Parents of two year olds please talk to me

[StealthPolarBear]

How do they sleep? Honestly?
DS is coming up 1 and has had good and bad periods but overall it has been OK from quite a young age - I always got the impression that if he woke it was because he needed to, then he would go back to sleep.
Well since a cold about a month ago he has never got back into a good sleeping pattern. He goes to sleep fine at about 8.30. He then usually stirs once before we go back to bed and needs feeding to sleep again. He then wakes at about 2 has a feed and refuses to go back in his cot. At this point I give up and bring him into our bed.
I don't particularly want advice unless someone has an instant, magic solution, and I'm not prepared to leave him crying - tried it and we all hated it. I just want to know, how did/does your LO sleep at 2yo, and what have you had to do to make it that way??

DS sleeps very well (6pm - 7am) but he does have his moments especially after a bout of illness. He gets into habits quite quickly - including bad ones

If he starts waking up in the night I go in, reassure him and walk out again. I won't pick him up or bring him into to our bed. I also wouldn't leave him to cry but I do try minimal contact IYSWIM. It does work for us

He sleeps well, but I have had to do a fair amount of ignoring furious shrieking to make it so.

they get to a certain age/stage (and that varies between children) when crying is not always distress. Often it is anger and bordom, and I'm afraid I don't care how bored my children are at 2am, it's not my job to stimulate them then.

Yes, his crying does seem to be frustration.
If he's standing up when you go in do you lie him down? I think I'd be doing that for hours on end.
(I don't want advice...now I'm asking for it! ) It would seem so much easier if I was confident in 6 months it would have got better and in a year I'd be sleeping well!

Have to agree with antiflounce - being harsh perhaps, but I am a much nicer mummy if I've had sleep and it doesn't do any of us any good if nobody has slept. I do controlled crying of sorts (although much earlier than 2yrs) 2 of mine really needed to be persuaded that night time was for sleeping and not for bfing, mucking about or generally being 'cute and cooing' at me - lovely but just not right now thanks!

If they're standing up, lie them down, if they then get straight back up again I don't bother lying them down again. I used to find my ds asleep sitting in the corner and then lay him down. He stopped doing it though after a few mights and then enjoyed bed times/night time waking a whole lot more.

right so maybe I need to be feeding if he needs feeding and just reassuring if he doesn't? But it makes for an easier life all round if I just bring him into our bed...kind of

I went through a horrendous stage when ds1 was about 14 months old, when he realised that I didn't go to bed at the same time as him, and he wanted to get up and play. At 12 midnight. And actually, that's not a need, and I don't need to meet it! I meet their needs for comfort, I am always there, they are never left to0 scream in fear/distress/pain/loneliness, but screaming in anger and frustration at not being played with is just not going to make me sit up and play.

I dealt with it by going in, lying child down, and saying shhhhhh sleep.

And doing it again, and again, and again. Light time is the right time, when it's dark it's not playtime.

Our DS was a brilliant sleeper from an early age, earning us the rabid hatred of our friends ...now, at 2.9, he's much worse. He wakes up several times a night and wants attention so he comes up with all kinds of plausible needs, like his top is itchy and needs changing, he needs a wee etc - things you can't just ignore [hmmm] Like McDreamy we try to keep it minimal and boring for him and just keep calmly repeating that it is nighttime and bedtime - there is no option of getting up or coming in with us. He also has a frog-shaped cooking timer that often helps him get back sleep - we put it on and say he can call for us again if he's still awake when it goes off. He goes to sleep and we sneak in and switch it off.

We have been successfully using the dark argument all winter Flounce - "wake up when the sun comes back". Now we're in the sh*t as he's noticed it actually isn't dark any more - "It's light mummy, light outside now, time to get up!!!" aaaarrgggh

My ds is nearly 3 and has never slept well. My dh and I start the night in the same bed but in the morning one of us is in the spare room with ds. (Usually my dh)
We do moan about it but we actually quite like sleeping with ds. We know he'll grow out of it one day
We are moving in a couplle of months time (hopefully) so we think we might try to instill (sp) new rules soon after that

Thanks everyone
I need to start the "It's sleep time, sleep now" thing
Keep them coming

bump

My 2.5 yo has just decided he is scared of the dark and doesn't want his door closed, after having always slept in a dark room with the door closed. He has started having dreams recently too and talking of monsters. If he comes into my bed upset I tell him he can stay for a few minutes until he settles down but then I will take him back to his bed. To do otherwise I believe is to make a rod for your own back. With DC3 on the way I can't afford to react any other way. He doesn't turn up every night and this is a fairly recent phenomenon - may be related to this pregnancy. DS1 is 5 and he is a great sleeper. He will sometimes yell out he has had a bad dream and I will pop in for 2 secs give him a kiss and tell him everything is alright and away he goes. Both still have lengthy afternoon naps whenever they are at home with me and go to bed at 7.30 and get up around 7am.

DD1 was a terrible sleeper until about a year old. Since then it has got easier and easier. I did the gradually reducing attention thing to get her sleeping on her own straight through. I agree with you about not leting them cry it out, I just can't do it (and don't want to).

There are still occasions, every few months, where for a week she'll wake up at about 4am wanting to get up and start the day. Taking her into our bed is a nightmare as she wriggles so much and thinks it's playtime.

I find it easier to pull out the spare duvet, put it on the floor next to the cot and then ignore as much as I can. Constantly lying her down does work, but has only started to work since about 18 months. Often I end up sleeping with an arm through the cot bars.

Recently I read Elizabeth Pantely No cry sleep solution and wish I'd read it earlier. Some of it I ignored, but some made sense.

It DOES get better!

oh i just co sleep through the anger/boredom phase.

it doesn't last long and my sleep is too precious a thing to mess about with.

DS2 sleeps from 6-30pm/7pm until 6.30/6.50am.

He has an afternoon nap from about 12 to 2.45 and if he doesn't get it he wakes up at 9.30pm crying without fail.

My eldest son used to sleep 7-7

9-10ish
2-5pm

and be crying to go back at 7pm

Fj - honest Q here - how did you manage to ignore the battering, pulling your eyelids open etc?

because I did try to coslee4p with ds1 when he hit that "play with me at 3am" stage - and it was a nightmare.

Thanks everyone
Well out of desperation we let him cry himself to sleep last night, it was hell and took 2 hours

self pitying bump for some sympathy and reassurances it will be better tonight

Hows it going SPB?

LO is 2 year and 4 mths. I certainly don't get lie ins, hes up like a bloody lark between 5 and 6 as a rule but settles well at 7 p.m and not very often we hear from him after that unless we accidently make a noise and disturb him when we are off to bed ourselves.
I promised myself I would never be a dummy giver but it works for us (at night only) and thats what I give him if he does wake before the crack of dawn.
Chin up and work thru it, last year I was up at 4.30 most days, my son just doesn't do sleep so am relieved he now goes to around 5 - 6.
x x

ooh just noticed some sympathy posts!
Well would you believe since then

fingers crossed

holding a tree

eyes crossed

etc

he has slept OK. Not wonderfully, but in general 8.30 till 5, when we're happy for him to come into our bed (a couple of times he has woken before we go to bed, and on the 1st night he had a feed at 1am). I can more than cope with this.
So, anyone else in the same boat, there is hope!

Oh and he's ill at the moment and was still OK last night.
If he's still like this by next weekend we are going to open the champagne we've had since he was born