please help im so tired my 19 months will not sleep!

[aprilgirl1]

my little boy is 19 months old and has never been a great sleeper, he always is restless and never seems in a restful sleep! i have to nurse him to sleep at about 8pm then 'sneak' him in the cot but does he stay there does he s*e ! at about 2pm hes crying to be in with us, there is no putting him back in the cot after that cc has not worked as he'll just cry and cry and cry and eventually make him self sick, had health vistitors come to see us and nothing has worked, im currently 5 months preg with twins and really need this to be resolved before they come along! last night i swear we only had an hours sleep between the 3 of us, i am at the end of my teather with him and cant cope on no sleep much longer, even when he is in bed with us hes still crying and tossing and turing pulling my hair crting for milk, this is every night and it doesnt seem to be getting any better.................... so please for my sanity please help me!!! xxx

My ds was like this. He got alot better once he moved into a bed. It was a toddler bed so if he fell out he would not hurt himself as it was low. It made a huge difference on the first night. I did go and see my gp, he prescribed sleeping medicine for my ds, not for him though, but so that I could sleep. I felt really bad and never gave it to him. To be honest, I don't think that you are helping yourself letting him get into your bed. You need to lie him back down, don't talk or look at him and go back to bed. If he gets up just lie him back down and walk out. It will take a few nights for this to work, maybe more. You need to stick with it though because if you cave in, he's won. If he makes himself sick, clean it up and put him back in his cot. He's getting upset with you because he's no longer in control. If things are very bad go to the GP and get a prescription for the sleep medicine.

Don't think I'll be much help as DD2 is 22 months and doesn't sleep through but wanted to let you know you are not alone. I think you have to change your strategy at 8 pm. My dd always sleeps a lot better if she is put down in the cot and she knows that its bedtime. Even if she cries she still sleeps much better in the night. She really seems to be waking for cuddles and snuggles with Mummy. I must admit I haven't managed to stay strong all the time but when I go back to letting her cuddle me before bed that is when her sleep goes to pot again. Even when DH puts her to sleep she still wakes wanting to come to bed with me. Every time I have gone away once for the weekend and once for a few days she has slept so much better for DH not waking once. I really think she plays me like a fiddle and I am determined to crack it at last. Try it. It does work...Also try not to get stressed about the fact you need it to happen due to the impending birth when I went back to work I was so uptight about her sleeping pattern that I think she picked up on it and got even worse....easy to say I know. Good luck!

thanks just with being preg im finding it so hard, i used to love co sleeping with him too but hes becoming too restless and kicking out at me in his sleep all the time ( its my own fault hes like this i know that ) but i really need him to sleep for me now i dont think i will cope with the new babies if ds is still like this ... hes actually so bad he actually lies on my head to get to sleep at the same time as pulling my hair really hard (honest is a nightmare).... hes such a lovely little boy but at a night time he turns into a demon xx

keevamun its good to know im not alone....... ds has never ever slept through for me but send him to his nannas aunties , he is no bother and they dont do anything differnent to me at bedtime!

Except nurse him to sleep. I really think this is the crux of the problem....please give it a try for a week and see if it works. You need your sleep.

hi aprilgirl1, sounds very hard work.. my ds has not been in great sleeper but the last couple of weeks he has slept really well - i am still holding my breath! Think its just coz he is walking/running everywhere and is so tired now, and we did CC and just KEPT lying him down. Sorry - that isn't helpful for you but just wanted to say that i was inspired with the lying down thing when seeing a family with a similar prob to yours on the house of tiny tearways (really hope that won't make you feel worse, sorry!) and basically Dr Tanya got them to put the little girl back into her bed AS SOON as she got in with them, obviously she was in a bed but the first night i think they returned her to bed 300+ times - it looked like a nightmare but after a few days the whole problem was solved. I reckon that the same principle might work if you lie your ds down as soon as he disturbs you and keep doing it!
But seeing as you are pg i really think your dp should do it... it might be a hellish few nights but in the longterm might work? All the best

so when night time comes and he asks for milk where do istart at mo he cuddles on my knee with bottle n goes to sleep x

also starting to be embarrased to let him sleep out especially as 2 nephews are perfect sleepers cx

Either let him have his bottle downstairs slightly earlier or let him drink it in cot. You can still sit beside cot and be there just no cuddles and quite firmly telling him its bedtime now. I really hope this is what's going to work with my DD too, so obviously I'm no expert and am in the same boat, but have definitely noticed the link between her poor sleep and being cuddled to sleep at bedtime. I also fully agree with fairylights that DP should do all the putting back to bed in the night as you shouldn't be expected to do this....let me know how it goes and I'll post how my DD is getting on.

if dp goes into his room and its not me there all hell brakes loose and dp works away mon to fri so is only here at weekends to help me, he really does his best but ds will not settle unless its with me, even in bed hes lying on top of me rather than be cuddled in off daddy which gives me no rest at all..... will try milk earlier or in his cot and see how he gets on any tips on midddle of night bottle tried watering it right down where is nearly all water and he'd still wake up for it one once hes finishes hes shouting for more! its just a mare... all revved up to not let him in tonight while dp is here to help me! dreading it!

all the best for tonight april - all i can say is that your dp will need to be tough as nails with your ds but keep telling yourselves that even if its grim now, it will be worth it! We did find that actually our ds almost WANTED us to be firm with him - as soon as we wavered he would pick up on it and get hysterical but if we just stayed calm and silent (this is really important i think) and as if we really didn't mind having to keep getting up then he settled much quicker!
On the bottle thing, your ds may need one or 2 swigs in the night so again you might just have to be mean and refuse any more, despite the screaming...sorry!
all the best

Hi april I hope you have had a better night. My dd went down without a fuss she did ask for a cuddle but I told her no and didn't sit on our chair we usually cuddle on and she knew I meant business...woke once in the night at 11p.m but settled back quite quickly. Slept through until now and woke up happy singing in her cot...It will take time and perseverance and you will have to grit your teeth for a few nights but just think of it in the long run...
On a brighter note my nephew never slept until the day his sibling was born and then has slept through every night since!

how is it going april? hope you are ok!

I do sympathise, but I also agree that you need to establish firmer routines-you have to be in charge here. He will of course up the ante at first but he needs to see that you mean it .
Get him used to going to sleep in his cot not in your arms.
I still swear by Christopher Green's "Toddler Taming"
Good luck and hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.
I don't think sedating him will help incidentally. This is a matter of routine and a battle of wills!

My DD really tested me last night but I stuck firm and she still stayed in her own bed last night...only am now thinking of going to Mum's for a couple of days and I know this will completely ruin her routine....

well good news update, after a terrible night after i posted which resulted in me and ds crying i had to take desperate measures, i changed his cot into a bed..... and its worked like a dream i took you advice and have stopped nursing him to sleep instead we take his milk to bed read a story in bed he drinks his milk himself and then turns over nd goes to sleep... not once been in my bed and had no tears what so ever i cant belive it, first few nights he was up twice just shouting for me i just went it and sat til he fell back asleep last night he was only up once which is a HUGE improvement! he has never not been nursed to sleep nd for about a year has slept in with us, i just cnt believe changing his cot into abed has worked this well so far!!! so please keep your fingers and toes crossed for us but i feel we might be getting somewhere!!!!! xx

sorry for lte reply... bloody internet been down xx