The impossible juggle - 1 nap that doesn't fit

[Doughnut100]

Argh I am thinking about nothing else but this all day long.

My 3 year old goes to nursery 9-12 and without this I would go insane.

My 1 year old needs to drop to one nap but it really needs to be 11-1, and I can't pick up my 3yo from nursery in the middle. Can't expect him to do a 2 hour nap in a car seat every day it's not safe or comfortable.

Can't change nursery hours without paying loads, they are being profoundly unhelpful.

So currently we are trying to do

6am wake up
4 hour wake window
10-11:45 nap 1hr45min
7 hour 15 mins wake window!!!
7pm bed

If we make bed earlier he doesn't get to see his dad which just isn't ok for us. If nap happens after pickup it means I don't get any alone time in the day which again doesn't work if I want to be a sane mum.

He actually seems fine in the evenings and isn't giving signs of overtiredness. He's happy and full of beans. However we are getting more early morning wakes at 3,4,5am (I bf him back to sleep, we co sleep.) I think these are from the cortisol from overtiredness at bedtime. Plus he falls asleep in 5 mins at bedtime which is too fast and shows overtiredness.

Am I being mad to try to make this work? Should I try giving him a catnap in the afternoon? Does anyone do anything similar? Please don't tell me I'm being cruel by taking my partner and my own needs into account.

Isn’t it a bit soon for a 1 year old to drop to one nap? I would do the first nap you suggested and then another nap 2-3

What I would actually do is wake 6, nap 1 hour at 9am, second nap 1/30-2pm

Both mine were at one nap at around that age - we always did it immediately after lunch.
Both stopped napping completely at 18 months.

If you can and it doesn’t screw up bedtime hugely I would try to keep two naps. A longer one in the morning and then a cat nap in the afternoon, just so he can make it to bedtime in decent mood and gets to see dad. If it wasn’t for dad’s work then I’d say to just do bedtime earlier but if that doesn’t work for you then it doesn’t.

Saying that, mine had completely refused the second nap at this age so it might not work. Could you transfer him in the car mid-nap and he sleeps through nursery pick up? So put him down at 11, in the car 11.45 or whenever you need to leave and hope he drops off again?

Why do you need to drop to 1 nap?

I dont understand these napping routines, mine never did them, and it seemed much easier

The nursery hours seem pretty standard for preschool age. Why do you feel they are being profoundly unhelpful?? Your other child's nap time/husbands time to see the kids/your "sanity" is not really their problem. Although it sounds like the service is available if you choose to pay for it?

It's sounds very complicated. I wouldn't be waking a baby up early to squeeze in a nap just so you get some alone time. Wake them up later, nap time after nursery pick up and stick older child in front of the tv for an hour with some lunch if you need a breather.

Thank you all for your help.

We are doing the early nap with a catnap.

yes it might be on the early side to drop it but my daughter stopped napping completely at 2 (so depressing ) so maybe it’s in the genes

I know some people don’t have routines, we were like that with my first but now I’m completely at sea without routine. I find it very hard with two, they are very… spirited.

to explain the reason I feel the nursery are unhelpful, I have funded hours and I have asked to move to the same amount of hours but at different times. They say they have the hours available, they have enough staff and space, but only if I pay and don’t use the funding. I appreciate they are doing a hard job but it feels very inflexible.

Genuine question that you say if they gave an afternoon nap you don’t get alone time? Surely if one of them is sleeping that’s a bonus??

Ha yes but the other one is still jumping on my head.

Seriously though, I need some time in the day when nobody is talking to me or making demands of me. Otherwise I am completely done long before bedtime. It can’t just be me.

Well time alone would be ideal but surely what's best for your 1 year old is more important? Sleep impacts so much including cognitive development. Naps are unlikely to line up perfectly. I'd just suck it up and let him have a nice afternoon nap, it's not really fair on him to nap so long before bedtime, poor thing must be shattered!

Or maybe the older one could have some telly time while little one naps so you get a little rest?

Sorry but what basically every other mum
of 2 in this situation does and the baby naps in the afternoon, after you’ve picked the first up from nursery?

The nap after nursery option isn’t the magical correct option that I’m turning down for selfish purposes. It is too late, he will be too tired by then so he will fall asleep during the pickup in the car and then the transfer out of the car wakes him up. I can’t make it work by adjusting his wake up time later because I have to get up in order to get the bigger one to nursery on time, and he wakes up when I get up in the morning whether I like it or not.

If I thought I was hurting him in any way at all then I would do whatever I had to. But as my initial post said he is fine and full of beans. He is not shattered. We are doing a long nap before pickup and a catnap. It’s working but I know that the ideal time would be an hour later without the catnap.

wish I hadn’t asked 😂

I do 12:30-2 after the school run.
Its not a break, but that’s just the joy of two small children

So your big problem is that he falls asleep in the car during pickup. So either factor that into your routine, or try and keep him awake by talking to him and put him down for a nap as soon as you get back.

I agree with most posters here. Your problem is them falling asleep in the car. You need to find a solution for this and put them down after you picked up the older one.
Yes it sucks not to have alone time but you do what is best for your child. That's being a parent