Hi,
I am at a total loss as to what to do regarding my little one’s sleep. She is 21 months old, not sick, no major life changes and all of a sudden she acts psychotic (the only word to describe it) when it comes to bedtime and nap time. Please can anyone offer advice or even just solidarity as a mum with a baby who’s grown out of similar?!
For background, we didn’t like the idea of Controlled Crying or sleep training and so have always responded to her if she cried/s in the night. She is cuddled to sleep and put down and then we go in and pat/shush/cuddle if she wakes up in the night. She’s never slept great- usually wakes up anywhere between 1-7 times a night on average crying but always went back to sleep OK. She used to be breastfed to sleep but that stopped a year ago and now she’s weaned and on cows milk and meals through the day. She is a bit of a clingy shy child - very much a mummy’s girl but loves daddy too. Her routine has always been really solid. She wakes up usually at 6am, and she’s currently on one nap 11-1pm (she gets very tired by 10am), then dinner at 5pm, every other day a bath at 6pm then bedtime at 7pm. We get it nice and dark, do same bedtime routine we’ve done since she was a baby, nappy, milk, sleep sack, white noise, lights off, cuddle, put her down.
So to recap, she’s never slept great but she has always gone back to sleep or gone to sleep without much drama really. Then around a week ago she started having split nights- waking at 2am and refusing to sleep at all until 4am. In our exhaustion on the third night, we did let her cry a little before going in because we were just knackered, and that night she fell asleep after a couple of check ins and slept til morning as usual. Then the next night she went down OK, but then woke up two hours later screaming and would not go back down. Three hours of going in and out and cuddling her/rocking her/patting her passed and by that point I left her room and cried my eyes out because I hated hearing her so upset and equally I was knackered and frankly bored. Husband then took over (he had worked late), and eventually she fell asleep. Then we had to go away this weekend just gone, as I had a marathon to run to raise money for the neonatal units that saved her life (she was born at 24 weeks so very premature- her actual age is 2 but corrected age for development comparison is 21 months). She wouldn’t settle at all and because we couldn’t bear her waking the other guests she slept in our bed (she has done this maybe a handful of times in her life so not totally new). Then we got home and now bedtime and naptime have become a SERIOUS nightmare. For her and us! I do usual routine, but as soon as I put her in her crib, she wakes up, thrashes her legs and she screams, often so hard she makes herself a bit sick, and she yells as if she’s being tortured - unless I pick her up! Even patting/shushing and being present doesn’t help! Today she refused to nap in the crib and she has never ever had any issue with napping before so that was new! She screamed unless I was holding her.
It’s a total nightmare as hubby and I both work hard (I do part time so do most of bedtimes etc) and we can’t let her bed share as our double bed is only standard size and we both hang off the bed all night and don’t sleep. I also (obviously) can’t just sit in her chair in her room all night holding her while she sleeps. Likewise though the sound of her crying breaks my heart and my instinct is to pick her up! So I just can’t win! I have no clue what to do. Did the tiny bit of sort of controlled crying we did freak her out? Could it be severe separation anxiety? If so how do I help her? Will we ever sleep again? Will she? Will she always associate the crib with screaming now?! Help help help 😭😔😩
Thank you - one emotionally and physically exhausted mama x