3 yr old refusing to stay in bed

[SaraJS216]

My DD (3, 4 in a couple of months) was generally fine sleeping in her own bed until she started pre school back in September (she had been in another nursery setting prior to this and has settled fine at pre school). Since then, the vast majority of nights she can usually fall asleep in her own bed but wakes crying for me. If I insist she stays in her own bed she gets absolutely hysterical - I can usually persevere for up to an hour before giving her in and having her in with me because I’m too exhausted to stay up and keep going with it. She’ll go straight back to sleep once in my bed, so I’m presuming it’s a separation anxiety issue but she’s not overly clingy to me in day to day life.
I’ve tried getting her a nightlight, having a photo of the two of us on her bedside table, a gro clock, putting one of my t-shirts in bed with her and obviously reassuring her I’m only next door.
Nothing I try seems to be working and I’m so stuck with what to do next. I know some people don’t mind co-sleeping but I don’t want to do it as I don’t sleep well. No partner involved, it’s always just been me and her.
Has anyone got any tips please?!

Going through this exact thing now. How are things for you? Has anything helped?

I really recommend sleeping in her room once she wakes up. (not sure how big her bed is) But even sitting on the floor next to her with a comforting hand on her chest, or having you stroke her face could settle her back to sleep.

She might be struggling with something at her new school that not even she is aware of. Try chatting with her teachers. But for now, she just wants comfort from her momma.

Though it must be annoying now she is only gonna wanna sleep with you for a short while. She is still very little so even though you must be exhausted try to give her a little grace.

Sounds like you’re trying LOTS and I’d strip back what you would like to happen. Decide on your boundaries and be consistent.

For example:
goal is having her sleep through the night:

consider the environment…is something waking her up? (My daughters a stickler for temperature so on cold nights she wears socks and I double blanket…we also use fluffy pjs etc)
is she waking from hunger/thirst? (Consider a snack and drink as part of bedtime routine - we have milk and a cookie but cereal or something would work to give some longer lasting hunger relief)

if there’s nothing environmental it may be separation or night terrors. We had a spate of this and realised her older sister had done some ‘scary’ snap chat filters with her…so once we stopped that things improved. But if it’s not something you can pin point…consistency is going to be your friend.

Decide how long you’re willing to sit with her, try just sitting in the room not interacting or soothing. Will you try leaving before she’s asleep again? Go back if needed? How many times etc. once you have your plan stick to it…it might take a couple of weeks so think of a plan you can continue if needed and still be able to sleep and function yourself.

One piece of advice from an experience I had recently…I’d been sitting with my little one til she fell asleep..took HOURS some nights and after an hour we’d move to my bed. Then one night I was sitting in there and needed the loo…so I just got up and left…and she stayed in bed, did moan a little bit that id left her but when I reassured her that I was only going to the bathroom she stayed in bed and settled…then i didn’t go back in, I sat on my own bed and she just stayed in and within 20mins had gone to sleep on her own. Since then…I sit for 10mins then I get up and leave. I stay upstairs and will sometimes verbally direct back to bed or to sleep if needed but i rarely have to go back in there now. It’s a learning curve figuring out what’s right for you.