3 year old wants to sleep in my bed - confused on what's right.

[Moomoo2376]

Hi,
So my three year old boy is the youngest of four and our last child. He has always slept in his own room from about 5 months and apart from headbanging and the usual wakings for milk he has been okay. Last year at fireworks night he was terrified of them in his bed and since then we've been having issues with him being in his bed. We reassure him every night that he is safe and its okay and he falls asleep very well. the problem is he has been waking up in the night and demanding to come into our bed, In the start he just did it and we would wake up and find him there but now he is waking up in tears demanding to come in and waking up his brother. He is also now asking that i sleep in his bed with him if he cant come in mine and getting upset if i say no or when i try to leave (he even got me a pillow and told me that's my area😂

On the one hand, i feel like he's my last, he's scared and needs me and i'd attend to those needs in the day so why leave him there scared at night. I've also been reading that its normal for little ones to seek comfort from their mothers and its actually the norm for little ones to sleep with their parents until they are old enough. I've never had this issue with my others so its new to me!

Do i carry on letting him stay in my bed and stop with the actions/consequences of not sleeping through the night like (we will do something nice if you stay in your bed kind of thing) or do i keep trying with the whole staying in his bed and wait it out. (although this has been ongoing for a few months, i think he's got my stubbornness)

I've tried the light that says when he can get out of bed and when he has to stay in bed I'm hoping that it might help although it didnt last night but it was just one night.

I feel a little at a loss i just don't know what is the right thing to do. I keep getting met with comments from my mum that are quite rude and sarcastic about it which upsets me as she can be very judgemental on any parenting that was different to hers.

any advice or even just your own experiences on what you've done would be helpful.

thankyou.

He's 3. Let him stay in your bed. My ds was 8yo before he started sleeping in his own bed all night by himself. Sounds a bit extreme, but we coslept from birth, so it was fairly normal for us. There's no damage done. Some adults don't like sleeping alone, so I do wonder why we are surprised when some tiny children don't like it.

There is no right or wrong. You need to do what works for you and your family.
My DD used to be in our bed every night. She'd start off in hers but within 3 hours she was in with us. We let her because thats how we all got sleep and it was actually really nice to have her next to me. She's nearly 7 and is in her bed all night most nights now but will still randomly get in with us. It's natural for mothers to sleep with their children so if you're happy with it and it's working then I personally would let him. As you say, he's your last and still so little so if it comforts him then I don't see an issue. It's all personal choice.
Also whatever you decide, ignore any comments from anyone, including your mum. He's your child and the way you chose to parent is your choice

We had our son on a little bed by my side in our bedroom, he hated his own room. It worked for us, it wasn’t an issue, we all slept better.

I'd let him come in. he will outgrow it or you can transition him when he feels comfortable to sleep on his own again. enjoy the cuddles!

From your post, it sounds like your instincts are telling you that your little boy needs you, you want to let him sleep in your bed and that the only reason that you aren't is fear of judgement from others (rather than because you want your bed to yourself and don't like him coming in).

If I'm reading that right then listen to your instincts and let him sleep with you if it makes everyone happy.

He will grow out of it, it is not a big deal to cosleep for a while longer, even a year or two, in the grand scheme of things

My 3.5 yo cosleeps with me. I think it's quite common!

I sleep with my son who is 5. He always goes to bed in his own room but then stealthily comes into me in the night. We both sleep well so I am not worried.

It has just started to dawn on me that he is growing up and I take every opportunity for cuddles and time with him as I know it won't be long until he doesn't need me anymore :(

Ignore what anybody else says, as long as your family are happy, nobody else's opinion matters.

This isn't a battle I would have. He needs you. He will grow out of it but forcing the issue may create trauma.

I have 4DC as well and for years they all started off in their own beds, but would play musical beds during the night. Sometimes cuddling up with each other, sometimes with us. Now it's all stopped, and I kinda miss it! (But they do all come in on a morning for a cuddle).

Enjoy the cuddles.

We are mammals, mammals often sleep together with their young, instinctively we are no different just because we now live in houses and have bedrooms. If your young child needs you then he needs you, most adults don't like sleeping alone either so why we force small child to is beyond me.

It’s up to you, I wouldn’t judge you either way. I would say that maybe ask yourself how long you might be prepared to have him in your bed though. It’s possible he might transfer back to his own bed at 5 or maybe not till he’s 7 or 8 who knows?

thank you all so so much for taking the time to reply and replying with such lovely and insightful words. I feel much better about the situation now. I agree I think my instincts are telling me to have him with me and I do love having him so close to me. I am going to carry on putting him to sleep in his own bed but i wont be making a fuss if he comes into my bed but rather give myself permission to enjoy it like i want too. I think this will make him happier too.

I think that's the perfect solution OP.

Mine started that just before turning 4, she starts off in her own room and then comes in anywhere between 11-2am. We’ve just rolled with it, we did try to return her to her room but it was getting exhausting as one of us would have to sit with her for ages to get her back to sleep. It’s a short time in the great scheme of things and sometimes being kicked repeatedly in the back feels like a nice firm massage so I’ve just let it go.

For many children, sleeping in their parents' bed provides a sense of comfort and security, especially during times of transition connections or stress. If your child is expressing a strong desire to sleep in your bed, it may be because they feel safer and more secure with you nearby.