FTM to newborn

[IVFfirsttimer91]

Looking for advice as to what is ‘normal’ it’s our second day home and my daughter does not like to sleep in her next to me, she will happily sleep if being cuddled by me or DP and will snooze in her swing, but at night time she does not want to be put down and just cries and cries.

She was only born on Wednesday and slept fine in the next to me at the hospital. What are we doing wrong at home?

Any advice would be really appreciated, I had a long and horrible labour ending in a c section and haven’t slept more than an hour or two a day/night since I was admitted into hospital on Saturday.

Is it normal for her to not sleep in her own bed at this stage? Or does anyone have any advice.

thanks so much

You aren’t doing anything wrong this is normal. It’s super tough. Congratulations on your new baby. What eventually worked for us after weeks of being unable to put baby down was a love to dream swaddle up sleeping bag. Our baby however still contact naps for daytime sleep as that only worked for nighttime but it was much more manageable.

Very very normal. My baby didn't sleep in his next to me until he was about 10 days+. It's a tricky time but we got through it by having a rota with DH and anyone else around to get some sleep. It's really natural for baby to want to be close to you.
Be kind to yourself! It won't last forever.

Sorry to say-normal. It’s brutal for sleep! Congratulations.

Normal.

Swaddling and hot water bottle to warm net to me helps.
Also rolled cellular blankets along back or tummy.
Its also practice/ getting them used to it.

We didnt persist with putting dd down and held her... for 4.5m!!! Ds sleeps solo since day 1 as i wasnt putting up with it a 2nd time

It depends what you want some women love contact naps... i loved being able to pee whenever i wanted and napping myself.
Ds is still newborn i do the odd contact nap for cuddles but mostly go about my business

Congratulations on the birth of your lovely daughter @IVFfirsttimer91 ❤️

You’re definitely not doing anything wrong. She’s spent the last 9 months cosy and warm and listening to your heartbeat and now she’s out in the big wide world. She just wants to be close to you 😊 The newborn sleep phase is very tough but I promise it will get easier.

Im sorry you had a tough delivery 💐 It’s important that you try and get as much rest as you can (easier said than done, I know!) to make sure you heal well.
In the very early days, DP and I found it was easier to take turns at being up comforting our DS while the other got a few hours sleep.

normal! Congratulations on your lovely new baby xx

Now you’ve just taken it too far

Hey, i would move her crib right next to your side of the bed, if you have the means, financially or if not remove the side of the crib that is next to the bed..so you can sleep with her safely and if you are breastfeeding its brilliant, if she wakes just reach over feed her and you can even fall asleep with her next to you, i used to find that my girl had a tiny feed just for comfort then went back to sleep. its entirely truth your baby will desire to be next to you, every creature on the planet does this for their young, what animal sleeps separate from their newborn? none...it is a modern disconnection that is the narrative..the best advice my sister gave me, she bottle fed, cant blame her second time with twins....when you want to go to bed to sleep, no matter what time you fed or put your baby to sleep, wake them up and feed them...even wiggle them a bit at a time to take the feed, then you are pretty much assured of a few hours kip...your baby girl had a traumatic birth, she was ripped out of you...for at least a month you are top priority. not the baby, you. so you do what you need to do to make your life as easy as possible..no housework, no feeding everyone, no laundry, you sleep every moment you get..so i see go to bed anytime of the day with her next you...a very safe way to do it, is lay down place a small pillow at your side place her next to so she could feed, if youre breastfeeding...and a rolled up blanket behing her...have you heard of swaddling? its old skool, i dont care what current medical views are, but look it up..swaddled and kept warm...in the first month just imagine a female of our species whos spent nine months of the loneliest time of her life, now with a new human being to look after, spend your days lazing, gazing into her eyes, talking constantly to her, every word you speak is actually just a vibration of energy, so she may not yet understand the word meaning but she will feel the vibe...what if her difficulty with the separation is because she feels you? your need for connection? after a difficult birth...a good walk in a pram, fresh air always helps settle babies, use frequency music at bedtime, set a routine, a bath with a dilute of lavender essential oil...human beings are the least evolved species on the planet, our offspring stay with their parents the longest of all...shows how young a species we are...imagine her,,,shes been protected inside of you, hearing and feeling everything from you, now she can only get that by being with you...a new being in a world that is brand new and full of new sounds, smells etc...be with her,,,do exactly what you feel is right...anytime hunny bunny...xxx

Congratulations on your baby. C section recovery can be brutal but in my experience it quickly got a lot better after the first 8-9 days.

My baby also wouldn't sleep in her next to me at first. It was several weeks before she finally allowed me to start putting her in there asleep. It's normal but very difficult.

I would recommend taking shifts with your partner if you can. I would go to bed by myself from 8pm to around midnight to get a solid 4 hours in before starting the night shift and he would then go and sleep in a different room after a difficult evening dealing with the witching hours by himself. If you aren't breastfeeding you could push that a bit later, depending on when your partner needs to get up/has work the next day.

Good luck op, it will get easier!

Congratulations on your new baby! I agree with previous posters that this sounds completely normal (and I think it’s also really normal to find it very tough). If you haven’t already, I’d recommend doing some reading online about the fourth trimester - it helped us to understand more about what was going on. When we did start trying to move our newborn into her next to me it helped if we warmed it a little bit with a hot water bottle first.

Writing this with a newborn baby on my chest at 4.30 am! You aren't alone. This is my second baby and I am having the same experience. Something I've learned this time is that pretty much all babies sleep through that first 24hours beautifully. They are tired from birth and not hungry yet. So it wasn't a case of you doing something right in the first 24hrs that you are doing wrong now. My husband was very smug about how well she slept that first night but all hell broke loose on night 2! These first few weeks are chaos. You just need to get through it as well as you can and if you want little one in the crib, just keep trying and keep your expectations low. There are lots of good suggestions from pps. Over the next couple of weeks you'll start to see more of a pattern of sleep emerging and that will make everything a bit easier to deal with (and hopefully eventually become sleeping through the night). The thing about babies is that they change constantly, it can be really frustrating because you think you have the hang of things then nothing works anymore but...it also means that the harder bits don't last long.

Thanks for the replies everyone!

I really appreciate all of you taking the time to comment. It was another tough one last night but DP took her downstairs at 5 and brought her up to feed so I have had a few hours of good sleep and am feeling better.