DD won’t let anyone else do bedtime

[Anothersleepdeprivedmum]

Hello, I hope I’m posting in the right place. Dd has just turned 3 and she’s a little joy. Mad as a box of frogs and the love of our lives. I work full time so she’s in nursery 4 days and with grandparents (my mum and dad) 1 day. She adores her grandparents - waits by the window when she knows they’re coming and never wants to leave them. We just have a problem with sleepovers/them putting her to bed.

She used to stay at their house as a baby/young toddler and always slept pretty well. Then, when she was about 2.5 she stayed there one night and refused to sleep - crying for me and her dad and wouldn’t settle. We were away so couldn’t do much about it. I haven’t tried another sleepover as I don’t want to distress her or put unnecessary stress on my mum (it only used to happen once every 3-4 months anyway). Since then, my mum has been babysitting at our house but now DD is refusing to let my mum put her to bed in her own room. The last two times dd has lost the plot at bedtime and refused to sleep (she’s an expert at resisting sleep - has been since she was tiny and has never been a great sleeper). She’s been in her own cot/bed since 6 months and is absolutely fine when her dad or I put her to bed.

I stopped the sleepovers as it was clearly upsetting her but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be able to go out once in a while and have mum mum (who she adores) put her to bed. My questions is, has anyone been through something similar? Did you manage to resolve it? Do you have any tips?

thank you xx

My DC1 has also refused to have anyone else put them to bed and we've just gone with it. We are fortunate in that we've never needed anyone to do it, the only exception has been when I was still in hospital after having DC2. It was a bit of a hassle for my DM and DB who were at our house with her and she was about 3.5 then but they did manage it. However she did wake up crying her eyes out some hours later when we got home, I think because she remembered we weren't there and was panicking, so DH went in to reassure her that we were home and she was fine.

She is almost 6 and tried a sleepover at her DGPs house about 6 months ago, her choice, she wouldn't settle and asked to come home when she was still awake at 9pm. She asked again recently and finally had her first successful sleepover there a few weeks ago which is great. She's always been super close to my DPs btw but it's just a thing about wanting me or DH for bed. One for her cousins was similar, and I remember being the same, and my DSis too, so I don't think it's unusual.

Personally I'd let her wait til she is ready as she gets older if it's not a necessity. DC2 is 2.5 and likewise has never had anyone put him to bed except me or DH, he didn't even want to let my DF put him down for a nap last week when I was in the house. They're only tiny for a few years, I don't think it's a big deal personally.

Have you considered doing bedtime together with your mum/dad? So your daughter has both of you putting her to bed and maybe do that a couple of times and then trial your mum doing it on her own.

That’s a great idea. I’ll definitely try that!

We had this with my daughter only it was only the options were just me or preferably me and my partner.
At Christmas when she was 3y4m we were starting to feel the need for one of us to have a productive evening. We started doing bedtimes on our own but I had to have a very good reason for not being there usual not being in the house. Once she except dad we had to do more dad than me so he did 2 nights and i did one. We now alternate and she knows every day which it is and happily accepts both. We never thought we would get here. About once a month I have to work late and have no control over the time I leave and it has definitely reduced the stress of those days

I would start by involving grandparents in bedtime and then test if they could do the story whilst you popped to the loo or to check something downstairs then make it longer and longer before doing a test night with lots of reminders during the day that grandparents will be doing bedtime because of a very good reason for mum not being there and see how you go.

Let her resist sleep, they do bedtime routine, pop on an audiobook, tell her M and D will be in to give her a kiss goodnight when they are home, and let her lay and listen to the CD eventually she'll sleep. If they do it regularly then it just becomes a new routine. Her previous upset night could have just as easily been caused by being under the weather as anything else

If you worked nights you'd make it work, 3 year olds are meant to test boundaries and parents are meant to uphold them if she is safe and won't come to any harm. Time together as a couple or alone persuing your own friendships and hobbies is important to your own wellbeing