Is it possible to cosleep with toddler AND newborn?

[TheCaretakerNadine]

Hi all

We have a 5week old baby and a 2yr old toddler. Toddler goes to sleep fine in his own room with our support, but wakes around 5 times throughout the night.

In an ideal world, Id love DH to take over toddler sleep at night, but DH doesnt deal well with tiredness compared to me, and works extremely long hours and has always had an issue with his own poor quality of sleep too.

Every attempt to sleep train the toddler where I am happy to take the lead ends in shambles as DH is too exhausted to look after newborn so I can do a gradual approach with toddler.

I am so tempted to cosleep safely with toddler and newborn but toddler is used to his room now- he has a double floor bed.

potential solution: Baby and I could move in to toddlers room, baby can sleep on floor next to floor bed on a mattress.

Im at my whits end, desperate, exhausted and need a solution. All this is having a physical effect on my body- bp is raised, I'm breaking out etc.

Has anyone else done this Cosleeping with both? Or is it best to try harder to get the toddler to sleep overnight without waking?

I did with a 3yo and the new baby from 2 weeks, once she'd gotten to grips with breastfeeding. I co sleep with ds because he's still up at night for high calorie milk (health issues). It's a work in progress. It was worrying for me to start with and I slept very lightly for a long time.

It's worked fine for us (excluding sickness, d&v), because dd is a good sleeper, was never noisy at night, just wanted her milk. Ds was old enough to keep quiet and understand he had to stay on his side (I am obviously in the middle). We had a double floor mattress and the cot mattress next to me for dd.

I am now slowly weaning her off of me aged 2, mainly because I have to go on a work trip for several nights at the end of the year. For her it's all about the breastfeeding, she's obsessed. I've no doubt she'll be fine in her own bed, alone, once that's stopped. Ds is now 5, his health issues continue, so we're still floor bedding. Dp stays with him when I need more rest, or when one of them is sick, and dd stays in her bed with me.

My dp is like yours, so he takes on most of the cleaning, all cooking, etc. So I do the bulk of the nights, but I often sleep in in the morning a bit while he preps for school and nursery drop offs. For us, it's been key for our relationship to be flexible about this, playing to our strengths.

Ok, so he requires requires presence but not active intervention, goes to sleep quickly and will accept either you or DH.

Does sound like disappearing chair would work well. Personally I'm a bit short on patience at bedtime for that... would you consider a "disappearing bed" modification?

If you have space, you could put a single bed next to your child's bed. Whoever is settling him gives him a cuddle, but then moves onto the other bed before he is asleep. DH could then sleep there overnigt I'm not saying he has to stay from bed time, but from first waking i.e. you repeat yhe bedtime quick cuddle then lie on separate bed. My DH did something similar with one of my boys. He got a perfectly good night's sleep and DS slept too. After a week he moved the beds apart. If DS woke in the night he could still hear daddy breathing just as when he went to sleep. DH did that for about a month I think, and DS very rarely woke him. When DH stopped sleeping there, a left the bed there for a good couple of months.....

Does depend on getting your DH on board though.

This sounds good. But there is no space in the room for that as toddler has a double floor bed.

I had a similar age gap. What worked quite well was I was with the baby and dh and the toddler slept in the spare room once he had woken (they’d go to bed in their own beds but the toddler would wake 1-2am). Fortunately they’d both drift off fairly soon after that so it was sustainable for dh (who had a stressful job at the time)

i don’t think I would have slept at all if I coslept with 2. One was ok.

however at 2 and a bit we sleep trained the older one. One absolutely awful night, two bad nights and he’s been a dream ever since. That was 8 years ago.

Can you swap double floor bed for two single matresses?

I think if you co-sleep with toddler, baby needs to be in a cot, I really wouldn't be comfortable with a toddler roaming around the same bed as a newborn.

Have you not got a cot for newborn?

I was still co sleeping with my toddler when dc2 born. Newborn in next to me cot, then me, then toddler in my bed. Then I started carrying him through to his bedroom when he was asleep. If he woke in night and came into my room I let him in. Eventually I'd start settling him into his bed lying next to him and sneaking out once he was asleep (single bed with bed guard). If he woke in night I lay next to him and cuddled him til he fell asleep then sneaked out again. I'm not gona lie felt like I was doing bed table tennis back and forth for a few months but toddler started sleeping longer and never asks to come in my bed now, made a bit fuss of "big boy bedroom".

Moved dc2 into my bed once he turned 6 months. There's no way I'd be on the floor in a toddlers room with a newborn.

Partner was working nights and not living with us at time so I had no help either. Apart from on his days off he could be with one while I settled other to sleep.

Just read update toddler got double floor bed. Baby in cot, once asleep lie down with toddler cuddle to sleep sneak out. Continue over and over. Its slightly harder work initially because of all the back and forth but I can't see sleep training working, didn't for me. Mine felt so much more secure with me cuddling him to sleep that he stopped waking. Also replace you with a Teddy when you sneak out that can help