Help! 12 month old sleep - reached my breaking point…

ShutterHaze · 2024-03-10T20:34:05+00:00

Can anyone relate to the following and provide any guidance? I have a 12MO DD. Sleep has been up and down her whole life but mostly fairly bad. She’s fairly low sleep needs - been on one nap a day since around 9 months. Been breastfed since birth, although currently BF anywhere between zero and two times in the day time depending on work. If twice, would usually be first thing in the morning and before her bath in the evening. Currently she is rocked to sleep very easily and put in cot asleep (won’t self settle). She then sleeps from 8pm to somewhere between midnight and 2am she’s fed to sleep at that point and it’s hit and miss as to whether I can get her back down in her cot. If I can’t, I bring her into our bed but she will still wake up another couple of times or so and I’ll feed her again out of exhaustion. It’s hit and miss as to whether my husband can get her down without me feeding her. Sometimes she’s wide awake for the wake up and is taking 1-2 hours to get back down. It feels like she’s attached to my boob all night sometimes and it’s really getting to me. She’s slept through/slept with one wake up and a resettling by rocking a handful of times so I know she doesn’t need the milk overnight. My dream scenario would be for her to sleep through (obviously 😂) or at the very least be able to settle her in the night once and quickly. I don’t want to co-sleep and I feel like I’m ready to stop BF too. However, I can’t do Ferber/CC (just not right for my little one) and want to be kind to her. She doesn’t seem to respond to shushing/patting in her cot or lying down next to her which seems to work for some people. I feel like I just need a plan to follow for when I’m exhausted in the middle of the night but need to start laying the groundwork for things to get better. Well done and thank you if you’ve got to the end of this! Any tips?

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Rowen32 · 10/03/2024 20:46

I empathise. Can you try a comforter she can take back into cot with her? Something she's used to from playing with during the day that has your scent, that's close when you're feeding her?

PennyPencils · 10/03/2024 20:48

Hmm this isn't that different to our situation. DD is 15 months, only has boob at night to resettle now and sometimes a bottle as my supply almost non-existent now.
Bed 7:30 ISH
Wake anywhere from 11 to 1am
Then a few more times before up between 6:30 and 7:45

When. She wakes I bf her back off and nappy change the first time. Sometimes DP will manage to rock her back to sleep and she does go back in the cot never in out bed. I tried it and she doesn't settle just thrashes about so that wasn't helping anyone.

This doesn't help you I realise that but will be interested in seeing any advice as it may help us too.

Tired of being tired.

User1706 · 10/03/2024 21:22

I completely understand if you'd rather stop bf and this may sound odd but first thought when reading your post was she sounds like she's feeding a lot at night and very little in the day. Could you maybe try offering her a little more in the day? She will naturally want X amount of milk in a 24 hour period so it may just take the pressure off night times.

I found at about 12 months my sons separation anxiety kicked in so we ended up bed sharing. It got to a point where I just had to put up with a couple of days repeatedly putting him back in the cot, screaming, and repeat but it was worth it for long term gain.

Valencia8 · 10/03/2024 22:59

Hey, My boy use to have to be rocked to sleep in his pram before being put into his cot, many nights he would wake up and I’d have to take him downstairs and put him back in his pram to rock him back to sleep (sometimes it would take 3 hours to get him to sleep) I was told it was my fault, as like yourself, I’d never let him “cry it out in his cot” I think I’d caused him to be so use to the stimulations of either feeding or rocking to sleep that he hated being put down in his cot as it was unfamiliar. I then started putting him straight in his cot after his bath with a bottle but rocking his knees and adventually he’d fall asleep. It took awhile, a lot of arm ache and many tears from both me and him. But since he was 9 months old he’s gone to sleep without a fuss and now he’s quite happy to still be awake after finishing his bottle in his cot and just chill before he falls asleep. I think having a bedtime routine really helps, every night he has a bath and then gets into his pjs, our routine even has small things like letting him turn off the light! One of the best things I’ve purchased is a Bubzi sleep soother, I brought ours from Amazon, we have the elephant one! It’s a soft toy which plays many sounds, from lullabies to white noise, it also projects different coloured lights. It’s 100% been a major part in helping relax and let my boy feel comfortable in his bed.
Hope my experience helps!
All the best

Pondering89 · 10/03/2024 23:38

With respect OP, you have suggested you don’t want to sleep train, but if you’re trying to implement a plan that results in your DD sleeping all night or settling with minimal intervention, you want to sleep train.

There are less jarring sleep training methods than crying it out, such as the chair method or the fading method. Any form of change to your DDs routine is going to cause some level of upset and unless you are prepared to tackle the upset and teach her to self soothe, you’re just going to have to ride out.

FWIW I did controlled crying with my DD. It only took a couple of nights and has slept right through ever since.

