a while I'd try and resettle rather than feed, e,g, from 5 wks ish DD2 slept 7pm to 2 am then 6am. After she'd been doing that for a week or so I tried resettling (re-swaddle, rock, dummy etc), if she didn't settle in 5 mins or so i'd bf, but usually it worked and she'd wake a few hrs later. After a couple of nights the later time (3.30 ish) became her normal waking time, so I fed her at that time for a week or so before starting to try and re-settle instead of feed and, sure enough, she'd usually settle and then sleep to 4.30 / 5ish and after a few nights that became the norm. Once she slept to 5am / 5.30 am ish on a regular basis I would generally try to settle her and not feed before 6.30am (which I consider to be morning!). She was sleeping through without waking at around 9wks old and I'm sure resettling her really helped, BUT the nights I did it were awful as I'd be up twice in the night (once to settle and then a few hrs later to feed) rather than just once.

It sounds like his sleep is now starting to extend a bit more which is great. Maybe if he wakes up after a short time (2 - 3 hrs ish) you should try re-settling rather than immediately assuming he is hungry. The surprise I had with DD2 was how easy it often was to resettle her on her first waking and if it wasn't easy - then I just fed her.

All this is predicated on the assumption that he is feeding well and often during the day and that you have no concerns re weight gain etc.

Well we've just had two CRAP nights of no more (and sometimes less) than two hours at a go, and at least four wakes. I am wrecked.