12 month old just screams in cot

[EmLouLyo]

Hello wise ones,

desperately seeking some advice! My 12 MO has always found it tricky getting to sleep. He has had false starts almost every night of his life so far.

Over the past few months it’s got to the point where he’s waking after every 30/ 40 min sleep cycle for hours and hours, often until after midnight. Each one takes progressively longer to get him back to sleep. He then wakes once or twice in the night and generally goes back down easily.

We currently rock/ feed to sleep but this has become less and less effective over time too.

I decided to try some gentle sleep training to help him learn to settle himself but we can’t even begin to do it as he just seems to hate his cot. He screams and screams in it and gets progressively more worked up until he’s hysterical. This is with me there the whole time, stroking him, shushing him, kissing him etc. Everything I can find to read online just says to persist and he’ll give in eventually, but honestly, I don’t think he will until he’s traumatised and it’s making me cry seeing him so upset.

He naps okay during the day; generally 1.5- 2.5 hours over two naps. It doesn’t seem to make any difference what I do to daytime sleep/ wake windows.

Does anyone have any advice on how to start tackling this?

Thanks

What is his bed time and wake time?

Bed time is between 6:30 and 7 depending on when his nap finishes. Wake up between 7-8 but we often have to wake him at 8 as he’s so tired from being up so much the previous night.

I think some kids are waaay too strong willed to be sleep trained, both my two seem to have been anyway! If he's reliably waking every 30/40 minutes, I'd try 'wake to sleep' 5 mins or so before you expect him to wake up, worth a shot at least 🤞🙏

Does he nap in the cot during the day? How do you get him to sleep during the day? Do you have the same bedtime routine every day?

Is he calm before you put him in the cot? I've been doing some gentle sleep training with my 5 month old which involves putting him in the cot when he's been rubbing his eyes and fussing a bit. Then gently ssshing him, holding his arms gently down, firm pressure on his chest. Not allowing him to ramp up the crying and hysteria because then I just can't bring him back down!

https://thesleepcharity.org.uk/ are brilliant. Have a look at the children’s section of their website

We had to do controlled crying with DS1.
If we tried to stroke, sing, pat or be in the room with him he would be absolutely incensed.
I could almost hear him say "just fecking pick me up".

Instead after months of him waking up every 45 minutes and us and him losing our minds we left him to cry. First night 20 mins, second night 5, 3 night about 3 mins. He then slept through 7 -7 unless ill/teething.

Some on here actually as if he would have been traumatised by this. I can attest we were all so much happier, I was literally going insane on lack of sleep. DH and I weren't functioning, DS was grumpy and tired. After CC it was such a happier household.

Thanks @MikiSu

I’ve tried wake to sleep before. It worked perfectly the first time and I was thrilled, but then never worked again 😓

Yes, happy to nap in his cot during the day?! We feed/ rock to sleep then too and it seems to work.

Bedtime routine is consistent and ticks all the boxes it’s meant to. He’s calm all the time we’re holding him, but unless he’s completely asleep, he screams the second we even lower him into his cot. He literally goes from 0-100 in a second.

We’ve tried the gentle approach you mention above but he’s just hysterical all the time he’s in there. We’ve tried to ‘outlast’ him but can’t 😓

Thank you ☺️

We’ve tried that too. Again, he just gets hysterical almost instantly and then gets to the point where he’s almost being sick when we feel we have to intervene.

My MIL tells me that we should just persevere and he would eventually give up (which of course is true) but I am worried about any potential impact this could have in the long term.

I’m not adverse to a bit of CIO at all, but we’ve done over 20 mins before and like I say, it’s bloody traumatic!

I think he has some kind of separation anxiety at night. This isn’t evident at all during the day as he’s never had a problem going to nursery or Granny’s etc, or napping during the day. Only at night time. Just not sure how to help with this.

I’m wondering about swapping his cot for a floor bed and then can lie with him each night and work on gradually moving away. I just need him to be willing to lie down without screaming. Anyone have any experience with this? Not sure if he’s too young.

He’s happy if we co-sleep (eg when ill), but this isn’t manageable long term for us as I’d never see husband who works until late.

Thanks for all your feedback so far 👍🏻

hcomfort.he just is that baby who needs to Co sleep then. Why torture him any longer?

I tries this with my DS and he is strong willed and has a very sensitive nature even now very cuddly and needs a lot of comfort. Thats ok.
Rested snd happy is better then following sleep consultants.

Nursing my DS to sleep and placing him next to me was what worked for us and we did this until 20months and then weaned. He self settled when he was developmentally ready and he went into his own bed in our room at 23 months.
Point is each child learns to "self settle" when their brains are ready and mature for it. No that's isn't a magic number it is individual. 3 months for some - 9 months for others and even 2 years and beyound.