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Sleep

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Original poster

My three year old dd wakes EVERY night sobbing and wanting to come to bed with me. Any advice?

19 replies

LiliAnjelika · 29/03/2008 15:02

My three year old dd used to be a good sleeper. Recently there have been quite a few changes in her life and this has really affected her sleep. There is a new baby (now six months old) of whom she is very jealous, a new nursery (sge started at around the same time as ds was born), and her daddy has just started working away all week after a long period at home. Now she wakes every night sobbing, wants to come in with me, and will not settle. I have tried bringing her in with me, but the problem is I'm still bf in the night and she goes mental whenever I bring the baby in with me, climbs all over us, makes things impossible. I have tried leaving her cry it out, but she goes on for hours, and I'm at the end of my tether. She also wakes the baby when she cries, then I have two to deal with - on my own. I have been averaging three hours sleep a night for the last few weeks and I'm starting to feel really ill and freaked out and I can't think straight. Wnhat should I do?

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Original poster

LiliAnjelika · 29/03/2008 15:09

Bump!

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gagarin · 29/03/2008 15:18

Tell her the baby's being a bit of a pain and waking up in the night "how silly is that?!".

Tell her you're SOOO glad you have a big girl like her to talk to because "the baby is a bit silly and can't tell me what the matter is - and - keeps crying...how silly is that?!"

Ask her if she can help you get through this difficult time with the rather silly baby...has she got any suggestions?

Try your suggestion being a star chart with suitable reward (which that rather silly baby won't be able to have because - well - babies are rather silly aren't they?!).

Get her to pick out a nice reward that only big sisters can have - not rather silly babies.

Read her Alfie and Annie Rose?

Tape player in her room with you reading favourite stories on it - just for girls who can understand (because babies can't you know...).

Good luck - it will get easier with time but it'll be a while I expect.

Original poster

LiliAnjelika · 29/03/2008 15:22

Thanks gagarin. I've tried the silly baby stuff but it makes little difference because she is so wrapped up in her misery, which is as much about daddy being away as the baby i supsect. But I will get Alfie and Annie Rose, which I've never heard of. Tape player good idea too. ThanksX

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LoveMyGirls · 29/03/2008 15:24

I've never had to deal with this so feel free to ignore me..

Can you stay somewhere else for the night and let your dp deal with this for one nigth so you can get enough rest to feel human, even if you stay in a travel lodge? I know nights with your dp home will be precious but so is sleep for your sanity, just express some milk and let him cope?

Then once you feel a bit better you could try a reward chart with your dd where if she sleeps through without crying/ waking her sister/ getting in your bed then she gets a present or some sweets or sticker or something? Talk to her about how nice her room is, buy her new bedding, talk about how she is a big girl sleeping in her own room etc

I wouldn't bring a child into my bed after what i experienced with my dd1 (we co slept and getting her into her own bed was a 2 week mission) so i'd stand firm and have her sleeping in her own room it's not as if bringing her into your room is actually gaining you a peaceful night so she might as well stay in her own room. Could you and baby sleep downstairs for a few nights? Tehn at least baby won't be so disturbed.

gagarin · 29/03/2008 15:26

Well - just make sure daddy reads the stories onto tape! And what about a scrap book of pcitures/photos of daddy for bedtime only?

And could daddy (this is a huge ask of most daddies...) pre-write some postcards and post one to her while he's away?

Original poster

LiliAnjelika · 29/03/2008 15:27

A reward chart already ordered! I did think about a hotel this weekend and letting dp handle it. But to be honest dp just gives in to her and I know he'd let her sleep with him. I would then have to start from scratch.

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Shitemum · 29/03/2008 15:31

Good advice from Gagarin and LMG, tho I think if you spent the night in a hotel it would only freak her more.
Maybe you could sit by her bed and feed baby there rather than let her into yours?
Or put a bed and baby's cot in her room and sleep in there too?
Jealousy is a tough one.

Original poster

LiliAnjelika · 29/03/2008 15:32

We have a webcam set up for evenings where dd can chat to daddy before going to bed but sometimes I wonder whether it aggravates the situation and reminds her of the fact that he isn't here in person? The only time she's remotely better is when my parents stay as they give her tons of attention in the day and I think she goes to bed satisfied with daddy and baby issues far from her mind.

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Original poster

LiliAnjelika · 29/03/2008 15:33

Have to bf baby now but don't go!

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Shitemum · 29/03/2008 15:34

I would say the webcam 'visits' could make things worse. Taped stories read by daddy and scrapbook a good idea tho...
Definately stressing the fact she is a big grown up helpful girl will help and baby is annoying and boring.

LoveMyGirls · 29/03/2008 15:35

think i'd rather start from scratch after having a good rest tbh.

Could your parents come and stay again?

LoveMyGirls · 29/03/2008 15:35

im not going anywhere dp is out and dc's are happy playing I could be doing housework but that will still be there later!

Original poster

LiliAnjelika · 29/03/2008 15:49

does anyone feel that if everything else fails, letting her cry it out in the nights is a bit cruel considering that she already feels so abandoned.

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Shitemum · 29/03/2008 15:57

maybe, but perhaps you do need to let her know who is in control. i mean she needs to know you know whats best and be kind but firm, sorry one handed typing now
if you give in to her you are saying 'yes, you are right to be afraid or lonely' if you are kind but firm it wil reassure her, tho things might be worse fr a couple of nights. its a hard one...

LoveMyGirls · 29/03/2008 15:58

I do kind of think that but IK also think pandering to her will be worse, either way whatever you do it's only a phase and it will pass.

Personally I think I would go in every 10mins and in a calm quiet voice tell her its time to sleep and that you are tired and you are going to sleep too. When you start bathtime run through what you expect to happen so...

we're having a ncie bath now then we'll get you all dry and into your pj's then we'll get a drink of milk and we'll have a cuddle and a story then it's bedtime, you can listen to a tape when it has finished it is time to go to sleep, if you are a big girl and you sleep all nigth without waking mummy up then in the morning you will get a treat and mummy will be happy and want to play with you but if you don't let mummy sleep mummy will be tired and probabl;y grumpy even though i won't mean to be but i will be tired.

dd2 (2yrs and 6mths) tried to get up at 6.30am this morning, dp and i took turns going in and saying its not time to get up yet but you can read a book in bed then I changed her nappy and gave her some juice then she settled down for about 30mins then dp got up with her.

Original poster

LiliAnjelika · 29/03/2008 16:15

I've only tried it trhee times and each time it's been so bad I felt like vomiting. I was going in from time to time but this was winding her up even more. She was shouting things like 'I love you', and 'Please don't leave me' and 'daddy's gone'. It took 2 and half hours nmight before last for her to settle and her cold was much worse the next day. First night she got so stressed her nose started bleeding. Don't think I can do it again. God knows what I'll do. I'm switching her bedroom and taking lots of your advice so that may be a fresh start. Wish me luck.

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LoveMyGirls · 29/03/2008 16:20

good luck!!!

Definitely do the talking things through though and do the tape thing?

Shitemum · 29/03/2008 16:27

Yes, you need to tighten up all the other routines throughout the day and tell her what is going to happen. You need to be her rock in these times of change and loss for her. She needs to know she can depend on things being as she expects even if that includes sleeping alone or waking up alone in the night.

morningpaper · 30/04/2008 13:39

Lovemygirls, I am just looking at lots of old sleep threads, and I wondered how things are going? Have you had any joy?

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