Transitioning from Cosleeping to Cot

[spsignups]

Hello! Wondering if anybody has some words of wisdom as I am struggling and worried that I have set myself up for a lot of challenges 😩 It might be quite a long one!

I am a 23 year old first time mum to my 8 month old son. He was a very colicy/ high needs baby from the day he was born, and the only way we could possibly get any sleep was to cosleep. I resisted this for a while but was hallucinating, anxious and ragey from exhaustion and labour complications so had to find a way to get some sleep!

Fast forward to now- he is a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful boy (who I wouldn't change for the world) but so very attached to me and I am exhausted. He wakes 5-10 times per night for brief breastfeeds, has never sat in a pushchair for longer than 5 mins without hysterically crying (we use a baby carrier every day), wakes the second I try to put him into a sidecar cot (and will do so 10+ times until I finally give in as it feels cruel to make him so stressed), cries if anybody other than me or his dad touches/ holds him, and would much much rather climb on me all day than play with any toys. He is SUCH a happy baby but only if I am giving him 100% of my attention all day and is touching me at all times.

I have never met a baby quite like this, so I am worried! Worried that I have somehow done something wrong. I am so tired, every time I move in the night he stirs/ cries for a breastfeed to fall back to sleep, and I don't want to carry him everywhere when I'm out. He is signed up to a childminder in three months and I don't think it will be easy for him at all!

Does anybody have any advice or has been in a similar situation?? Thank you!! 💛

Oh bless you!! I don’t have any advice (still cosleeping with my DD at 13 months) but I just came to reassure you that you haven’t done anything wrong. In fact it sounds like the opposite… you’re doing everything right by your little one. He just needs you and (although exhausting for you) it’s natural and normal and with your reassurance he will grow to be an independent and confident little boy when he is ready xx

Hello, my little girl is ten months and your post really resonates with me. After saying whilst pregnant that I’d never have her in our bed, we bed-shared from around four months to cope with the night wakings. I admire anyone who breastfeeds and doesn’t co-sleep, because I don’t think I could have done it. It’s so disruptive!
Lots of what you are describing could have been my baby. At her worst point she was waking ten times in the night; this was around two or three months ago. I was certain we’d never get her in her cot and had actually made peace with it. Once she outgrew her next to me and was in our bed permanently, for various reasons it wasn’t working well anymore and we decided to make some small changes.
First, we moved the big cot into our room, taking one side off and pushing it up right next to our bed on my side. Do you have the space to try this? We made sure the mattresses were level and I pushed the cot mattress tightly against ours, then put rolled up beach towels on the far side of the cot mattress, in between it and the cot frame. Essentially, my baby thought she was in bed with me, but she wasn’t. This was the first step to getting her out of our bed.
This then stopped working once she could pull herself up to stand, as I felt it wasn’t safe anymore and was worried that she might wake without me hearing her and fall out. We then lowered the cot mattress and put the cot side back up, but kept the cot next to our bed. By this point we had been putting her down awake and she was able to fall asleep by herself, albeit with one of us in the room with her (previously I’d had to feed her to sleep then roll away!)
The first night we tried putting her in her cot with the side up, there were tears and she ended up back in our bed. But we persevered the next night and she now takes all her naps in the cot when we are at home and goes to bed at night in her cot. She wakes on average three times in the night now and nearly always remains in our bed after this point, as it’s the transfer that is tricky, if she has fallen asleep feeding in bed with me. We will work on it once I feel she’s ready (probably once we get the wakings down to one or two).
My main advice is, do what works now. We too had to use a sling for naps for a couple of months and it was VERY HARD. You are doing brilliantly. I am also a first time mum and it’s so difficult thinking that you have done something ‘wrong’ with their sleep. I now firmly believe that this is rubbish, we can only parent the babies we have and not the ones in the books. You are doing what your baby needs and it’s certainly not easy, but give yourself a pat on the back for meeting his needs. For what it’s worth, my baby is so much happier now that she is sitting up and crawling. She was extremely fussy at around seven/eight months and also would not entertain being held by anyone other than my husband or I. For me it was the most difficult period so far, but it has got so much better. He will be out of your bed eventually, you can support him gently but try not to stress about it. I read an excellent La Leche League book called Sweet Sleep which really put the bed sharing in perspective for me, with lots of information on how to do it safely.
Finally, once I was pretty sure my baby wasn’t hungry in the night and knew that she was probably waking for comfort, I told myself that I wouldn’t feed her anymore than three times. This was hard but I was amazed at how quickly she adapted. Essentially I picked three times, three hours apart (10:00, 1:00 and 4:00) and if she woke before these times she had to wait. I never let her cry alone, but would lay next to her (or my husband would) and stroke her back/tummy/hair. The longest she ever cried for was 15 minutes and I was honestly speechless. I thought she’d cry and cry until I ‘gave in’. It helped that my husband did some of this resettling, so if this is an option for you too then I would recommend. She now rarely wakes before 10:30 so we have our evenings back!
Apologies for the very long reply, but I have lots to say on this topic and was so desperate a couple of months ago. In short, a big well done to you and things really do get better, you’re in the thick of it now but what a lucky baby he is.