Hand holding at night

[Sleepymama20]

My little girl is 16 months and since she turned 10 months she's developed bad separation anxiety. She used to be able to sleep through the night occasionally, or at least be settled easily if she woke. Since 10 months she started waking up several times a night including one period where she was waking up hourly.

This is our dilemma, if I settle her in her bed she insists on holding my hand which is quite an awkward pose to hold for a long period of time - if I move away thinking she's sleep she'll wake up immediately.

We've tried co sleeping and she still insists on holding hands which again is so awkward when you're lying side by side. She plays with my hands as well so it feels like she's not properly asleep. I spend half the night feeling like a circus contortionist because she's moving my hands and arms so much so she can get comfortable. It's obviously lovely that she gets comfort from me but it's just not practical, as I can't get any sleep.

Has anyone been in this boat and managed to find a way for baby to settle themselves? For what it's worth, she's never taken to a dummy or comforter no matter how much we try!

Can you get her to hold one end of a blanket and you hold the other, or maybe try a fiddle toy

@DustyLee123 She's never taken to a comforter but I guess we can try a blanket....if we try and switch out my hand for a toy while she's sleep she definitely knows and starts moving around til she has my hand again. I'm worried she's going to wake up properly so have to give her my hand...this is why she hasn't spent a full night in her own room in 5 months - and now I'm at breaking point.

I'm up again now as the marathon hand searching/holding has begun. She's ok in the first half of the night - it's from around 2/3am that she's unsettled without my hand. This is separation anxiety right? Is this a phase or will it always be like this?

Also it's not like she's actually holding my hand per se, she seems unable to grasp properly so there's a lot of fiddling with my hand, digging her nails into me, digging under my nails - honestly have no idea what's going on!!!

She doesn't do this as much with DH, but she won't stay in her bed until she's with me holding hands...

I've not been through it (yet anyway!) but read somewhere that you can gradually wean her off it by putting something between your hand and hers, and sort of letting her have less and less of your hand, but more and more of whatever it is that you want to replace your hand with. Sounds mad but have you tried wearing a glove? then maybe you could slowly transition to something else fabric-y and soft. Or completely put her off holding your hand by wearing rubber gloves 😂 Sorry. Not much help, but I always think gradually is the way to do these things

@teksab that sounds helpful, I would do anything at this stage as it's just getting ridiculous now. We've had months of her not sleeping properly because she's searching for my hands. If I could chop my hand off I would!

Just had a torrid time putting her to sleep tonight, tried putting a comforter between us but she refused. She kept reaching for my hands while I was rocking her to sleep but I purposely withheld to see if she would fall asleep. She did, after a few tears but has now woken up after an hour and refusing to go to back to sleep.

Nothing ever seems to work and I wonder if I should just give in and hope at some point I will be able to sleep alone with my hands to myself. I don't even know how we would have more children as she is so demanding of me at night time. I thought the nights get easier as they get older but we're just at rock bottom now. Every month seems to get worse and worse.

On the comfort side of things, I have found having my son head down to be much easier to reach and comfort. So top and tailing.