Baby cannot sleep without me / boob

[Maybug12]

Hello,

I'm looking for some advice regarding my nearly 6 month old.
He is breastfed, and he has never, since the day he was born, been able to sleep unless physically touching me. I kept being told about forth trimester etc etc and he would eventually grow out of it but he never has. He's never napped independently either and all have been contact napping.
I have tried to put him in his bed every night, I think the longest we have ever got is about an hour with him in there, but currently I can't even put him down for a minute without him instantly waking and hysterically screaming until he's back on me and the boob.
Throughout the night he's basically started using me as a dummy as well so I'm barely getting any sleep as I'm just sooo uncomfortable unable to move through out the night - he won't take an actual dummy either.
Has anyone got any suggestions? Do I need to stop breastfeeding and start on formula instead?
I'm so tired and it's really affecting me mentally come the evenings as I literally do not have a second to myself.
I have an 8 year old who it's also affecting my general patience is wearing thin through exhaustion and hard to spend quality time with him too.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated....

This sounds really really tough - I absolutely feel you!
My DD was the same, I know it probably doesn’t help you right now but your baby’s behaviour is completely normal. There is a lot of pressure to get baby sleeping in own room and self settling etc. but really for a lot of LOs it’s impossible for them to do so early in their lives. I don’t mean to patronise, just normalise really.
My DD is 13 months old and it’s only in last few months I’ve been able to get her to sleep on the bed and sneak out to do things (she’s still breastfed to sleep! And never taken a dummy!) and nights aren’t much better. We have occasional good spurts but as soon as she’s sick, teething or going through something developmentally we are back to tricky nights!
I bed share (floor bed) and occasionally can roll out and sleep in a second bed next to the bed she’s in but again not always.
If you have to continue bed sharing I would suggest bolstering your back with pillows so you can get more comfy. Get a knee pillow if that helps too.
Have you got any help in the day? Can someone take the baby for a couple of hours so you can get some rest? This always helps me!
If you want to move away from bed sharing look at floor beds to roll out from if that’s an option?
Sorry I can’t be more help… I’m here in solidarity though!!

This is completely normal, but also very hard to change without sleep training. We sleep trained at 6 months with each baby. Note - sleep training doesn't mean 'leave baby to cry', there are many methods to consider, gradual retreat etc.

My eldest was like this. Neither of her 3 siblings were though! It's nothing you've done wrong, some babies just do NOT like to be put down. I found it gradually got better from 10 month onward. Many babies just don't link sleep cycles before that age so will fully wake any time they enter light sleep.

Changing to formula might help, but it might not. My friend had 3 boys, eldest 2 exclusively bottle, 3rd one she mix fed and was by far the best sleeper.

What helped me was getting some time to myself during the day as I couldn't bave it in the evenings. DD would nod off in the pram and wake 28.5 minutes later.... But at least I got 28.5 minutes several times a day! And after 10 months at would wake at 28.5 minutes but if I carried on walking she would nod off again within 5 minutes and then sleep for 2 hours while i had her parked in the garden. By 14 months she linked the cycles properly - she'd be asleep in the pram by the time we got to the gate and I wouldn't hear a peep for 2hr15mins. Bliss.

You can of course sleep train. I have to admit it's my preference not to, haven't bothered so far and probably won't with DC4 either (although she's currently totally resisting all non-contact naps and weighs a tonne so i might well change my mind!). Lots of people do it and it speeds the process along, which means getting sleep for you sooner. If you don't, you will still get sleep but you might have to put up with this for a while.

Whatever you choose, good luck!