Advice for 12-week old Sleep

[mykingdomforsomesleep]

Hi, all.

Looking for some advice as my OH and I are exhausted and running out of steam. LO is 12 weeks and since birth will only fall sleep on OH or me. They've probably "slept" a total of about 3 hours in the next to me or moses basket combined in the 12 weeks. The second we put LO down in either the next-to-me or moses basket, asleep or drowsy, they're wide awake. They don't cry straight away but they work themselves up if we try to leave them to self soothe, then the process starts again. We've spent hours soothing them, putting them back down in the hope it'll eventually click but no luck.

NHS guidance is very vague in "putting them down awake but calm", it just doesn't seem to work.

We're reluctant to let them "cry it out", sleep sacks don't seem to make much difference, they can roll from front to back so can't swaddle, not interested in dummies.

They also only sleep in short bursts (40 minutes or so at a time) before waking again. LO has only slept around 4 hours today :(

I don't mean to but I keep falling asleep with LO feeding and I'm terrified I'm going to wake up and something awful has happened.

Any advice would be very welcome.

Thanks,

Very sleepy mummy

Gina Ford - but everyone on here hates it.

Not heard of Gina Ford, I can see why some people might not like it after a quick search but will take a closer look.

Thank you.

You poor thing. We had an unputdownable (now a word!) DS as well. Everyone on here recommended co-sleeping but he just would not sleep unless he was actually ON one of us. Sheer hell.

This worked

https://purflo.com/the-sleep-tight-baby-bed/?gadsource=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMImmDw9-T-gwMVP49QBh0p7gKGEAAYASAAEgKsovDBwE

1. Making the Moses basket/cot warm (hot water bottle beforehand but not with baby.)
2. Music - Norah Jones! Other soft jazz.
3. Taking out in pram or car. - so that you can get a few hours!

Thank you :) We'll take a closer look at those!

Thank you for the suggestions. We've tried white noise and OH has been walking with LO in the pram sometimes hours at a time, always seems to wake up as soon as they get home though!

I can see why some people might not like it after a quick search

It's just routine based & not everyone wants that level of organisation. It worked with both mine & we followed it most of the time but not rigidly. It pre-empts hunger & tiredness & so they cry less because they're never over hungry or over tired. I really needed to get mine sleeping for my own sanity & I was back quite quickly to work.

I'll second making sure the moses basket/ next to me is warm, it really made a difference with my dc that only wanted to contact sleep.

You might as well do safe co sleeping practices if there's any risk of you falling asleep with DC on you. I was just like you then started co sleeping, not perfect but better than walking up and down all night.

You say the baby can roll and is 12 weeks, from about 4 months the risk of sids eases off.

To put in a cot, warm sheet as pp said, something that smells of you to go under baby (sheet under your t shirt for a bit) and put baby down after a tortuously long time, not as soon as asleep but after 5 mins or so when they kind of go a bit floppy and slack, it's a sign of deeper sleep. I used co sleeper and transferred across, always imagined I was sliding a pizza into an oven!

Hand on baby's tummy with light pressure for a little while then gently withdraw, makes them feel like they're still held.

On really desperate nights I used soft sling, propped myself up on pillows so I couldn't move/roll and slept that way.

It's absolute hell but you'll get through it. I remember the first stretch of 4 or 5 hours after about 7 months and I felt like I'd had a week's holiday!

OH and I are quite organised (or try to be!). The NHS put the fear of God into us though about baby brain development and not upsetting them too much so we definitely overthink things that have the potential to upset LO. We got very vague answers when we asked about LO's fussing.. seems like everyone is making it up as they go along! Even the professionals it feels like.

You can also do dream feed - say baby sleeps 2 hour stretches, about two hours in you feed baby without waking her/him, might just feed without fully waking and straight back to sleep.

We used to warm up the mattress with a hot water bottle before putting baby down and that helped with the transition from leaving the warmth of our bodies.

Is your LO breastfed? One of the things that made a huge difference for my breastfed baby was to actually give him a big bottle of formula before bed. It helped to stop the snacking type behaviour and baby would finally sleep for a few hours before wanting feeding again.

Good luck. It will get better x

Thanks! We're a bit paranoid about overheating LO as well.. probably sounds silly given the recent temperatures though!

Yes of course you can't leave a 12 week old to cry. For us, cosleeping saved us - not on top of you, that way madness lies, but next to you, with only the mother next to the baby. It's so much easier, they sleep much better and can be done safely if following the lullaby trust guidance.

The NHS put the fear of God into us though about baby brain development and not upsetting them too much so we definitely overthink things that have the potential to upset LO.

Mine were not upset & didn't cry or fuss much. I never left them at night if they woke up. Because it's so routine based they get used to it. They rarely woke at night unless they were teething or unwell. If it makes sense you feed them at set times so they don't cry due to being hungry & same with sleep. They don't cry from over tiredness because they are going to bed same time every night. I think people who don't support routine based baby rearing think that babies are left alone to cry themselves to sleep.

I agree with doing this too

Also rolling towels like sausages around the edges of moses basket

I remember at that age transferring ds into his next to me while he was fast asleep but still latched. I would hover him over it for ages counting his breathing pattern and knowing when he was asleep deep enough to gently slide him into his bed when his mouth opened slightly