Original poster

ShutterHaze · 12/03/2024 00:32

Rowen32 · 10/03/2024 20:46

I empathise. Can you try a comforter she can take back into cot with her? Something she's used to from playing with during the day that has your scent, that's close when you're feeding her?

I’ve never really tried a comforter - I’ll give it a go, thanks!

OP posts:

Original poster

ShutterHaze · 12/03/2024 00:35

PennyPencils · 10/03/2024 20:48

Hmm this isn't that different to our situation. DD is 15 months, only has boob at night to resettle now and sometimes a bottle as my supply almost non-existent now.
Bed 7:30 ISH
Wake anywhere from 11 to 1am
Then a few more times before up between 6:30 and 7:45

When. She wakes I bf her back off and nappy change the first time. Sometimes DP will manage to rock her back to sleep and she does go back in the cot never in out bed. I tried it and she doesn't settle just thrashes about so that wasn't helping anyone.

This doesn't help you I realise that but will be interested in seeing any advice as it may help us too.

Tired of being tired.

It’s exhausting isn't it, and doesn’t feel at all sustainable. Fingers crossed we both find something that works soon!

OP posts:

Original poster

ShutterHaze · 12/03/2024 00:38

User1706 · 10/03/2024 21:22

I completely understand if you'd rather stop bf and this may sound odd but first thought when reading your post was she sounds like she's feeding a lot at night and very little in the day. Could you maybe try offering her a little more in the day? She will naturally want X amount of milk in a 24 hour period so it may just take the pressure off night times.

I found at about 12 months my sons separation anxiety kicked in so we ended up bed sharing. It got to a point where I just had to put up with a couple of days repeatedly putting him back in the cot, screaming, and repeat but it was worth it for long term gain.

Yeah that’s a fair point. I can’t feed more during the day when I’m at work, but we’re trying to make sure she’s got sufficient cow’s milk and food to fill her.

Separation anxiety is definitely playing a part - she’s just started nursery and I’m back at work 4 days a week. When you say you persisted with putting your son in his cot, was that awake or asleep? Any details (including any techniques) would be very welcome!

OP posts:

Original poster

ShutterHaze · 12/03/2024 00:40

Valencia8 · 10/03/2024 22:59

Hey, My boy use to have to be rocked to sleep in his pram before being put into his cot, many nights he would wake up and I’d have to take him downstairs and put him back in his pram to rock him back to sleep (sometimes it would take 3 hours to get him to sleep) I was told it was my fault, as like yourself, I’d never let him “cry it out in his cot” I think I’d caused him to be so use to the stimulations of either feeding or rocking to sleep that he hated being put down in his cot as it was unfamiliar. I then started putting him straight in his cot after his bath with a bottle but rocking his knees and adventually he’d fall asleep. It took awhile, a lot of arm ache and many tears from both me and him. But since he was 9 months old he’s gone to sleep without a fuss and now he’s quite happy to still be awake after finishing his bottle in his cot and just chill before he falls asleep. I think having a bedtime routine really helps, every night he has a bath and then gets into his pjs, our routine even has small things like letting him turn off the light! One of the best things I’ve purchased is a Bubzi sleep soother, I brought ours from Amazon, we have the elephant one! It’s a soft toy which plays many sounds, from lullabies to white noise, it also projects different coloured lights. It’s 100% been a major part in helping relax and let my boy feel comfortable in his bed.
Hope my experience helps!
All the best

That’s really helpful - thank you! I’ll try and implement some of this where I’m not already

OP posts:

Original poster

ShutterHaze · 12/03/2024 00:44

Pondering89 · 10/03/2024 23:38

With respect OP, you have suggested you don’t want to sleep train, but if you’re trying to implement a plan that results in your DD sleeping all night or settling with minimal intervention, you want to sleep train.

There are less jarring sleep training methods than crying it out, such as the chair method or the fading method. Any form of change to your DDs routine is going to cause some level of upset and unless you are prepared to tackle the upset and teach her to self soothe, you’re just going to have to ride out.

FWIW I did controlled crying with my DD. It only took a couple of nights and has slept right through ever since.

I get your point. Whilst I’ve said I don’t want to do CC, I completely accept that what I’m asking for is sleep training techniques and there’s no easy way to change what we’re currently doing. I’m struggling to pick and implement a plan that’s effective, but also feels right for DD. I’m at risk of just continuing the status quo which doesn’t feel sustainable…

OP posts:

User1706 · 12/03/2024 06:57

@ShutterHaze I normally just picked a night when I knew I felt up to having broken sleep, normally a Friday or me as my husband would help on Saturday mornings. Then when my son woke id feed him in his bedroom with white noise on and when he drifted I'd lie him in the cot. He'd normally start crying so I'd pick him up repeat and just not give in and eventually he'd give in. I didn't feed him everytime it would sometimes be a cuddle of a rock.

Nothing special I'm afraid I think the main thing is just pick a time you feel strong enough to be persistent. Prepare for a few rough nights but I found it was normally no more than 3 tops with my son.