My baby will not self soothe HELP

[hm4912]

I am at my wits end. My 9 month old is usually rocked to sleep and put down in her crib. The past few weeks as soon as we put her down, she sits bolt right up in bed and stands up (for nap times and bed times). I have left her to self soothe as she isn’t crying or anything, had to go in a few times to replace the dummy but gave 0 eye contact and made it quick. We are currently 2 hours in and she’s still not asleep. She lies down and I think she is going to drop off, then she’s up again. I know she is tired because this is the time she will usually sleep. PLEASE HELP!

That sounds completely normal. A 9 month old can't do anything for itself so expecting it to meet its own needs and "self soothe" is a bit too much to ask!

Are you in the UK and just trying to get her to have a nap? If so I would just get her up and go about your day and try and put her to bed early. Even if she normally naps well she might just not be tired today.

I know we get told we have to teach them to self soothe. And if that’s what you want to do I think consistency and perseverance is key.
Personally I would just go in and rock her to sleep. My 12 month old still can’t self soothe and is fed or rocked to sleep still. I figure she will learn one day but at the moment she needs support and help to do so. I am ok with this but I completely understand why others may want to encourage the self soothing.
Im sure others will be along with helpful tips on how to do it but I just wanted to respond and normalise your baby’s behaviour. It’s normal for them to still need help with sleep at this age.
Good luck and I hope it gets easier!! X

Yeah and if you are in the UK, I would probably get her up and just put her down to bed early (expect to have to rock though as she will probably be overtired and need help!)

You've spent TWO HOURS trying to get your baby to "self soothe" themselves to sleep? Bloody hell, what a waste of time!!

Get her up, and go get her a snack and play with her.

In future, support your baby to sleep however she needs it for both of your sanity. She will grow out of needing to be rocked or fed etc when the time is right.

Thanks for your helpful advice. The point of my post was that I am happy to rock her to sleep usually and have been for the past 9 months, however as soon as I put her down she is waking up, so I’m at a loss what to do as either way she isn’t sleeping - which isn’t fun for any of us.

Thankyou for your message. It’s just that she starts nursery soon and I am worried that she won’t nap there as she is so used to having me soothe her to sleep. I’m sure she will get used to it though. X

How many naps is she having? She might be dropping a nap. I’d get her up and look for tired signs before trying again.

Is standing up in her cot a new milestone? If so, you'll probably find that it settles down again in a few weeks when it isn't such a new 'trick'.

Other than that, I'd keep up with it, especially as she isn't crying. I'd just make sure she isn't then napping too late or like pp said, ready to drop a nap.

Nursery have magic powers, dont sweat it. My LO is now 28 months, has slept well at nursery from 11 months. I dont know how they do it with a room full of babies.
Still doesn't "self soothe" at home for naps or bedtime, nor for the days she is with grandparents. She still needs support from us to go to sleep.

Self soothe as you put it is developmental. My toddler still needs me to go to sleep. You're expecting loads from a baby here. Just meet her needs and ditch the expectations.

Many babies simply don't know how to self soothe particularly at that age. Also there's a separation anxiety leap around 8.5/9 months that can affect sleep, that might be doing some. And absolutely do not worry about nursery - she'll sleep there brilliantly! As PP says, they're magicians.

Haven’t RTFT but please don’t worry. DD is 14mths and still breastfed, so usually fed to sleep and will sometimes still have contact naps. She started nursery at 1 and naps like an absolute champ with them. It took a few weeks for her to settle but now she’ll regularly nap for a couple of hours at a time.

X

It's developmental. DC haven't read the Self Soothing manual. Just do what you need to do to get through the day with neither of you pulling your hair out.

I wouldn't worry about nursery, they always behave totally differently there. At home my son would only nap in the buggy, at nursery they somehow got him to sleep on a mat on the floor.

Sounds like a developmental leap. What’s her current nap routine?